Wednesday. 3.31.04 5:14 pm
so i havent been updating when a certain someone was uphere cuz i knew id end up bitchin about her and she may read over my shoulder. but ya know what? fuck that. which is one of my favorite philosophies. it can settle most arguements and situations. for example: "Brian, you didnt properly update the check in procedure."..."yeah? well fuck that" its always great to throw 'bitch' right at the end: "yeah? well fuck that ... bitch. west side!" yeah. let those pussies know whos boss. im the boss bitch. oh? you have a problem with that? well fuck that. ha! see the pattern oh man its great. so i really have nothin to write about here. work blew but that is the nature of the beast. i hate cleanin up other peoples shit both physically and the other word that ends in y. physically like when dickheads leave trash in the truck and i dont want to sit in mustard when i drive. and the other word that ends in y as in when wiz puts up a shitty tent and i have to clean up his work, like finish the loose ends he crackheadedly forgot. damn i hate people. why send him to do a job and me to fix it? why not send me to do the job in the first place. all they say is time=money, and the irony is that they waste time telling us that. greeeeeat. business is great cuz you can be a genius and never get a business of the ground. or be a complete fucking idiot that walks into walls and wonders what happens if you punch a beehive, and end up gettin alot of money. its even better when you own a business and because you're so incompitent you would make more money by not going inot work. if our owner stayed home wed be so much better off. but im startin to fix it. he'll sit at work and think of the dumbest fucking thing and try to create a new 'system' to fix it. i say dont fix it if its not broken but he argues, then makes this huge elaborate scheme for the dumbest thing that in fact requires more time to implement and defeats the whole purpose of the system. but now he realizes that i know every thing and hell be like 'brian i think we should put all the forks in plug sockets and take all the inventory out of the shop and put it on the roof...' and ill be like 'no scott, thats the dubest thing i ever heard, in fact a paralyzed gnu with a muzze on could say something smarter than that' and hell say 'ok brian i appreciate your honesty' and drop the whole thing. now if only bush would do that our country would be the shit. id say 'fuck all that, bitch. drop the whole gay marriage thing, never talk about god in your speaches then slap fines on people for not separating church and state, learn how to speak english, and resign from office. or just let kerry win bitch. west side' id also say fuck iraq and bring our homies back. who fucking cares? why send all our skill and dedicated soldier there to watch monkeys throw shit at each other (yes im talking about arabs, fuck that) and the whole thing started based on shitty defense here. listen, USA is an empire and will fall at some point. i hate to admit it but it will happen. at the time no one thought rome would fall and look where they are. but if we do all this dumb shit lookin for people we cant find someone will come in the back door and fuck us again like the world trade center. thats like if someone starts to break in your house, you chase him out then you wait a liitle bit and go look for him. and because you tell everyone in the neighboorhood that you're out looking for him, either the robber or your neighboors will go right in your open window and rob you blind. and i would laugh at you while i take your TV. now, i am obviously not military intelligence so i have faith and believe they're settin up a trap. if i was in the analogy i just made, id chase the robber, tell everyone, but have an enescapable pit by all my doors and windows, so that when i get back i can see who all tried to fuck me and go torch they're house. i hope soooo much thats what we're doin. CHINA: "hey look! USA is after Osama, we can attack them and rob them and so on" USA: (after we catch them trying to blow shit up "Heeeeeeeeeey China. Guess what? we got some nukes. and when we lay them out like this .... it says C.H.I.N.A. I.S. F.U.C.K.E.D." hahahahaha that would rock. oh before i go i dunno if anyone else tried to comment entries before but its fixed now. feel free. unless you are illiterate.
