|
Maybe I Don't Have the Blues 109 You or the Blues If you don't like the blues, Lors a mussey! Neither can I Well if it's you don't like the blues I s'pose then neither can I Cause if your lordly will won't permit it I'm 'unna hafta bid 'em goodbye We can toss my rhythm out the window Flush my 12 bars down the drain Yeah, throw my rhythm out the window And flush all 12 bars down the drain Chuck my harmonica in the fire And leave my ol' guit' out in the rain See if the blues don't make you happy I guess we can throw them out Or perhaps if the blues don't make you happy Then, Lord, I could throw you out But if I have to choose between you and the blues Well either way I'm gonna pout Col' Blooded Blues Col' blooded! Can't feel my toes Col' blooded! You know I think dey is froze Aww my blood is runnin' cold every time it snows Col' blooded! She a col' blooded croc Col' blooded! Restin' on a rock Aww the only time she warm is at noon o' clock Col' blooded! Sleepin' in a log Col' blooded! With the col' blooded frogs Aww she left me cold down in the bog Col' blooded! Got the col' blooded blues Col' blooded! Body heat's what I lose Aww the only thing keeps me warm is some hot-bottled booze Little Red Robot Ain't got an essay done Since my little red robot been gone No I ain't got one spreadsheet done Since my little red robot been gone I been tryin' to crunch numbers on paper But all my digits been wrong If you see my little red robot Scan this picture of the shape I'm in Well if you see that little red robot Scan this picture of the shape I'm in I ain't gotten any email in my inbox Lord, since my little red robot knows when If you see my little red robot Tell him to program a route back home Aw if you see my little red robot Program his software the way to get home If his software can't be programmed Toss over this way a chewy motherboard bone Blue Moon Blues I got them blue moon blues Aw I got them blue moon blues If this only happens once in a blue moon, then I ain't got much to lose Oh them blue moon blues are waxin' I said those blue moon blues are waxin' Tryin' to live my life in the dark of a new moon is taxin' I'll be howlin' at that blue moon Oh you know I'm howlin' at the blue moon If I don't quit my howlin', I'm gonna be a blue moon werewolf soon AhhhhhOOOOOOOooooooo I said AhhhhOOOOOOOOOOOooooooooooo I want to eat your flesh Illiteracy Blues Got some illiterate blues Aww-aw, in my dyslexic shoes Got some illiterate blues Aww-aw, you know I'm missin' some screws The way them blues ills me, baby, Lord knows I can't even read the news Got some illiterate blues Aww-aw, you heard, I iterate illness Got some illiterate blues Aww-aw, you know I just wanna kill this I try to pour myself a lonesome drink, Aw, Lord knows I'm gonna spill this Got some illiterate blues Aww-aw, ain't no time for simple learnin' Got some illiterate blues Aww-aw, prevents my pages from turnin' The only verse that keeps me satisfied in this cold night Are those warm pages I'm burnin' Blind Mice Blues Got blues of mice who are blind Lord, I got blues of mice who are blind While they are hard to catch, it's us that they'll never find Oh I got blues of the blind mice Said I got blues of these blind mice To e-rat-icate these rodents from my house, I'd pay any price Got the blind mice blues Got a case of the blind mice blues Instead of chewin' cheese, dey chewing holes in my shoes Blues Suck Blues Aww that col' hearted lady She wanna silence what I say You know that col' hearted lady, Oh, she wanna silence what I say She gonna hate my ol' guitar Even though I never hurt her in any way I'm 'unna go down to Lakewood Aww, with my six-string by my side Yeah I'm 'unna go down to Lakewood With my ol' six-string by my side When I sing a sweet, sweet song to the lady Aww let her tell me she ain't satisfied But I will drink muddy water, woman I will bathe in the boggy muck Said I'll drink muddy water, woman And bathe in that boggy muck I'll lead a life of exile, lady If you persist that my blues songs suck Back Stabbin' Blues Got a sword in my back, Lord gotta sword in my back Dear God I'm bleedin' all over, gotta cut me some slack You know I turn around an instant And I kneel down to pray Said I turn around just one instant Makin' the motion to pray Aw the dear Lord answer my prayers In a most