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Memores acti prudentes futuri

Shown to the place you fold
there's nothing to be without it
A few words
"When we describe the Moon as dead, we are describing the deadness in ourselves. When we find space so hideously void, we are describing our own unbearable emptiness."
~ D.H. Lawrence

"Is the meaning of life defined by its duration? Or does life have a purpose so large that it doesn't have to be prolonged at any cost to preserve its meaning?"

"Living is not good, but living well. The wise man, therefore, lives as well as he should, not as long as he can... He will always think of life in terms of quality not quantity... Dying early or late is of no relevance, dying well or ill is... even if it is true that while there is life there is hope, life is not to be bought at any cost."
~ Seneca

"People will tell you nothing matters, the whole world's about to end soon anyway. Those people are looking at life the wrong way. I mean, things don't need to last forever to be perfect."
~ Daydream Nation

"All Bette's stories have happy endings. That's because she knows where to stop. She's realized the real problem with stories-- if you keep them going long enough, they always end in death."
~ The Sandman: Preludes & Nocturnes

"The road now stretched across open country, and it occurred to me - not by way of protest, not as a symbol, or anything like that, but merely as a novel experience - that since I had disregarded all laws of humanity, I might as well disregard the rules of traffic. So I crossed to the left side of the highway and checked the feeling, and the feeling was good. It was a pleasant diaphragmal melting, with elements of diffused tactility, all this enhanced by the thought that nothing could be nearer to the elimination of basic physical laws than deliberately driving on the wrong site of the road."
~ Vladimir Nabokov, Lolita

"It is easier to forgive an enemy than to forgive a friend."
~ William Blake
Online Radio

More Fun Shtuff
Newgrounds Audio Portal
Kill that boredom!
Binder Paper Comics

Web Comics and Such
A Distant Soil (Some nudity)
The Adventures of Gyno-Star (Some explicit stuff)
Axe Cop
Basic Instructions
Bear Nuts

Blue Milk Special
Camp Weedonwantcha
Cigarro & Cerveja
Conspiracy Friends!
Crunchy Bunches

Curia Regis
Cyanide and Happiness
dead winter (has some explicit stuff)
Devilbear: The Grimoires of Bearalzebub (PG-13?)
Diesel Sweeties
Dumm Comics
Eat That Toast!
The End
Evil Diva
Evil Inc.
Existential Comics
The Fancy Adventures of Jack Cannon
For Lack of a Better Comic
Forming (Explicit)

Girls with Slingshots (some explicit stuff...?)
The Intrepid Girlbot
JBabb Comics
The Last Halloween
Last Train to Old Town
The League of Evil Genius

Legend of Bill
Living With Insanity (some nudity)
Love Me Nice
Married to the Sea
Meaty Yogurt
Medium Large
The Meek
The Moon Prince
Moth (Some nudity)
Mr. Lovenstein
Muddlers Beat

Natalie Dee
The Non-Adventures of Wonderella
Out There
Owen's Uncles
Phuzzy Comics
P.I. Jane
Political Cartoonists Index
Poorly Drawn Lines
The Property of Hate
Red Meat
Rice Boy
Robbie and Bobby
Rosscott, Inc.
Safely Endangered
Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Savage Chickens
Scenes from a Multiverse
The Secret Knots
Serenity Rose
Stand Still. Stay Silent
Stinking Hellebore
Strong Female Protagonist
The Super Fogeys
Tales of Pylea
Three Word Phrase (some nudity)
Tiny Kitten Teeth
Toothpaste for Dinner
Trying Human (Some nudity)
Two Guys and Guy

Wilde Life
Yellow Peril (PG-13)

Infrequently/No Longer Updating Web Comics
The Abominable Charles Christopher
The Adventures of Dr. McNinja
The Adventures of Ellie Connelly
American Hell
Bag of Toast
Bear in Mind
The Book of Biff
Chain Bear (Some explicit stuff)
Daisy is Dead
Dream Life
Ectopiary (Some nudity)
Edmund Finney's Quest to Find the Meaning of Life
A Fine Example
Finn and Charlie are HITCHED

Green Wake
Gun Show
Hark! A Vagrant
Head Doctor Productions
Hello with Cheese
Helpful Figures
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IDK Comics
Inscribing Ardi
Kyle & Atticus
Lesbian Pirates from Outer Space
Letters to a Wild Boar
Lovecraft is Missing

Meat and Plastic
Minimalism Sucks
Moon Town
The Nerds of Paradise
No Reason Comics
One Swoop Fell
Pictures for Sad Children
Raymondo Person
A Redtail's Dream

Roy's Boys (PG 13?)
Run Freak Run
Saint's Way
Sin Titulo
Split Lip
Spooky Doofus
Super Buzzkill
The Super Gay Adventures of Ross Boston
Ugly Girl
2815 Monument

Pure Flash Awesomeness
Angry Alien
Die Anstalt : Toy Psychiatry
The Frown

Clients from Hell
Brian Despain
Creatures in My Head
Damn You Auto Correct!
Jhonen Vasquez's site
Overheard in New York
Passive Aggressive Notes
Fond strangers [2P]
Tuesday, October 31, 2017
Be it extremely emotional, controversial, messed up, or whatever, this entry has been password protected.

