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“Live every day like it's worth a million years.
Find happiness in the smallest things,
like the sunshine, the music, the love.
Always keep your mind wide open to new ideas,
and your heart open to new friendships.
Everyone's got it in them to be the best they can be,
so give your best smile and throw up your peace signs, and thank God for life.”
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And I got the closure I wanted.
Tuesday. 9.18.12 11:38 am
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Just when I thought I was screwed...
Tuesday. 9.18.12 11:16 am
My class at 5PM got canceled.

That means I do not have a reading to read this Wednesday.
That means I have more time to study for my Bio test tomorrow.
That means I can make up for that lost time after oversleeping yesterday.

I am so relieved. Little miracles like this always make me feel like some things do go right in my life; I just got to value those moments more than I value the other things.

Thank you God!!

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"But I lost much for it."
Sunday. 9.16.12 3:01 pm

"It was long. It was a goal I couldn't give up on. Now, it's finally come true."
"So you made your dream come true."
"But I lost much for it."


I don't know why I ended up rewatching this scene today. I suppose I can blame my Bio homework for that lol.

Often times, when fans are asked which one they like better between Kyou and Tomoyo in Clannad, they would always say Kyou in a heartbeat. Now, let me begin by saying Kyou used to be my favorite*** in the series, and she would always have a special place in my heart, but her arc left a very bitter taste in my mouth. I couldn't watch it more than once because it bears a heavy semblance to School Days, a series that is difficult to watch if you felt for Kotonoha like I did. I do admit that between those two girls, pursuing Kyou seems to be less contrived; it's like watching best friends turn into lovers. I guess that's that.

So, what made me like Tomoyo's arc? I feel like of all the romanceable characters, Tomoyo is the only one who played an active role in getting Tomoya off his lazy butt and making him take his studies more seriously (for his own good). I hate to always say "this and that reminds me of my situation" because I don't want to sound like a broken record, but I admit I was in the same exact position before (except without the music + snow lol). And the funny thing was, I saw the episode while I was experiencing it. I wish I could find the whole episode on YT and link it here to show you what happened before that scene.


***In case you're wondering who became my favorite at the end of the series, it's Kotomi.

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It takes seven months.
Sunday. 9.16.12 1:07 pm
Seven more months till I graduate in college.

I've satisfied all my major requirements after taking so many units during my first and second year. I only need to take a few classes to keep my full time status, so I feel slightly relaxed now.

With my non-major GPA, I am graduating with high honors (Magna Cum Laude). I feel that all those sleepless nights and living in isolation for the past few years finally paid off, and I'm really thankful for that.

And more than anything, I am walking for sure. The date and time are already listed on my university's commencement site: May 4th 2013 at 9:00AM.


And yet...I am sad. No, it's not because I am officially done with school. It's because I know my whole family wouldn't be there to witness an important part of my life.

It's not like I blame them for not being there because I know (and I am sure) that given the chance, they would readily fly over here to be there for me. But that's the thing: I am here in America, and my family are all spread out in Canada, Japan, and the Philippines. Aside from the expensive travel expenses, the fact that the US Embassy is so strict when it comes to letting foreign people enter the country make it so undesirable to try. It's impossible.

It reminds me of when I graduated in high school. We were given ten free tickets to give out, but I could only use two of them for my dad and my uncle. I tried to hold it in because I didn't want them to know that I was down about it. So I feigned happiness and acted like I was doing okay.

I feel like I have returned to that moment again. I've recently received a call from my family in Canada and they told me they can't come (serious reason), and the same thing goes for my mom in Japan (money problem). It really can't be helped.

Sometimes I wish I am not so faraway.

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What drives him to do such thing?
Saturday. 9.15.12 5:06 pm
Be it extremely emotional, controversial, messed up, or whatever, this entry has been password protected.

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5 Centimeters Per Second.
Saturday. 9.15.12 1:32 pm
"The title 5 Centimeters Per Second comes from the speed at which cherry blossoms petals fall, petals being a metaphorical representation of humans, reminiscent of the slowness of life and how people often start together but slowly drift into their separate ways."


For the longest time, I would rewatch the last part of the film whenever I had troubles with my relationships. Not for masochistic purposes or anything (as the movie isn't necessarily good for the heart), but for me to keep going. I needed the strength, I needed an encouragement, and this movie's couple showed me everything I didn't want to happen to me in the future.

Or at least, that's what I used to think.

The thing about me is that I've moved from country to country, so my relationships had always been long distance. Well, correction: two were "almost" relationships that never happened, while the last one - the first one I've actually called my "boyfriend" - moved back to his city after high school. At first it was great: lots of phone calls, texts, and promises to visit each other every once in a while. But just like the time it takes for cherry blossom petals to fall, all those things started to dwindle as time went by.

I've never found loyalty to be that difficult to maintain, so distance was never an issue for me. I would always make an effort to reach out, to call even after a tiring school night, and to ask how his day was even though we no longer had anything in common and had nothing else to talk about. On the other hand, he never called me when I was sick. He never asked me if I was doing okay at school. In the end, I was the only one trying to maintain contact, just like all my relationships had been.

Long distance relationships are not impossible, they just require mutual effort to make them work. All this time, I have put all the blame on Akari for letting go so easily, but in truth, it was partly Takaki's fault for not keeping in touch with her. He was the one who stopped sending out letters in the first place. She made the bold choice of moving on, and in the end, she found the happiness she rightfully deserved.

I wish I could reach the same type of closure someday and be happy at last.

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