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damnit
Tuesday. 4.1.08 5:36 pm
I was on my last sentence of my blog and the screen froze. I lost everything that I wrote. Fuck.

Basically what I had written was that I'm sick of the shit in this house. I'm more ready to leave than I ever have been before. The tension that has settled over this house is like a tornado cloud. Everything is being tossed around in crazy-weird directions.

About the only good thing that happened today was that I joined the gym. I spent money that I didn't have, but it'll help me in the long run. The thing is now, I won't be going there to just have fun. I'll be going there to work out. No more eye candy. I'll be watching the people who are there, but nothing more. Besides, I'm basically taken. Flirting unnessecarily would jeopordize what I have with Jacob. Soemthing I don't need right now.

Right now my attitude is set to whatever. There's no food? I don't eat. There's shit to do? I don't sleep. It's just whatever at this point. Working 4 very different schedules around one vehicle is not easy, but whatever.

Everything right now is just one, big, fat whatever.

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can't sleep yet ...
Monday. 3.31.08 6:21 pm
My day is almost done.

It started at 3:15am when my alarm went off. I had only gone to bed 3 hours prior. And though the hour nap I had at Jake's house was nice, it wasn't even close to helping in me catching up on my sleep.

I get to work at 4am. For the first half of my shift, I just couldn't seem to wake up. The first two hours, I had to stop every so often just so that I wouldn't fall over from exhaustion. I ate a muffin on my first break and that woke me up enough that I didn't have to worry about falling over, but I was still energyless.

On my lunch, I walked over to the gas station and got two cold bottle of water. That woke me up some. I started moving quicker and got a good amount done the remainder of my shift.

When I finished my shift, I needed to buy some things so I did that and then headed home.

I get home, call Jake and fix myself something to eat. I still wasn't able to lay down because I needed to go up to the gym, get ma to work by 4pm and then pick Steve up at 5pm.

After I pick Steve up I came home, took a quick shower and cooked dinner. Which brings us up to this point. Right now, I'm eating dinner and waiting for my hair to dry enough for me to lay down.

Some good things happened at the gym today. I didn't work out; I was just too tired. But I did manage to get another 2 week long pass. I felt bad about not using my other pass, but my life suddenly took a rather busy turn and I was having trouble balancing it all out. I should have a better grip on things now. I plan on going to the gym at least the next three days. My eye candy was also there today. We've made eye contact; he knows I'm watching him. Now all I have to do is work on my strategy to make actual contact.

It appears that I won't be getting much sleep tonight either. I completely forgot New Amsterdam was on tonight ... until my sister said something about House. New Amsterdam is on after House. I will be getting at least 3 hours of sleep. Which will bring my total sleep hours up to about 10 in the last 72 hours. Jake wouldn't be very happy with me if he knew I was staying up to watch my show.

Believe me, though. Tomorrow after I'm home from the gym and have showered, I plan on passing the fuck out. And not waking up until I wake up. No alarms, no waking me up for food, nothing. I'm okay if Jake comes over, but that probably wouldn't even wake me.

Alrighty, I have, yet again, managed to write a longer-than-expected entry so I shall end it here. I'm sure there was other stuff I wanted to write about, but I'm just too tired to remember.

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more hours + a life = far less sleep
Sunday. 3.30.08 12:04 pm
I'm happy that I've finally got something of a life outside of work and my bedroom. I'm happy that I'm being given extra hours that really aren't there to give. I'm incredibly tired because of both.

I used to come home after work and nap. Now? I come home, rest for a short bit and leave again. I get home in just enough time to get a few hours of sleep before having to work again.

Take, for example, this past few days. Thursday I was off; I actually don't remember what I did. Friday I worked for 7 hours, came home, changed and relaxed for a little bit. After dinner, we headed out to the movies and went straight to bowling from there, with a quick stop at home so I could change clothes.

I get home Friday night at around 1am; I finally go to sleep around 3ish am. I get about 8 hours of sleep. Yesterday I was off again, but as you may have read, I was incredibly pissed so when I got ahold of Jake, I asked him to come get me. I left the house around 2ish{?} and was gone until 9pm. Jake stayed until shortly after 10pm and I didn't lay down until 11pm.

My alarm went off at 2:30am, I got up, got ready for work and worked until 11am. I'm home now, relaxing and waiting for Jake to come get me. I have to work tomorrow at 4am, but I probably won't be home tonight until sometime between 10 and 11pm.