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Monday, October 30, 2017
[10/30/2017 11:12 PM] Kyle: If I was going to be in pain for the rest of my life would you support my suicide
[10/30/2017 11:12 PM] Me: Well
[10/30/2017 11:12 PM] Me: I guess if that was what you really wanted
[10/30/2017 11:12 PM] Me: And we could find a way to do it that would minimize your suffering
[10/30/2017 11:12 PM] Me: I would be sad though
[10/30/2017 11:13 PM] Kyle: I think I would just OD on heroin.
[10/30/2017 11:13 PM] Me: I suppose that could be a nice way to go
[10/30/2017 11:18 PM] Kyle: Would you disrupt your life to go travel with me for like 6-12 months first
[10/30/2017 11:18 PM] Me: I think so.
[10/30/2017 11:18 PM] Me: If it was the last time I was going to see you then that would be worth putting my life on hold.
[10/30/2017 11:19 PM] Me: Not sure how I would afford it though.
[10/30/2017 11:19 PM] Kyle: I'm gonna kill myself on this scenario, I'll just pay for everything, silly.
[10/30/2017 11:19 PM] Me: Haha

It makes me really sad to think about not having Kyle as an active presence in my life, so I hope this scenario doesn't come to pass.


Went to the gym twice on Saturday and twice today. Gym is my boyfriend and we're getting serious.

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Calm and nothingness
Sunday, October 29, 2017
"I Have Enough Time To Be Disappointed Again" by Nao.

A small dark room with a crowd of people in it, and green and blue lights swirling behind the band on stage. Nobody is saying anything, nobody is dancing. At most, there is minute swaying from some of the members of the audience, and some people close their eyes. If you close your eyes, the room feels bigger, and it feels like you're alone, but you fill the whole space. Weightless, limitless, the expanse of yourself exists only in this moment, while the music plays, while your eyes are closed. There is no time, there is no you; you are inseparable from this feeling, from this moment.


I don't normally listen to this kind of music, but this song is evoking a sort of calmness in me at the moment. I've been pondering the title for awhile. Don't know who to talk to about it. Lately I have been craving intellectual conversation, but not the type that includes facts and figures and outside knowledge... Those kinds of discussions are okay too, but I feel a bit tired of regurgitating information. I guess what I'm looking for is more personally meaningful. Just want to have someone to talk to about what something brings up for each of us. Memories, feelings, visuals, etc. That would be nice. I keep talking about how I would like to have this, but I don't know where to find it.

I want to make something, but I don't feel inspired. I just feel... sort of calm. Have been trying to increase the amount I go to the gym, which I think might be impacting my mood. Things are more stable now. Not particularly depressed. I have many of the same thoughts as when I'm depressed, but different reactions to them. It's a cheesy analogy, but it feels a little like being Neo and being aware of the code of the Matrix, if the Matrix were... myself, I guess. Except that Neo doesn't repeatedly get plugged back into the Matrix in such a way that it becomes his whole reality again.

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Love is for the birds
Saturday, October 28, 2017
After my workout this morning, I decide to go to Petco to look at the parakeets.

I approach the glass-walled cage and look in, and instantly, I feel nothing but love for all of them.

This feeling is something I miss about having pets. I am never disappointed by my pets because I expect nothing from them but to exist. I feel only love and care and affection for them. It doesn't matter if they love me back.

Things with people are different because what I expect from them is proportional to what I believe they are capable of. I guess the zone of disappointment lies between their potential and what they will realistically do.

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Friday, October 27, 2017
He ends every conversation with "thanks for being" now.

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Silent devotion [2P]
Wednesday, October 25, 2017
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Tuesday, October 24, 2017
I heard once that you could only hate someone as much as you loved them. I don't think that's true, but I think you can only hate someone as much as they are important to you. Similarly, you can only love someone as much as they are important to you.

In my personal life, though, I knew when I'd never really loved someone if I couldn't hate them after they were gone.

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Trial period [_]
Monday, October 23, 2017
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