upsettin' way Yeah gotta sword in my back Whoa, got this sword in my back Turn a droopin' eye lookin' elsewhere, get a blindsided attack Well I think I'll just lie down now Gonna bleed out this misery I'm 'unna just lie back now Let it bleed out my misery Well the Lord put a down payment on my soul With a lifetime warranty Gotta sword all up ins Yeah gotta a sword in my back But before I die, I just need to tell yo... ACK! Fat Man Blues Does the ground shake when you walk? Do the trees tremble when you tread nearby? Said does the ground shake where you walk? Do trees tremble as you tread nearby? The way your footsteps causin' craters Aw you know you're gonna make the earth cry Gonna jog another mile, baby, Cause I got the baby-fat big-bone blues Yeah gonna swim another lap, baby, Awww cause o' them blubber-belly man-boob blues Gonna keep on shadow boxin' all night Cause' I got a couple lovehandles to lose Gotta get that stomach stapled shut, son Gotta get that belly lipo'd off Yeah try to staple that stomach shut, son Get that jiggly ol' belly lipo'd off Get that triple bypass heart clog cleared, son, An' stay away from that pig food trough Maybe I Don't Have the Blues Maybe I don't got the blues I might just be teetering on teal It could be I don't got the blues But I'm just teetering on teal Could be some aquamarine or green Can help me see just what I feel Maybe I don't got the blues But I just don't wanna risk it Said maybe I don't got the blues But you know I cannot risk it Perhaps I had the blues once And I just kinda missed it Yeah maybe I don't got the blues But, you know, the blues had me Maybe I don't got the blues But maybe the blues had me The blues had me locked in a sad lonesome cage, But it seems they let me free Maybe I don't got the blues In fact I'm feelin' rather glad So maybe I don't got the blues Since I'm feelin' rather glad Don't know what malaise crept right upon me To make me feel what I felt I had Comment! (5) | Recommend! Who I am not (Parts I-IV) 096 I. Orpheus My dog flees from pluck�d strings; her fleas command my tune. What hollow body holds a rhyme as long as my neck�s breath? I could domesticate myself, but in taming our lions we tame our pride. II. Abel My brother is his brother�s keeper. I am uncle to no abomination. As we lay in the Garden, (our hair in the earth) I question: Is Heaven above because our heads are the seat of doubt, or because our feet are the root of evil? III. Hector I was not breast fed. I am not a fountain. I will not hector you. IV. Adam Even if He and I practice Our secret handshake in the Sistine Chapel; Even if He sends me an angelic bath basket with ambrosial soul cleanser and holy bubble bombs (courtesy of The Body Shop); Even if I am the round reflection of an ever-changing God; I still have to ask: Is Heaven above? Because my head is the seat of doubt. Comment! (2) | Recommend! New Egypt 086 Day breaks on the moon, illuminating the outlines of scores of chalky pyramids against the inky black sky of space. A luminous green floating pyramid zooms above and momentarily traces the movement of a figure below before flying off to another location. The figure is REN, a human-shaped robot with a ceramic jackal face, who carts a sarcophagus with a heap of valuables past the rows of the pyramids before stopping at Pyramid 72C. Ren, in a methodical, programmed manner, places the sarcophagus into one of the bricks in the outer wall of the pyramid, when suddenly a hook comes from the side and shatters Ren�s face, leaving only the eyes and some damaged circuitry behind. The hook is NEATBEARD�s left hand. Neatbeard is a human who wears a patch, scraggly clothes, and other pirate clich�s, especially a long, unkempt beard. Neatbeard quickly modifies the hovercart�s control panel, and speeds away with all of the valuables and the incapacitated Ren. It�s not long before a hovering green pyramid catches sight of the speeding cart and tracks Neatbeard from above. A dozen jackal robots like Ren start chasing the cart, but Neatbeard swats them away with his hook and whips at them with his beard while laughing maniacally. Cannon fire strikes the green pyramid and temporarily freezes it while Neatbeard boards the ship that fired the shot. Several more green pyramids tail the ship and shoot lasers at it from the crosses