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The weather
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My Unkymood Punkymood (Unkymoods)
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sleep
Wednesday. 2.13.08 7:56 pm
By the time I got home after work today, I was ready to just pass out. Which is exactly what I did. I took my hair down, changed into pajamas, pulled the blanket over my head and passed out. I only woke up once because of a stupid wrong number, but I was almost immediately out again after I hung up.

Today started out alright, but after "lunch" {which was at 4am} it started to go downhill. The pallets we were working on just started to become nasty. Stuff was stacked precariously and the styrofoam ... oh god, the styrofoam. It was everywhere. I had styrofoam beads on my clothes, in my hair, on my face, everywhere. It was crazy. There were boxes in boxes; it was a big pain in the ass.

I have to be at work tomorrow at 2am. Originally I was going to be there from 6am till 1pm. But since there was shit we needed to do today that didn't get done {for whatever reason} we're going in early tomorrow to get it finished. So once again, I'll be leaving before customers come in to the store.

Once I get home tomorrow, I'll be able to sleep in the next two days because I'm off Friday and Saturday. The only thing I've got going on Friday is that I need to pick up my paycheck. Other than that, no plans.

Anywho, the wind is atrocious right now. The wind is holding steady at around 40mph with gusts upwards of around 60mph. I'm going to have to put gel in my hair before I go to work so that I won't have a crazy amount of knots. I kinda wish it was raining, but with these winds that would mean they'd be like pellets.

Uhm, I think that's it for today. I'm still kinda tired and I'm out of stuff to write about anyway. See? I told you I'd make today's entry less confusing.

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midnight
Tuesday. 2.12.08 4:22 pm
Today was quite the day; it was just busy in general. I got to work at 4am, after only getting a little over 3 hours of sleep. It's not my fault; I was watching the Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show. It's something that I watch, almost religiously, every year. I only missed it one year because I had just moved out of my house and I wasn't about to take over the TV for six hours {split up between two days} at someone else's house.

The second night of the Dog Show is on tonight. I planned on watching it regardless of what time I had to work. My original schedule for tomorrow was the same as today: 4am-12noon. About an hour before my shift ended today, Cindy asked if I could make it in at midnight. I didn't have a problem with it because that means even with a full 8 hour shift, I'll be long gone before the store opens to customers.

The problem with it is that I couldn't really sleep when I got home today. So now I'm up, then I'll be eating dinner a little later and after that, the Dog Show. It's not the first time I'll have gone in to work on very little sleep and I'm pretty sure it's also not the last time it'll happen either.

Anywho, I have to be careful now. I've started to give in to the thing I'm trying so hard to resist. But now that it's started and there's really no going back, I need to be very cautious. I can't afford to be caught, for an incredible amount of numerous reasons. And I feel exactly the same way I thought I'd feel if I were to give in; I want it so badly, but I feel guilty because of how much I want it. It's not just me who can keep it from happening, but I'm not adding to the resistance by playing along.

I'm also aware that none of you have any idea what I'm talking about and actually, that's now I want it. I go into the details in a password protected entry on one of my other blogs. Like I said before, if you want the password, please feel free to ask. I'm just doing this in case certain people happen to read my entries {since this is the blog I have linked from other sites.} If any of those certain people were to find out about what was going on, I could be in serious trouble.

Don't worry, what I'm doing isn't illegal. It's just bad. There's really no other way to better describe it. I'm sure there are plenty of words people use to describe the situation and actually, because of the position I'm playing in this particular situation, I'm not the one who would be looked down upon the most.

Haha, now that I've got all of you thoroughly confused, I think I'll end this here. I'll do my best not to make my next entry so confusing.

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extra hours
Monday. 2.11.08 4:41 pm
I'm actually missing It Takes a Thief today because I'm busy watching Simple Plan on Fuse. 'Tis bringing back memories from senior year @ Grad Night. I think I might go out and buy their new album, which drops tomorrow. I've always liked Simple Plan, but there was a period of time where I was not into them as much as in the beginning.

Anywho, my phone woke me up this morning. I'm actually not sure if the phone itself woke me up or if I was just conscious enough to hear it, but either way, the phone woke me up. I saw that it was work, so I shut the ringer off and let the voicemail get it. A minute later, the phone rings again. Work, again. I answer this time making sure it was obvious I had just been woken up, but that didn't make a difference. Monica asked me if I wanted to work today because she had been given a few extra hours to work with. I asked her what time she wanted me to go in and she asked when I could get there. I asked her what time is was and that's how I knew it was 7 in the morning. I told her I could be there at 9 because that would give Lori time to finish getting ready for school and me a little more time to sleep.

I get to work and realize I forgot my phone. That's the second time it's happened ... I wonder what's wrong with me. I have it with me at all times, except when I'm at the house; then it stays in my room. It's a good thing I remembered ma's phone number otherwise I would have been SOL until I got home. And when I don't have my phone with me, I get nervous and anxious. So I called ma and asked her to bring me my phone. Because I had the car, though, she had to have Steve bring her up there because she can't drive a manual, which is what his little Honda is.