Tuesday. 3.30.04 5:21 pm
so i feel almost like a new person. my usual hatred towards mankind has rekindled itself. it never really went away but it definately subsided for a little. i guess it was cuz i was too warried about other crap that i shouldnt have been. and as i slowly realized how trivial it was to worry about such stuff i started to say fuck it more and more. now i feel like im my own self again and it rocks. so now ive been tellin everyone fuck off, except my friends of course, and it feels so natural. its not that caring for someone and supporting someone out of love doesnt feel natural, i think i was just wastin it on someone that either didnt appreciate it (though it kept her alive more or less) or didnt make an effort to show it. but for now the best way i can be happy is enjoy my bitterness. like today for instance; i work all day and it sucks because its like idiots breed idiots and they all go to 5400 paxton street (my job) and try to plant more seeds of stupid. but its cool, its my job and its what i get paid to do so i do it with sometimes minimal bitching. but im pissed when i leave and i just want to go home and get some food, look at porn, maybe play some final fantasy, but no. i got this thing here thats been laying in my bed all day doing nothing and its like i want to puke. then that all accelerates my anger and what do i have to do. luckily tonite i can go paint and bitch at kris' and tomarrow nite is pool/chappelles show nite so ill be cool then. thursday i have a docs appointment but what about after that? i get to come home and be like fuck, and have o find somewhere else to go. damn im hungry,
Sunday. 3.28.04 6:45 pm
ok i know i dont do this much, and i wont promise to start doin it all the time either. theres too much porn out there to spend too much time doin this. plus sometimes i just dont have anything to write about. then when im doing something and i have something to write about, i cant because im doing whatever it is i would write about. but i digress. today was beautiful, but, i think its beutiful when its cold and nasty outside too. and i run with the dog either way. when im not lazy. or when i dont have to take becky out to get food or somehtin. see this all blows. she moves up here and i have to do EVERYTHING for her because she cant take care of herself. then partialy as a result of this we break up so im thinkin i wont have to anymore, but alas i still do. and i dont know if you ever lived with your ex in the same room but it absolutely sucks. i cant bring a friend over after work cuz as soon as i come in BAM broad in pj's doin absolutely nothin. who wants to come home to that? i bust my ass all day at work to come home to 'my' room and i cant even really use it. (i put quotes around the 'my' because it is technically my room but theres so much shit in it thats not mine and i spend about no time in it anymore which is why im never online or updating this journal) and i always get 'well its your room use it like you want' and im like i cant cuz youre always here. i want to come home from work and within 2.53 seconds my pants are off and im goin to town lookin at porn. instead i have to come home and look at her watchin the same dumb shit on tv, then hear her complain abouit shit when all she did was SIT ON MY FUCKING BED ALL DAY. wow. i know everyone that works full time would agree i would love for like a week to just sit around all day and do nothing. but after a week i would feel lazy and useless so i dunno how people do it, i guess some people are comfortable with it. now usually when im in a shitty situation i do what i can to fix it, and after that point i just accept what i cant change. like at work i didnt get paid enough and i wanted to be ops manager, so i did all this shit and i got a raise but the ops manager was swron in for like at least 4 years so that cant happen. so i cahanged the pay deal and i accept that i wont be ops manager. but this situation at home im confused. because i broke up with her so now i dont feel the uneanding burden to spoon feed her and do everything everyday and abandon all my friends for her. but shes still here and i still cant enjoy being single as much. what if that chick at giant called me back and we started goin out? id have to say ...no allison, we cant go to my house. 'why not?' ummm, i have a midget out break ... what the fuck. and the thing sucks because i have the ability to kick her out which would be doing what i can to change the shitty situation which is what im used to, but she has absolutely no where to live. and i cant just kick her out to the street and not care. its pathetic that her own mom wont take her back but people are stupid. especially when her mom calls me when i break up with her daughter to put a guilt trip on me for becky havin no where to go because OH NO her mom might actually have to take responisbility for her daughter. but i wont even go into that dumb broad cuz thats a whole other violent outbreak in itsself. so im about all out of options, i can accept the situation to a point but theres the looming sense that things will never get better which is how i felt while we were dating. but at least i dont have it as bad because of that fact. so my other option is to move out and hopefully when my raise starts comin in i can move out and kris seems down but we didnt talk much. i think its be cool cuz he has bikes and shit so he can attract the girls to the house and i can woo them over with my impressively large ... tony hawk skills. ha. see why is it that as soon as im done talkin about her im laughin and not complainin. goddamn talk about one bad descision being stretched out for a long time. how bad is it that i move out of my house to get away from my ex girl friend that shouldnt live there anyway? jerry, jerry, (for the slower people im sayin this could be on jerry springer, on the show they yell jerry, jerry you get it) i think someone else is at caras computer. im talkin about midgets wrestling monkeys and all of a sudden she doesnt repond for a while then someone says 'you weird'. so to poke fun i say 'you illiterate' in response to the bad grammar and then the following convo doesnt seem anything like cara would write. but shes strange like me sometimes so i guess its possible. my weirdness is nothing new to her so i dunno why shed comment on it anyway. oh well. HEY porn and a shower are callin
paid days off rock
Friday. 2.27.04 3:49 pm
Saturday. 2.14.04 2:12 am
