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Memores acti prudentes futuri

You're unsure if I am a loose end or a strand
that waits for you to mend or understand
A few words
"When we describe the Moon as dead, we are describing the deadness in ourselves. When we find space so hideously void, we are describing our own unbearable emptiness."
~ D.H. Lawrence

"Is the meaning of life defined by its duration? Or does life have a purpose so large that it doesn't have to be prolonged at any cost to preserve its meaning?"

"Living is not good, but living well. The wise man, therefore, lives as well as he should, not as long as he can... He will always think of life in terms of quality not quantity... Dying early or late is of no relevance, dying well or ill is... even if it is true that while there is life there is hope, life is not to be bought at any cost."
~ Seneca

"People will tell you nothing matters, the whole world's about to end soon anyway. Those people are looking at life the wrong way. I mean, things don't need to last forever to be perfect."
~ Daydream Nation

"All Bette's stories have happy endings. That's because she knows where to stop. She's realized the real problem with stories-- if you keep them going long enough, they always end in death."
~ The Sandman: Preludes & Nocturnes

"The road now stretched across open country, and it occurred to me - not by way of protest, not as a symbol, or anything like that, but merely as a novel experience - that since I had disregarded all laws of humanity, I might as well disregard the rules of traffic. So I crossed to the left side of the highway and checked the feeling, and the feeling was good. It was a pleasant diaphragmal melting, with elements of diffused tactility, all this enhanced by the thought that nothing could be nearer to the elimination of basic physical laws than deliberately driving on the wrong site of the road."
~ Vladimir Nabokov, Lolita

"It is easier to forgive an enemy than to forgive a friend."
~ William Blake
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Still getting used to this
Saturday, April 3, 2010
So please excuse any lameness that may occur whenever I use my Flip cam.

Also, I spilled my Trix on the floor on Wednesday morning. :( And then took a dramatic picture of it.

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Assorted dreamlets
Friday, April 2, 2010
There was an ape monster and a fish monster but they were on display, I think.

Then in a high school cafeteria, a big fancy one with two stories and big windows, a boy was showing off suits.

"THE FINEST SUIT YOU WILL EVER WEAR," he confidently proclaimed.

Did it come with gloves, we wondered? Yes, it did.

He gave a blue ball to a fat boy and his hands became coated with a blue substance. Those were the gloves, of course.

I got a ball too, and swirled it around my palms. It missed the nails, so I had to rub it there. Then men came in suits and took us all away.

It was the government, and the suits and gloves were dangerous and they were going to keep us all top secret. We had run away I suppose, to be free, but now they were putting us back into our cubicles to work and be obedient. My name was Cindy something. I couldn't find my cubicle at first because the name labels on them were not arranged completely alphabetically. When I did sit down they gathered around me and placed a large tray of corn beef hash in front of me, demanding I eat it. I refused, shakily.

When they saw I would not do it of my own accord one of the men, who was mostly bald but for some white hair with ran around his head, and who wore glasses, took a spoon and scooped up some liquid from the tray and began to force feed me. One of my coworkers cried out that I was vegetarian and he ought not to do that, but he kept on doing it. I began to cry as they shoved more down my throat, and then I could see all the animals they were killing so they could force feed me meat.

Cows and then chickens and then zebras, and one of them was a unicorn zebra. I could see them being shot as I cried.

I guess it was kind of a torture, to get me to talk, but I didn't have anything to say.

The rest is too vague to describe.

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Good question
Friday, April 2, 2010
I had a dream, and I knew I was happy in it. It was a bubbly, innocent happiness.

It was the feeling of being content with existence on a sunny summer day, surrounded by friends and naive excitement.

Happiness, because I knew something, and that something was important and wonderful to me.

When I awoke the dream was hidden briefly from me, but slowly it edged back into my mind.

I never know when I'm happy in the waking world, if I am in fact ever happy. The absence of depression leaves me feeling.... clear. I don't know how to describe it well.

Sometimes I don't know if I prefer the happy dreams or the nightmares. The former I am dismayed to realize the insubstantial nature of, the latter less so.

How do I feel, then?

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Sacrifice in the Name of Science
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
...Is the name of the comic book I am never making.

My cover sketch today was the scene that stands out so vividly in my mind in that dream I had awhile ago, the one with the scientists.

The professor kept suggesting revisions and it was difficult for me because I can see it clearly in my mind, and when he says "maybe you should add more scientists" or "have the scientist standing on a ledge overlooking the lab" I just think "that's not how it was."

It was hard enough for me to just draw the scene flipped so that the capsule is on the right side instead of the left, but I did it. He seemed content with that.

And then, again, I was asked if I might consider cartooning as a career. "Why?" I asked.

I guess I know why. But I can't imagine making money from something I've been doing so long as a simple hobby.

The time to encourage that dream has passed, I'm afraid. Now I don't want anything, except maybe to sleep, and in that sleep to dream.

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It's been quite a while
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
...Since I last played Runescape. The graphics have improved somewhat, that's for sure. The people... not so much.

From Runescape Guy: Hi
From Runescape Guy: Say do u hav a bf
To Runescape Guy: What?
From Runescape Guy: Do u have a bf
To Runescape Guy: ...Are you serious right now?
From Runescape Guy: Yeah
To Runescape Guy: I'm taken.
From Runescape Guy: Damn
From Runescape Guy: Wats ur bf's level
To Runescape Guy: Uh, he doesn't play this game
From Runescape Guy: I want to be ur bf on rs
To Runescape Guy: ...For what reason?
From Runescape Guy: Plz
To Runescape Guy: Give me a good reason
From Runescape Guy: Ill do anything u want
To Runescape Guy: I don't really play Runescape that much
From Runescape Guy: So
To Runescape Guy: It just seems kind of pointless

Yep, same old same old. I haven't yet gotten any guys following me around asking for "cex" though.


I was browsing MLIA and read one about swallowing a Tbsp of cinnamon. It sounds interesting, but I probably won't be telling Mister Boyfriend because I'm pretty sure he'd attempt it. X|

Also what the hell I could have sworn I was like lvl 30 before in Runescape. Now I'm lvl 20.

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You will get this if you read the comic
Monday, March 29, 2010
What was apparently the most popular panel, now in more shades of grey!

Well, one person asked what I didn't expect anyone to, but what I was thinking about half the time I drew it up.


I don't have counseling again until next week because we have Easter Break this week. :/

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Shoddy [2P]
Sunday, March 28, 2010
Be it extremely emotional, controversial, messed up, or whatever, this entry has been password protected.

If you know it, enter it; or, ask me for it.

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Thursday, March 25, 2010


This is not about him, really. Just about everything else.

I keep thinking about it. Would it be so bad? Maybe it would be worse than just stopping there. When you don't know the truth don't you reach for the most extreme conclusions?

I don't have anyone to run away with. I wish I did.

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