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Memores acti prudentes futuri

You're unsure if I am a loose end or a strand
that waits for you to mend or understand
A few words
"When we describe the Moon as dead, we are describing the deadness in ourselves. When we find space so hideously void, we are describing our own unbearable emptiness."
~ D.H. Lawrence

"Is the meaning of life defined by its duration? Or does life have a purpose so large that it doesn't have to be prolonged at any cost to preserve its meaning?"

"Living is not good, but living well. The wise man, therefore, lives as well as he should, not as long as he can... He will always think of life in terms of quality not quantity... Dying early or late is of no relevance, dying well or ill is... even if it is true that while there is life there is hope, life is not to be bought at any cost."
~ Seneca

"People will tell you nothing matters, the whole world's about to end soon anyway. Those people are looking at life the wrong way. I mean, things don't need to last forever to be perfect."
~ Daydream Nation

"All Bette's stories have happy endings. That's because she knows where to stop. She's realized the real problem with stories-- if you keep them going long enough, they always end in death."
~ The Sandman: Preludes & Nocturnes

"The road now stretched across open country, and it occurred to me - not by way of protest, not as a symbol, or anything like that, but merely as a novel experience - that since I had disregarded all laws of humanity, I might as well disregard the rules of traffic. So I crossed to the left side of the highway and checked the feeling, and the feeling was good. It was a pleasant diaphragmal melting, with elements of diffused tactility, all this enhanced by the thought that nothing could be nearer to the elimination of basic physical laws than deliberately driving on the wrong site of the road."
~ Vladimir Nabokov, Lolita

"It is easier to forgive an enemy than to forgive a friend."
~ William Blake
Online Radio

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Newgrounds Audio Portal
Kill that boredom!
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A Distant Soil (Some nudity)
The Adventures of Gyno-Star (Some explicit stuff)
Axe Cop
Basic Instructions
Bear Nuts

Blue Milk Special
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Crunchy Bunches

Curia Regis
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dead winter (has some explicit stuff)
Devilbear: The Grimoires of Bearalzebub (PG-13?)
Diesel Sweeties
Eat That Toast!
The End
Evil Diva
Evil Inc.
Existential Comics
The Fancy Adventures of Jack Cannon
For Lack of a Better Comic
Forming (Explicit)

Girls with Slingshots (some explicit stuff...?)
The Last Halloween
Last Train to Old Town
The League of Evil Genius

Legend of Bill
Living With Insanity (some nudity)
Love Me Nice
Married to the Sea
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Medium Large
The Meek
The Moon Prince
Moth (Some nudity)
Mr. Lovenstein
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Natalie Dee
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Out There
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Robbie and Bobby
Rosscott, Inc.
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Scary Go Round
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Stand Still. Stay Silent
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Tiny Kitten Teeth
Toothpaste for Dinner
Trying Human (Some nudity)
Two Guys and Guy

Wilde Life
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Infrequently/No Longer Updating Web Comics
The Abominable Charles Christopher
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Bag of Toast
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Chain Bear (Some explicit stuff)
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Edmund Finney's Quest to Find the Meaning of Life
A Fine Example
Finn and Charlie are HITCHED

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Die Anstalt : Toy Psychiatry
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Passive Aggressive Notes
Friday, December 11, 2009
I feel sick. Tired and sick.

I want to throw up. It feels like maybe, just maybe, after the contents of my stomach were out, maybe the rest would follow.

If I just kept retching after all whatever half-digested food was gone, could I get rid of the other things?

Could I vomit up everything I've learned all these years? Could I expel all the time spent worrying and working and wondering?

I guess I'd choke on some of it. The taste of life sticks in your mouth.

But if I kept trying, could I eventually purge it all, every last bit... and leave it all, the good and bad... a mess on the floor?

No more memories, no more knowledge.

I want to go back to when I had nothing.

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Enough of that...
Thursday, December 10, 2009
I was writing a long and rant-y post, but decided not to publish it.

Yeah, I'm kind of angry right now. There is definitely an irritated undercurrent in my river of emotions. No, I do not think I will write about it here.

My friends have heard enough already, I'm sure.

I think that for Christmas I am going to ask for some noise cancelling headphones.



Matter: not resolved, but getting there.