at their peaks, as the pirate ship flees the moon�s orbit successfully and enters invisibility mode. Neatbeard and his shipmates repair Ren�s circuitry, who upon waking attempts to attack them in vain, because he�s chained down. Neatbeard activates a voicebox chip that allows Ren to speak for the first time ever. Neatbeard explains to Ren that robots like himself are merely mass-produced for certain tasks by the capitalist humans who live in the satellites around the dead Earth. The ageless THOTH, the leader of the church and state, uses the guise of religion to subdue the masses and prescribes that the people bury themselves along with all of their valuables, which the moon-based government simply takes and sells back to others. Ren refuses to accept that he was created for one purpose and decides to leave the ship to try to find the answers to his identity. Neatbeard�s ship disguises itself as a pretzel delivery vessel and docks at the satellite city Alexandria. Neatbeard and his men push their hot pretzel carts out of the ship and around the dock area where they sell the stolen goods to the local traders. Meanwhile, Ren walks off on his own among the crowds of people and robots with various ceramic faces. Ren gets odd glares from everyone. A mustachioed barbershop quartet, in song, mocks him and his lack of a face as he passes by the barber shop. They sing to him, �Where�s your mask, what�s your vocation? / We can�t even tell which way you�re facin�.� Ren starts to fight with the barbershop quartet, but is easily defeated since each member is trained in a separate martial art. Having caused a ruckus, Ren flees the scene and stumbles upon a ceramic face shop. He enters as the owner eyes him suspiciously. When asked what model he is, Ren does not know what to say. The owner questions Ren about how he got to the city, but when Ren tries to take a face, the owner presses a silent alarm, and a pair of femininely-built police robots, named MA�ATs, complete with sleek dark faces and a single large, fluffy, light-blue feather sticking up from each of their heads, enter and name Ren a rogue robot. Ren, confused, flees and the Ma�ats give chase. Ren runs through crowds with the Ma�ats not far behind him, until finally he reaches the dock area. Suddenly, a Ma�at falls to the ground and her face shatters and sparks, having been tripped by Neatbeard�s beard. The other Ma�ats are only confused for a moment, during which Neatbeard, laughing crazily at his hijinks, grabs Ren and heads to the pretzel ship. The other pirates use the pretzel mustard bottles to return laser fire at the Ma�ats, who hold off but call in some hawk-shaped air/space fighter craft, the wings of which flap as they chase Neatbeard�s ship. Neatbeard�s ship suddenly vanishes, and the hawks back off. A faint but large glimmer reveals that it is not his ship�s own invisibility, but a larger rogue colony�s cloak, in which they dock. Neatbeard tucks his beard under his vest and bows his head respectfully to his comrades on the space station Potyomkin. Ren greets the comrades and the return his greetings in a friendlier manner than the people at the satellite. Neatbeard introduces Ren to COMRADE VAKULINCHUK, a leader of the resistance against Thoth. Vakulinchuk, sipping on vodka and stroking his luxuriant mustachio as he speaks, explains to Ren the way that the filthy capitalists claimed all properties and rights to properties in the solar system and then slowly destroyed Earth, forcing everyone to buy new property from the conglomerate. This conglomerate formed the new government, and each member sustains his longevity with anti-aging methods available to only those with immeasurable incomes. Thoth is the pharaoh of the hierarchy of capitalist power. Disgusted by the story, Ren vows to help overthrow the government for the glory of the proletariat. Vakulinchuk smiles and dances a very manly dance, and then offers Ren full repairs and a new face. Ren is fitted with a ceramic lion face. They decide to finally strike at Thoth�s headquarters. Neatbeard extracts from Ren�s memory a conveniently accurate map of expected pirate attack routes on the moon. Neatbeard sketches a route that the security on the moon will never expect. The posse acts accordingly and sweeps down to the moon, firing precision cannon shots to paralyze the green surveillance pyramids before they are detected. Ren and Neatbeard, on foot, sneak in to a restricted factory and discover hundreds of men working with large machines to mass produce an uncountable amount of robots, many of them Ren models. Ren goes wild and begins destroying the machines. The men flee in terror and try to escape, and Ma�ats and Rens pour into the factory. Neatbeard smirks and unsheathes his facial hair, and begins dismantling his opponents as Thoth arrives at an observation deck and calmly watches the action unfold. He sees Ren with the ceramic lion face and mutters �Sekhmet?