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Memores acti prudentes futuri


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A few words
"When we describe the Moon as dead, we are describing the deadness in ourselves. When we find space so hideously void, we are describing our own unbearable emptiness."
~ D.H. Lawrence

"Is the meaning of life defined by its duration? Or does life have a purpose so large that it doesn't have to be prolonged at any cost to preserve its meaning?"

"Living is not good, but living well. The wise man, therefore, lives as well as he should, not as long as he can... He will always think of life in terms of quality not quantity... Dying early or late is of no relevance, dying well or ill is... even if it is true that while there is life there is hope, life is not to be bought at any cost."
~ Seneca

"People will tell you nothing matters, the whole world's about to end soon anyway. Those people are looking at life the wrong way. I mean, things don't need to last forever to be perfect."
~ Daydream Nation

"All Bette's stories have happy endings. That's because she knows where to stop. She's realized the real problem with stories-- if you keep them going long enough, they always end in death."
~ The Sandman: Preludes & Nocturnes

"The road now stretched across open country, and it occurred to me - not by way of protest, not as a symbol, or anything like that, but merely as a novel experience - that since I had disregarded all laws of humanity, I might as well disregard the rules of traffic. So I crossed to the left side of the highway and checked the feeling, and the feeling was good. It was a pleasant diaphragmal melting, with elements of diffused tactility, all this enhanced by the thought that nothing could be nearer to the elimination of basic physical laws than deliberately driving on the wrong site of the road."
~ Vladimir Nabokov, Lolita

"It is easier to forgive an enemy than to forgive a friend."
~ William Blake
TICoSME
Musicalities!
Online Radio
Soma.fm

More Fun Shtuff
Newgrounds Audio Portal
Pandora
SoundClick
Kill that boredom!
Binder Paper Comics

Web Comics and Such
A Distant Soil (Some nudity)
The Adventures of Gyno-Star (Some explicit stuff)
Aquapunk
Axe Cop
Basic Instructions
Bear Nuts
Beeserker

Blue Milk Special
Bug
Buttersafe
ChannelATE
Cigarro & Cerveja
Conspiracy Friends!
Crunchy Bunches

Curia Regis
Cyanide and Happiness
dead winter (has some explicit stuff)
Devilbear: The Grimoires of Bearalzebub (PG-13?)
Diesel Sweeties
DUBBLEBABY
Dumm Comics
Eat That Toast!
E-merl.com
The End
Evil Diva
Evil Inc.
Existential Comics
The Fancy Adventures of Jack Cannon
For Lack of a Better Comic
Forming (Explicit)

Girls with Slingshots (some explicit stuff...?)
Mirror
The Intrepid Girlbot
JBabb Comics
The Last Halloween
Last Train to Old Town
L.A.W.L.S.
The League of Evil Genius

Legend of Bill
Living With Insanity (some nudity)
Love Me Nice
Married to the Sea
Meaty Yogurt
Medium Large
The Meek
Metacarpolis
Monsterhood
Monsterkind
The Moon Prince
Moth (Some nudity)
Mr. Lovenstein
Muddlers Beat

Natalie Dee
Nedroid
The Non-Adventures of Wonderella
Optipess
Out There
Owen's Uncles
Phuzzy Comics
Political Cartoonists Index
Poorly Drawn Lines
Powernap
The Property of Hate
Red Meat
Rice Boy
Robbie and Bobby
Rosscott, Inc.
Safely Endangered
Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Savage Chickens
Scary Go Round
Scenes from a Multiverse
The Secret Knots
Serenity Rose
Stand Still. Stay Silent
Stinking Hellebore
Strong Female Protagonist
Subnormality
Tales of Pylea
Three Word Phrase (some nudity)
Tiny Kitten Teeth
Toothpaste for Dinner
Trying Human (Some nudity)
Two Guys and Guy

Wilde Life
Witchy
xkcd
Yellow Peril (PG-13)

Infrequently/No Longer Updating Web Comics
The Abominable Charles Christopher
The Adventures of Dr. McNinja
The Adventures of Ellie Connelly
American Hell
Bag of Toast
Bear in Mind
Bobwhite
The Book of Biff
Brat-halla
Brightest
Broodhollow
Bullfinch
Camp Weedonwantcha
Chain Bear (Some explicit stuff)
Chainsawsuit
Daisy is Dead
Distillum
Dream Life
Ectopiary (Some nudity)
Edemia
Edmund Finney's Quest to Find the Meaning of Life
A Fine Example
Finn and Charlie are HITCHED
Floodmud
Freaks!