I only had a 4 hour shift today, but hey, it's extra hours. This means next week's paycheck will have at least 33 hours on it. I'll be able to put a chunk aside into the moving fund.

Uhm, I guess that's it for today. I shall write again tomorrow. BTW, it didn't take me that long to actually write the entry ... I kept leaving my room. Which could be why the entry might not make perfect sense to everyone.

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a sore jaw ...
Sunday. 2.10.08 10:09 pm
... is what happens when you take full-size bites out of a solid chocolate bunny that's close to, or just over, a year old.

I have a headache again. The prominence of my headaches seem to be a more reoccuring incident as of late. I always have a headache, but lately, they're more painful and not as easy to ignore. Oh well.

I've been keeping up with my not-so-outspoken goal of eating less. Because I'm not living by myself, I have to make sure I eat at least dinner to keep people from saying something to me. It would be easier to go longer without eating if I don't have people around me all the time.

What do you think it is that causes people to do things they shouldn't? I think it's the simple fact that if you're told you can't or shouldn't do something, it drives you that much more to go forth with the action. Now, I haven't done anything, but the urge to want to ... is getting so much harder to resist. For the sake of the possibility of certain people reading this, I'm not going to say what it is I want so badly to do. I might write about it later in a PWP entry on one of my other blogs. If I do so, feel free to ask me for the password and I'll give it to you.

It's kind of like criminals who steal because they know they shouldn't and that the consequences could be dire, but they do it to prove they can and that they can get away with it. The only problem with that incentive is that you tend to continue pushing your luck and then that one fateful day comes when you push too far and are caught. I'm hoping to not even give in, let alone push it to that point.

Anywho, Lori's boyfriend got a job at my work. It's a good thing for him because he needs the money. Probably about as badly as I need mine, but his need for it is a little more immediate than mine. I'm saving up the money for a later date. He's in debt and needs to get his car fixed pretty much ASAP ... so you get the idea. This will also give him the chance to take Lori out more often and that'll make her happy which will, in turn, make for an all around better atmosphere.

Alrighty, I think that's it for tonight. My headache is causing my focal point to be on that rather than on what I'm writing.

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bowling again
Sunday. 2.10.08 1:29 am
I still suck at bowling. But my first game I actually managed to get over 100. Which is odd for a first game. The second game I would have gotten over 100, but Bri had her goddaughter and we were all taking turns letting the 3 yr old screw up our score ... except Sam.

I didn't have as much fun this time as I did last time. It was nice being able to get myself there and home, but I think I would have enjoyed it a little more if I had been riding with someone. Maybe not, though.

The mood was chill, for the most part. No one had anything alcoholic to drink. I didn't even have my usual only-when-I'm-bowling soda. Don't get me wrong, I'm glad I went out and I did have a decent time, but last time was more fun. Maybe because I still liked Sam last time {if you haven't noticed, I don't like him anymore} and there were more guys last time. This time, Sam was the only guy.

Ugh, I've been in a really blah mood. That might have something to do with it. You would think I'd be happy to have the freedom that comes with having a license, but no, not me. I think I'm more relieved than anything.

Anywho, I have more hours this week. Which is definitely good. I need all the money I can get. Especially now that I'm driving; I'll have to put gas into the car. And now that I'm on the car insurance, I have to pay my mom the difference. Which is only about $50 a month, but still.

Uhm, I think that's it for tonight. I have more to write, but it's already not making a whole lot of sense {to me, at least} so I'ma end this here.

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finally
Friday. 2.8.08 4:01 pm
I am now, finally, officially a licensed driver. I'm incredibly lucky that I passed on my first try. I'm pretty sure that if it had been up to the instructor, I would not have passed, but because of the point system, he had no choice. I asked, out of curiosity, how close I was to failing ... 2 points. I was two points away from failing.

After the test, he took me and my mom into this room to explain how my test went. The criticism ensued. It felt like the list kept going and going. Like the fucking Energizer Bunny. I don't think he said one good thing about my driving. As the list kept going, I felt myself getting more and more depressed. I was preparing myself for the hard truth that I had failed. Unfortunately, I had psyched myself up so much for the failure, I didn't really react when I found out I passed. Probably because of how close I came to failing.

I didn't realize I had done so much wrong, but all that matters is that I passed and at least now I don't have to take the test again. Mom and Steve want to take me out to dinner to celebrate, but I really don't feel as if it's worth celebrating. I mean, yeah okay, after 5 years I'm finally a licensed driver, but according to the instructor and the tone in which he was speaking, I shouldn't be allowed on the road. That's certainly not going to stop me from driving. Now I don't have to feel bad about ma getting up at 3am to have me at work at 4am. And I don't have to rely on one of them taking me to the store when I want to go. But I still took in the criticism like a sponge.

Sometimes I wish I was a person who was more easily excited.

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