� then leaves. Ren continues destroying the factory machines, harming his own body in the process, and cracking his lion face. He then begins slaughtering the men who hadn�t found their way out in the confusion. Neatbeard notices and his expression deadens instantly. He tries to restrain Ren, but to no avail. Ren is dead-set on destroying everything and killing everyone as he punctures a main pressure valve. The factory enters emergency mode and is flooded with red, confused light. Neatbeard makes his way out in the pandemonium and finds his way back to the ship with no sight of Ren. He reluctantly climbs aboard and takes off as the entire factory complex flashes bright white and explodes. Later, Neatbeard�s shipmates approach him and tell him about the piles of fortunes that they stole while he was off fighting. Neatbeard has just trimmed his beard, and his shipmates are shocked. Elsewhere, Vakulinchuk pays four shadowy, mustachioed figures and commends them for a job well done. Comment! (3) | Recommend! Catch Us, Love 061 I've recorded a song that I wrote that I am tentatively calling "Catch Us". Catch Us It probably sounds best with a good pair of headphones, like everything. Comment! (1) | Recommend! I Can Never Get Any Work Done 056 Some kid in the street just got hit by a snow-plow and had his leg sliced straight off, and he and his friends started screaming bloody murder. I mean, come on, I'm trying to work here! So I yelled out the window, "Keep it down, you punks! Or I'll call the cops!" But he kept screaming. I guess he called my bluff. Comment! (6) | Recommend! Excuses, Excuses 014 Why do you people always dismiss excuses? If I complain about something, some peculiar little mistake or malice, I inherently imply that I'd like to know what was the cause. Not only do I accept excuses to aberrant behavior because our first nature prescribes self-exoneration, but I appreciate the information as a personal courtesy. So let me tell you a story. Frank the Squirrel was a very outgoing bachelor. When he wasn't foraging for acorns, he hit up the clubs and parties. He was real slick, Frank was; donned golden accessories, sported the finest colognes, and gelled his fur. Now, this isn't one of those procrastination fables where the squirrel goes out and gets drunk every day and neglects to save up his acorns before winter. Those stories never mention how the squirrel dies a painful, slow, frigid death not before he chews out his own intestines in search of sustenance, but it's implied. No, Frank saved up his acorns, because it's in a squirrel's genetic instinct, and he and I are men of science. One night, Frank went out to a pool party, and he left his tree, Edgar, unlocked. Some dudes busted in and ripped off all of the nuts. Edgar didn't say a word. When Frank returned, plastered, he noticed that his entire year's savings had been stolen. What the hell, Edgar? Frank moaned. Edgar remained silent. This is the last straw, growled Frank, and he left Edgar alone in the middle of the night, alone on the knoll forever. Edgar felt that something was missing inside, something like acorns. Of course, Edgar couldn't tell Frank that trees can't talk, because trees can't talk. Lesson learned, Edgar. If you don't have an excuse, at least make one up. A lie is a courtesy. Comment! (4) | Recommend! (1) |
NuTang is the first web site to implement PPGY Technology. This page was generated in 0.005seconds. |
|
Send to a friend on AIM | Set as Homepage | Bookmark | Home | NuTang Collage | Terms of Service & Privacy Policy | Link to Us | Monthly Top 10s |
All content � Copyright 2003-2047 NuTang.com and respective members. Contact us at NuTang[AT]gmail.com. |