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Wednesday. 12.2.15 1:16 pm
As always, I find that it's most difficult to begin. Once I make myself log in, it's almost easy!

news. news.

So, to reiterate, I got dumped. That's been a journey. I like to think I'm dealing with things much better than the last few times I've been dumped (or rejected!) but honestly, who's to say? The most recent news on that front is that I just learned that homegirl is NOT interested in picking up a friendship. Sure, maybe some time in the future (after I move away lolol) but apparently not now. This befuddles me because:

!) We have literally dozens of dearly loved friends in common and we see each other roughly every weekend. At church. You know, unity in the body and all that.
!) You said (when you dumped me) you valued our friendship and that you wanted to be friends.
!) You told my friends (about two months ago) you were sad that we couldn't talk, that you would like to be friends again soon, etc.
!) Your friends have been telling me (this whole time) that the best way to consider you would be to make efforts to bridge the gap so we can be friends. (Now they maintain the opposite.) Such discrepancy. Wow.

I am dumbfounded. I am found dumb.

So obviously that's confusing, more than is apparent here, and hurtful. See how I switched to the second person up there? Yikes!

I'm planning a second tattoo. I have this really cool idea that combines math (golden ratio mostly, also with lots of circles and fractals!) and spirituality (I actually got the idea from reading John 17 where Jesus prays for unity between the disciples.) Basically it's about how everything is connected and the universe is founded upon the concept of relationships.

Since the concept is strongly mathematical, it's impossible for me to explore ideas by hand. So, I wrote a tiny bit of software in order to generate an image based on my idea. If that isn't geeky then I do not know what is. It looks something like this:

It needs a lot of work before it becomes anything resembling art, especially TATTOO art. But it's a good start.

Now the only problem is finding an artist with the right style to pull it off. I discovered David Hale yesterday and almost peed my pants in excitement because this man's stuff is gorgeous. But today I discovered that he doesn't accept appointments from new clients anymore. Sort of. He sends on about a dozen original designs once a month in a newsletter, and people have to pick from those. One customer per design. That disappointed me greatly because the dude is less than an hour away from me!

I'm thinking of exploring my thoughts on forgiveness here. Let me get back to you.

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Time Capsule 12
Monday. 8.31.15 12:47 pm
Be it extremely emotional, controversial, messed up, or whatever, this entry has been password protected.

If you know it, enter it; or, ask me for it.

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Ironic life
Monday. 8.31.15 11:49 am
So we broke up

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It is time
Wednesday. 8.26.15 12:04 pm
I've been thinking vaguely about updating this blog for a while, now, but I kept putting it off. Partially because of the massive amounts of DON'T CARE emanating from nutang recently. I get much better feedback and support on the little tidbits I post on Facebook. And it makes me sad. Speaking of Facebook, I think a lot of my fuel for blogging in the first place was needing a place to tell stories and express myself a bit, but instead of making long posts with random minutia of my life, I just make short little posts on Facebook. Funny stories, reflections, that sort of thing. There's nothing really left for me to post here except stuff that I'm struggling with or working through, and frankly I'd just rather not. I have people in my life that I can talk to consistently to help me deal with that sort of thing, bringing it up here seems worse than useless.

Still, this serves as a decent way to keep track of my life (though I'm less and less inclined to actually trawl through my old posts) so I'll make a bit of effort.

France was amazing. I learned a few things.
# I hate French. Seriously. Plus I'm so friggin' tired of everyone asking me if I learned French. No. I learned enough to ask politely if someone speaks English. If I'm going to burn brain power learning a second language, I'm going to finish Spanish.
# The French seem more health-conscious, but everybody and his/her mother smokes constantly. Interesting trade-off
# Here in the USA, lots of people are religious, or at least spiritual, and willing to talk about it. But not many people are willing to challenge themselves and turn to follow God. Over in France, (and I suspect most of Europe,) people can be religious but in general people are extremely suspicious and protective of their religious or non-religious choices. However, from the people who do speak to us, more of them are earnest in getting right with God. Overall I ended up talking to roughly the same number of open people as I would have here. The difference was less wasted time talking to people who say they follow God but are stuck in their own ways. Refreshing.
# Pulp is actually not bad in soda.
# Dating can be difficult (I already knew this, but I learned it more intimately)
# I've got the best girlfriend ever.
# Hospitality from strangers is one of the greatest things ever. I met so many awesome people.
# Parks in the Southeast US need to step up their game.

In other news, I have a new, cheaper apartment. And two new roommates. It promises to be a grand time, now that we've finally settled into things.

I've been learning and growing quite a lot through my relationship with homegirl. A lot of it has to do with how to take care of her emotionally and spiritually. And the rest is mostly me facing up to my weaknesses and trying to be a better guy for her. We've sort of gotten past the "fun and games" stage (if such a thing exists) and hard questions are being asked. For example, I probably won't be staying in Atlanta much longer. I need to be thinking about where I go and how that affects us. Will she follow me? Can I make a choice that benefits both of us? So much pressureeee

Plus people keep asking about marriage and honestly I don't know at all how to take that. We haven't been dating THAT long, guys. It'll be eight months soon. Time flies I guess.

I'm thinking about a second tattoo. It has lots of circles. We'll see.

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