Green Wake
Gun Show
Hark! A Vagrant
Head Doctor Productions
Hello with Cheese
Helpful Figures
Hollow Mountain
IDK Comics
Inscribing Ardi
Intragalactic
Kyle & Atticus
Lesbian Pirates from Outer Space
Letters to a Wild Boar
Lovecraft is Missing

Manta-man
Meat and Plastic
Minimalism Sucks
Mis-
Moe
Moon Town
The Nerds of Paradise
Nimona
No Reason Comics
Odd-Fish
One Swoop Fell
Patches
Pictures for Sad Children
Raymondo Person
A Redtail's Dream
Riotfish
Roy's Boys (PG 13?)
Run Freak Run
Saint's Way
Shortpacked!
Sin Titulo
Snowflakes
Split Lip
Spooky Doofus
SubCulture
Super Buzzkill
The Super Fogeys
The Super Gay Adventures of Ross Boston
Thermohalia
Troubletown
Mirror
Ugly Girl
YU + ME
2815 Monument

Pure Flash Awesomeness
Aardvardkbutter.com
Angry Alien
Die Anstalt : Toy Psychiatry
The Frown
Hoogerbrugge

Other
Bogleech
Clients from Hell
Brian Despain
Creatures in My Head
Damn You Auto Correct!
Jhonen Vasquez's site
Overheard in New York
Passive Aggressive Notes
Submarinechannel.com
Superdickery
UHpinions
Whirled
Bird update
Wedneday, October 13, 2021
Look at these perfect babies getting along.


It's been a lot more active in the cage with four birds, but I think it's a good thing. The new birds learned really quickly to eat from our hands, and my brother has been very interested in training them. Of course, his favorite budgie (on the right in that picture) has been showing everybody else in the cage how things work, and practically trains himself. Today he flew to my brother's arm even though I was closer to the cage. I keep saying that he can tell us apart and prefers my brother, but my brother just never seems to believe me.

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I've been busy
Monday, September 13, 2021
"Wait By The River" by Lord Huron.

I will wait by the river
In the light of the moon
At the edge of the city
I will wait for you
Though I can't wait forever
Someday I'll be dead and gone
And I won't be forgiven
For what I've done


---

My lack of post writing is not because I've forgotten about Nutang. Sometimes I just don't know what to write though. I was in a bit of a slump for the past month, but I bounced back and am doing a lot better now. On the other hand, I fractured my toe, so that's kind of a new experience for me. I got to go to urgent care for the first time and see what all the fuss is about. It took about three hours, but everybody was quite nice to me and overall it was a pleasant experience as far as my interactions with the staff. Probably the worst part was that there was this woman sitting right behind me who kept loudly groaning and complaining the whole time. I'm sure she was in pain, and I can have sympathy for that, but she was practically complaining into my ear the whole time because of how close she was sitting.

---

Anyway, I've been up to stuff! I started a Discord server for local people who like birds and I've been organizing activities for ECS. Unfortunately, since I fractured my toe, I'm now unable to lead physical activities like hiking, but I'm thinking of other things I could try to do to get more people interested in ECS... Right now I'm contemplating some kind of recurring meeting for self-exploration through art. It's a very rough idea and I only started thinking about it today though. My goal is to get people engaged with our community on a less heady level, because I think most of our current offerings are very heady in nature, but that doesn't appeal to everybody. We end up missing out on people who might care about the same issues but aren't drawn to have hour long group discussions about like... the ethics of solar energy farms or something.

In addition to these new responsibilities I have, I'm going to start going to the gym again soon... I had been wanting to get personal training for awhile (since before the pandemic, honestly) but I kept putting it off because I was worried about safety... Since I actually got money from the last stimulus though, I figured I would put some of that towards the personal training. Ended up getting a three month package, which I'm hoping will help me work out despite the foot injury.

I've also just started participating in a shortish toothpaste marketing study, which is kind of fun. I get to try four different sample toothpastes and give my feedback on them.

Lately I've been making an effort to make sure I brush my teeth twice a day and wash my face twice a day (as opposed to only once for each), which I think has been good for my mental health in a small way. It would probably be even better if I woke up at the same time every day and went to bed around the same time, but well, one thing at a time.

Oh, and I adopted two new budgies. They're kind of young, and very scared of people, but they're cute and I hope they get along with Bill and Mimi. Right now they're still in quarantine, so they can only chirp at Bill and Mimi from across the house, but in a couple of weeks I'm going to move them into the big cage.

I think that's mostly it for my recent life updates... I don't know how many people still read this, but I figured I'd share for my own record at the very least.

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Chasing the distant [4P]
Saturday, July 31, 2021
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Things that go unmentioned [4P]
Tuesday, July 20, 2021
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This bit about cynicism again(?)
Saturday, June 26, 2021
Carefree Wandering has become my favorite channel on Youtube. I feel like Hans-Georg Moeller presents things in such an approachable way without all the flashiness and accessorizing that some philosophy channels use.



