Tuesday. 4.7.09 9:03 pm
Sometimes I wonder why I'm so biased against certain things in life. It sucks being such a staunch anti when it comes to even the simplest things. Why can't I just enjoy life for the sake of enjoying life?
Why am I so against recreational drugs, smoking, even drinking to a degree? What in my childhood affected me so much that I have such a negative perception of these things? I can't even look at a freaking hookah without considering the minute tobacco content involved.
I get so frustrated sometimes because all I want to do is enjoy life... and I believe that I do, 95% of the time. I make the most of each day to the best of my ability and I take time out to allow myself to take it all in without being overwhelmed. Yet there is always that nagging 5% that is such a negative nancy/debbie downer that whenever it rears its ugly head all I want to do is scream. It's torture.
I know for sure that I'm definitely too blessed to be stressed
, but sometimes - just sometimes - I amp out. I'm only human and I acknowledge this. Whatever, I'll get over it. Maybe I need to experience pot, or drop E, or experience a hookah firsthand to understand that it's not all that bad. But that's just not me. I should just hold my head up and be confident in my own life and accept me for me, as I have been, and stop being paranoid over the most minute of things.
Live and let live. I will not compare myself to others as it is not healthy.
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Monday. 7.12.10 1:16 am
It's been a few years since I first started up this nuTang. Since then, I've jumped from blog to blog, trying to find a new home for myself and my writings on the internet. But for some reason I always end up coming back here to hash it all out when the trend of a new blog site wears off or I just want to get away from what's in.
I haven't updated the theme of my blog because I really do not remember how to html code anymore; I did it as a hobby a while ago but now I am more open to a simple template since they are so accessible.
I had a tumblr for about a year; I started one because I wanted to keep up to tabs with a college friend and his witty entries. At first I used it the same way I use this blog - to write my feelings of the moment, post a song, upload a picture, etc. But then towards the end of my run with tumblr I realized that I no longer was happy with my entries; I felt more compelled to post for the sake of satisfying others than posting what I wanted to earnestly post myself. Not to mention I was becoming more and more critical of those I followed. With all that negativity I did what I felt was best and took it down altogether.
Facebook, as much as a resource it has been throughout my college years, has become more of a hindrance for me because I really don't want to keep compulsively checking that thing to see if I have any new updates. Currently it's sitting deactivated for a few months now and I haven't missed it since.
Anyway getting back to the title of this entry. I'm calling it lonely because that's how I feel at the moment. I graduated from UCSD spring quarter of 2009 and since then have had a lot of personal ups and downs. All in all, it can really only get better from here on out and I just need to maintain the mindset that it will.
Now time to distract myself with another episode of Law and Order: SVU ^^
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