so yeah, i broke up with becky which i knew was going to happen for a while. and we were together for a while and it sucks to have to split but it happens. what bothers me even more is the fact that i realize why i was so afraid to leave. its cuase as soon as im alone the feelings i have and have never lost for a girl fuckin hit me like a left hook. and theres no escaping it. she knows how i feel and i know how she feels and its the same way its been forever. but it makes it real hard to be her friend because of it and i dont want to throw that away for her sake. so it puts me in this shitty situation where im like 'what do i do? not be her friend and try to forget it all or try to be there but deal with the pain of never being able to have that which you want more than anything?' and im never gonna be able to sleep tonite because this shit just stays in my head all the time. and it sucks even more cuz she keeps gettin out of bad relationships and everyone knows what i can offer but still nothin happens. why does shit work out like this? i cant get mad at her for not feeling the same way about me as i do her, but then she would also have to understand why i stay out of communication. being single again is like having my old life back, and i still get this same issue ruining my brain like it did before. i guess my relationship was my escape from this but thats no way to live. its as bad as being drunk all day every day. but what other choice do i have? it drives me fucking crazy. my friends go to clubs and just pick up random broads without trying and it happens all the time. and i cant get the one that i want and would do anything for. whats fuckin wrong with me? its like i almost wish i was normal so maybe id have a chance, but if i was normal id be every other retarded asshole and thats not what i want either. fuck this. theres no winning. why make the effort to keep talkin to her and doin stuff when im gonna get this blocked feeling like theres a pot of gold that will make the whole world okay, but its locked and there is no key. fuck i hate this feeling. theres nothing i can do. im always gonna be crazy for her and ill just be the friend. im screwed. fuck this im out
Thursday. 2.12.04 8:14 pm
church and state. so theres a statue in a park in hanover that has the 10 commandments. whooptie shit. but now theres a group in DC trying to get rid of it. now im all for separation of church and state, i feel kids shouldnt have to pray in school, i feel laws shouldnt be based on religious ideas but more generally accpted moral ideas. but this is goin a little too far. if its been up for 50 years and no one died or became grossly deformed, than its not hurting anything. no ones being forced to look at it or believe in it. if anything it may spread knowledge to someone about another religion they dont know about and OH NO! GOD FORBID SOMEONE LEARNS ANYTHING. so instead the organization will rip it out and put up a statue of a crooked cock or something fuckin retarded. now i know me not being a christian may make this view seem weird but i thing the christians defending the monument are equally hypidiotic. yes. hypidiotic. a mix of being hypocritical and idiotic. because if i had grants and land and all whatever else needed to make a park, and did so, but had a statue of a pentagram, these same people would shit a brick. its unmoral and an injustice when the government takes their statue away, but if its a pentagram, or buddha or what have you these ass clowns wouldnt care less. thus is why organized religion, just like communism, will never work. everyone has to be right. "only my god matters YOU ARE WRONG IF YOU DONT FOLLOW ME" so anyone else is just a worthless pile of shit. im not a christian, and i dont view the christian philosophy as wrong, i just hate the way some (definately not all) of the followers strot around like their hot shit. and when something of theirs is in qquestion its an out rage. gad will rain down sulfur on these cum nibbling blasphemers for taking down their statue. but when buddha down the street is takin out for the same reason "ooooohhh yeah i completely understand. we all shouldnt have ot see that .... [insert other one-sided over-opinionated comment here]" fuck that. thats like its fine for my kid to piss down the hall way at school but your kid is a fucking commie no future bastard if they speak their own opinion once. i hate the way kids are being raised. like this whole janet jackson boob thing shut the fuck up already. and now people are suing for "damages done" what damages? your kid saw half of a covered boob. its like my friend at work said "whats the worst that could happen? your kid might turn straight? OH NO!" and its exactly right. its horrible your kid saw half a boob at the super bowl (which they see much worse on MTV all the time but nevermind that) but hes going to go into his dads room and check out his porn anyway. its what little kids are supposed to do. its natural and healthy for a young boy to see a boob. i saw boobs all the time when i was real young and so i love them now and so i will at somepoint impregnate a girl (with boobs) and create children and thus continue the circle of life. people just need to bitch about somethin (i know, look whos talking) but they pick the dumbest most irrelevant shit. i had an argue ment with this one broad i work with about how bad it was and she didnt even fucking see it. wow. "i dont know what the bible says i just know its wrong" congratulations, you're graduated to the mental capacity of a retarded primate. good job. and this boys and girls is why i have a supreme hatred for the human race and realize that as smart as we think we are, we are the dumbest species on the planet. sure we have inventions and all this progress into technology and shit, and ya know what? thats exactly whats goin to kill us. we're going to be the first species in the history of earth to wipe ourselves out. whether its nuclear holocaust, or some engineered disease spreading thru everyliving thing we're going to kill ourselves. there was a time when no human walked this planet and it will happen again and it will be great. earth will heal itself like it always does and no one will remember us. which is why we make up religion to feel like we're apart of something special and we move on. wake up crazies. we die, we're gone. no more. and its not so bad. every living creature follows the same path. and until that time im gonna keep bitching about random shit. rock on.
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