I started watching Daria recently because a friend said multiple times that I'm like the titular character. Three seasons in and I still don't agree. She does remind me a little of how I was in high school, which I guess might be fitting since she's supposed to be a high schooler, but overall she seems like a selfish and self-important person. I guess that could be said of the majority of the characters though. It mainly bothers me with Daria because she's supposed to be smart, but instead of using her intelligence to pursue any sort of personal growth, she just keeps up a constant stream of sarcastic commentary that seems to serve little constructive purpose. I've been told that she grows as a person over the course of the series, but it doesn't seem like there's been that much growth so far.

The reason I mention Daria is because there are multiple occasions she says she's not depressed and she's just a realist. While I don't think she's necessarily depressed, I take some issue with her claim about being able to see the world more "objectively" or accurately than most of the people around her. I guess it's something of a pet peeve for me when people claim their cynicism/pessimism is rooted in some kind of intellectual superiority. I'm pretty sure I've touched on this subject before, but it's been awhile since I ranted about this, so I might as well talk about it.

I really dislike that whole "the world sucks and I'm aware of it because I'm smart" attitude. It's just as stupid as people who think the world is all good. Maybe what I'm really saying is that I just have a dislike of black and white thinking, which I feel shouldn't be a trap people fall into if they're actually intelligent... but I guess that might not be fair of me to assume. Emotional intelligence and life experience play into these things as well. Still... I'm suspicious of the actual intelligence of people who seem so blinded by their biases. How unobservant and lacking in curiosity do you have to be to run across other people who genuinely believe there's a lot of good in the world and not ask yourself why there's a disagreement there beyond some smug assertion that the optimists are just idiots who can't see reality? Is questioning one's basic assumptions not a package deal once you hit a certain level of intelligence? I know that's phrased rhetorically but I do mean it as an honest question too. After all, I can't complain about people assuming things while I assume something myself in the same sentence.

It's hard for me to tell what is intelligence vs. values or some sort of nebulous personal inclination to think certain ways. I think people often talk about intelligence as if agreeing with their personal values is a mark of intelligence, e.g. "intelligent people don't eat animals because they understand that animals have feelings and it's cruel to knowingly cause suffering unnecessarily." While I completely understand the temptation to describe things in those terms, I don't like it. Then again, I imagine the people who do that probably aren't thinking of it as a choice so much as a statement of reality.

Everybody's caught up in their own vision of reality... And I am too in my own way, I'm just less confident in there being any one particular version of reality that is the truest. The noumena/phenomena split is just very salient for me, maybe.

Cynicism and sarcasm are often armors that people put on to avoid being vulnerable. Sometimes I think it would be more accurate to, instead of defending that armor with a claim like "I'm smart," say "I'm scared." Scared because awareness of the forces that affect society and the world in general can make you feel small, overwhelmed, and uncertain of how to make a meaningful difference. Evolution is slow, and humans evolved to live in relatively small groups (I remember a friend telling me once that in prehistoric times, a given individual would probably only know around 150 people max in his/her life). We're not really equipped to comfortably conceive of the kind of world we live in today. Awareness of just how far out of our grasp the scope of human civilization has spiraled is sort of a curse in the sense that it can be emotionally taxing. I still don't think the answer is to become a jaded misanthrope, but I don't know that there is a single right answer, either.

There are just no clear cut solutions to these things in my mind. My hesitance to commit to any conclusion would probably make me terrible at marketing.

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Trying not to become a blob fused to my chair
Thursday, May 27, 2021
Got struck with a bout of physical anxiety today. I couldn't really pinpoint a specific trigger, but I've been getting some the past few days and today was the worst.

Decided to exercise to try to make it go away, which seemed to help. I did 100 hip thrusts and some kickboxing stuff with my weighted gloves but that wasn't really cutting it, so I went for a short jog and I think that was what helped the most. It's been a pretty long time since I did any actual running, so it was a relief that I could still do a mile and change.

My workout routine has really collapsed during the pandemic. Or well... there isn't a routine anymore, I should say. I do exercise, but not as much as I was before, and it's basically never planned now. Feels kinda bad, but also it's nice to see I haven't completely fallen out of shape.

Speaking of that, I set a new personal record for plank time today. Seven minutes! I don't know how I improved so much when I haven't been practicing consistently, but whatever, I'll take it. Last time I did it was a few days ago and I held it for 6:30, which I thought was a fluke, but I tried again today and was surprised. My previous record back when I was actually doing planks regularly was around 5 minutes.

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Something perceived as closeness [4P]
Friday, May 14, 2021
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Initial [4P]
Sunday, April 25, 2021
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