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Gee, I'm really out of the loop
Monday, December 7, 2009
Apparently, in relation to the eighties, there is a lot of random sex going on these days.

I was quite unaware of this... "fact."

There was also another bit that went more or less like "you may not be partaking in them yourself, but there are a lot of orgies now."

I'm not really sure how one is supposed to respond to a statement like that.

"Where are these orgies and how do I get invited?"

Ha.... no. Never. Stay out of my personal personal space. Please.

Anyway, aside from that odd little blurble, I do not have mass quantities of news to report. I did get two letters today though, which I'm happy about. :)

I also got two letters yesterday, which should've come earlier. Honestly I feel like I have a right to feel angry about this, since the school misplaced them, but there is a definite lack of feeling here.

Ah, apathy.

I like this video. :D

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Time is slipping away from me
Saturday, December 5, 2009
Next week is the last week I have any classes. The week after that is Finals.

I received two letters today. It significantly improved my day. Would've improved it even more if his spelling wasn't a crime against humanity.

I've been holding back and haven't been correcting him, but I honestly cannot allow "DISQUSTING" to go unaddressed.

A generous classmate lent me her copy of the Chem final, so now I'm not completely screwed. Hopefully he accepts my xeroxed copy... I'm a little worried though, because the copies he handed out are numbered... Oh well, I guess I'll just have to explain it to him when I hand it in on Thursday. (NOT oversleeping this time!)

Maybe if I get any letters on Monday they'll have some answers...

Also awaiting whatever it is that he bought me.

Whatever could it be...?

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Karma [2P]
Thursday, December 3, 2009
Be it extremely emotional, controversial, messed up, or whatever, this entry has been password protected.

If you know it, enter it; or, ask me for it.

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Winter's coming, but the days don't seem any shorter
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
Still awaiting a letter. :|

I just realized that he wants to fly straight to California, but I never told him which airport he would be going to... this is probably not good. (He said to expect a phone call next week though, so maybe I can tell him then if the subject is brought up)

Emilie Autumn concert tonight. :)

Some pictures I drew in my last letter...

Sorry this one looks weird... it just turned out that way when I lightened it.

Haven't done much today. Mostly I tried to block out the sound of my roommate on the phone and listened to various Erik Satie pieces.

I've also been playing this repeatedly, so I guess I'll share...

Definitely a deviation from my typical electronic music, but there's nothing wrong with switching things up every now and then.

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A minor inconvenience that I am at least not being charged for
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
Well, I lost my Stormcard today. (The all access pass to everything St. John's related, pretty much...)

I found out when I stepped into the lobby of my dorm and realized my left pocket was emptier than usual. This was not a good discovery.

So... I went to Public Safety and got a new card, and had to go talk to these old guys about it. They asked my name, and when I told them, one of them threw the new card at his desk and started ranting about how he'd heard the name before... :S

I guess what happened was that somebody found my card, and they thought I picked it up? And there was something about shredding and now I can't use my card to get into my room until 3 PM.


They did decide not to charge my account for the card due to whatever mistake they made, so that's good I guess. I kinda wish I could get into my room, though. (I'm in here right now, but once I leave I can't get in by myself)

Fingers crossed for mail today! (Also hoping that my roommates won't mind/notice that I fixed it so that the door won't lock until I can use my card again)


I like asking my friends difficult to answer questions. Like right now:

"What do you think would bother you less: me dying as a result of some horrible accident, or me dying as a result of suicide, but I leave a note?"

Varsha initially chose the first one, but later couldn't decide. Angie initially couldn't decide, then settled on the second, but went back to neither.

I also like changing the conditions of the question after people have made their choice in order to make it even more difficult to answer.

This is probably not the best hobby, but I enjoy it.

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Maybe tomorrow...
Monday, November 30, 2009
I was kind of hoping for a letter or two today, since I didn't (couldn't?) get any for most of last week. No such luck, though. :/

He must be very busy... We'll see each other in a few weeks though, hopefully.

In other semi-related news, I'm sort of running out of two and three cent stamps. I think if I only wrote him every other day instead of every day, I could get by without buying any more, though. And there's not much point in writing him the last week he's there, since the letters might not get to him before he graduates...

I wish I could think of something to get him for Christmas... dangit, I need some making-stuff skills. D:

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