Tomorrow after I get off work, I'll be going to the gym because tomorrow is the last day I'll be able to use it. I also want to thank Ryan and Allan for helping me out with getting the pass and I want to thank Ryan for extending it from a week to 11 days. That was very nice of him; even though I feel a little bad for not taking advantage of the extra 4 days.

I don't think I'm going to see Jacob tomorrow because I have to work at 4am Tuesday too and I'll need sleep. Even though I can sleep with him here, I stay up because I'll feel like I'm wasting the time we have together by sleeping it away.

So that's how my life has been over the last few days and will be over the next couple days. I'm happy, but I'm very tired and probably will be until my next day off when I can just sleep the day away.

Right now I have Lotus out and she's curled right up against my backside. I can feel her breathing and it's kinda cool and weird at the same time.

Ugh, I was going to write about yesterday too, but this is already long enough. Okay, quick review. He took me to Club Charleston {a billiards place;} we got a few drinks and I played darts for the first time ever. Lemme just tell you how much I suck. I'd score awesomely if hitting the floor counted. After we were done, we went back to his place and I later met his mom. She was nice and he was surprised by how nice she was being. It's slightly amusing and slightly unnerving. I'm not sure how to take it.

She's invited me to dinner tonight ...

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unsure which to write about
Saturday. 3.29.08 12:18 pm
I'm not sure whether to write about how pissed off I am right now ... or how much fun I had last night.

Ugh, I'll go for the latter.

Last night Jake and I went to see 21. It was good. Some of the terms I remember and I'm sure that if I studied it, I'd be able to count cards with very little issue. It's just simple math with some strategy.

After the movie we met up with the group at the bowling alley. It was fun. The first game sucked. The second game was slightly better, but it still sucked. All that matters is that we had fun, though.

Jean was pretty excited about meeting Jake. She was having some fun with it.

Blah. This entry would have been more exciting if I wasn't so pissed off.

I can't fucking wait to be out of my family's house.

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wasting my time
Thursday. 3.27.08 7:26 pm
I was supposed to go to the gym today, but I didn't have the car and I woke up too late to get ahold of Yvonne before she got to the gym. I'm okay with that, though. I can always go tomorrow.

With the plans I have tomorrow, though, I'm not sure when I'll be able to fit it in. I have to be at work at 5am. I get off at noon and go to the bank to cash the pathetic piece of paper they call a paycheck. Afterwards, I'll be coming home and showering. Although, I guess depending on what time I'm done at the bank, I could go to the gym before I come home. I dunno yet.

Once I get home, I'll be calling Jacob to let him know that I'm done with my running around and he can come over whenever he pleases. We'll be going out tomorrow night to see the movie 21. I'm excited about it. He'll also be staying the night tomorrow. His mom had planned on him being out of town this weekend, so he'll be staying here to give her time alone at the house.

I still need to finish my taxes. I keep putting them off and putting them off. I only have a couple weeks left to do them, but I just can't seem to bring myself to do them. I'm aiming for Monday.

Uhm, I had other stuff to say, but I suddenly don't remember. I'll try and fit in a blog entry tomorrow.

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air good, food evil
Wednesday. 3.26.08 7:07 pm
Ma finally turned the air on. Only because I wouldn't stop complaining about it being hot. I took a shower, and felt like I still needed to shower. It was hot. And it's only in the 80s. I dread the 100s.

I finally fulfilled my Wing Street craving. I also ate too much. I couldn't even finish the sandwich I had for dinner. I feel sick to my stomach right now, but hey, as long as I don't puke I should be fine.

Jake and I went to see Horton Hears a Who last night. It was cute, but no better than I expected. I was going to wait till the end of the credits, but I didn't feel like it. I'm perfectly okay waiting until the DVD comes out to see what kind of tidbit they put at the end.

OMG! The new Wall-E trailer came out! It's sooooo cute!!! Behold:

I seriouly can't wait until it comes out.

I'm supposed to go to the gym tomorrow. I won't have the car though, so if I want to go with Yvonne, I'm going to have to get ahold of her and see if she can pick me up. I've already called, but I got the voicemail. I'll try again a little later.

Alrighty, I need to lay down. Sitting up is not helping my stomach any. I shall write again probably tomorrow.

Oh yeah, I came up with a new syndrome yesterday. Post-traumatic full moon syndrome. Cindy was acting weird yesterday and she joked that it was after-effects from the full moon that had passed this past weekend. So I came up with PTFMS. I thought it was funny.

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