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plain and lazy
Tuesday. 5.27.08 12:42 pm
Today is a day where I'm just lazing out. Rarely am I ever off on Tuesdays because this is normally truck day. But since yesterday was Memorial Day Observed, the truck is delayed a day so it'll be here tomorrow. Thus resulting in me being off today.

I've had to take ma to work and I have to go pick Steve up later. Since I really have nowhere else to be today, I don't exactly care what I look like. I ran a brush through my hair once when I woke up. That's it.

When I needed to take ma to work, I threw on my bathing suit shorts, a pair of slightly-too-big capris, a sports bra and a tank top. Just like my hair, I really don't care how I look today. Other than driving to and from where I need to go, no one is going to see how I look except the people in the house.

I need to take a shower later, but I even feel too lazy to stand for the 20 minutes it takes me.

I haven't had a lazy day like this in a while. It's kinda nice, but very, very boring.

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so here's how last night went ...
Monday. 5.26.08 3:40 pm
Last night was fun, even though we ended up not going to JET Nightclub.

He picked me up around 6:30-ish pm and took me to Outback Steakhouse. It was good, but very big. Neither of us finished our meals so we took the salads home with us.

When we left the restaurant, we headed down to the Strip, I put my heels on {I wore flip flops to the restaurant} and we went into the casino. That's when we found out that the passes we were given to JET Nightclub were not valid because DJ Tiesto was a special event; the tickets for Tiesto were only available online and were worth $100 a piece. The passes we have are still good, but they can only be used on a regular night. It sucked a bit, but I'm sure Tiesto will be in town again at some point.

So we wandered around the Mirage for a little bit. We went into the Beatles gift shop and then walked over to the Beatles lounge. There were a couple girls there, dancing in the O and U. Their outfits {or lack there of} were cute. Jake quite enjoyed himself.

We contemplated playing roulette there, but the lowest minimum bet was $15 and we didn't have much to play with so we skipped out on it at the Mirage. Jake asked me were I wanted to go and I'd been wanting to take him to the top of the Stratosphere for a while so that's where we went. He's not good with heights though, so we didn't stay up there for long.

When we came back down, we found $5 & $10 minimum bet roulette tables so we bounced back and forth between those two tables for a bit. I don't like playing at the table. For some reason I feel like there's more pressure. It just felt very uncomfortable. When we lost the $20 we had put down, we walked over to one of the roulette machines and Jake put in another $20. After about 20 or so minutes, we cashed out with $40. So we broke even. I much prefer sitting at the machines.

It was starting to get late at that point and we were both getting tired so we just came back to my place and chilled out for a bit before he had to go home.

It was a very enjoyable night, with the exception of not being able to see DJ Tiesto.

Oh, I only wore the heels while I was at the Mirage. When we got back out to the car, I had a blister on my left ankle from the clasp on the strap and a blister on the back of my right heel from my ankle bracelet cutting into the skin. I'll wear the shoes again; I just know now to move the left clasp off my ankle and to take off the ankle bracelet.

I'm looking very forward to the next time we go out. Hell, I'm just looking forward to the next time I see him. We don't have to do anything for me to be happy about being with him.

BTW, I posted a new picture of myself in my gallery It's from yesterday. It's one of the few pictures of myself that I feel actually came out pretty damn good.

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busy day ahead
Saturday. 5.24.08 10:05 pm
Tomorrow's schedule is as follows:

~ wake up at 2:25am. get ready for work. be there by 3am
~ work until 10am
~ come home. sleep for a few hours
~ wake up. take a shower
~ chill out for a little while until Lori gets home from school
~ have Lori do my hair and nails
~ get dressed
~ Jake will be picking me up {I don't know what time yet}
~ dinner {where, I don't know; someplace nice, I hope; we'll certainly be dressed for it}
~ after dinner, head to JET Nightclub
~ hopefully be home by 3am, 4am at the latest
~ pass out just to be woken up by my alarm at 8am the next morning

We're going to see DJ Tiesto tomorrow night at JET Nightclub at the Mirage. Out of luck, one of the customer's at Jake's work works at the club and gave him two passes for us to get in. It's a sweet reward.

I had to buy shoes for it though. These are the first pair of high heels I've owned. . . and they're 4 inch heels! They make me feel really tall. My only worry is the driveway {it's at a sort of steep incline; walking down and up it should be interesting} and the possibility of stairs. Flat ground I'm okay walking on, but stairs? I don't have those in my house to practice with.

Go ahead. Laugh it up. I'm just happy I can wear them and walk around without tripping and falling flat on my face.

I'm going to be looking pretty tomorrow though. It's as close to "girly" as I've been in a long time. Like, since I was little and didn't always have a say in my attire.

Alright, my alarm will be going off in 4 hours. I need some sleep. I shall write again probably Monday after work. I'll be sure to write about how the club went; it'll be the first club I've ever gone to.

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Saturday. 5.24.08 12:35 am
It's gotten to a point where there are so many thoughts flying through my head at rapid speeds, I can't seem to focus on any one specific point. It's making my head hurt.

I've learned that I need to work on taking shots. I already knew I couldn't take shots, which is why I didn't. But Jake said shots are fun, so I need to learn. I don't want him to be the only one taking shots when we go out to a club/bar/casino.

My tolerance for alcohol has also lowered a considerable amount since my partying days in Tucson; when I was drinking on a more regular basis. I think I should work on building up my tolerance again.

It's a little sad that I drank a lot more when I was under 21. I haven't really done much since I've turned 21. Weird.

Anywho ... Is there a such thing as more than one level of apathy? Like, one where you're on the more depressed end of the spectrum and one where you're not upset or depressed, yet not exactly happy or content? Cuz I think I'm the latter right now.

Meh. I need sleep. I'll write again probably tomorrow. I've got other crap to write about, but it can wait.

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Thursday. 5.22.08 3:49 pm
I finished The Host yesterday. I still don't know whether I like Ian or Jared more. I guess it's kind of even.

I have nothing to say about work. It was neither good nor bad. I just don't feel like talking about it.

According to the questions I received today, the look on my face seemed to indicate that I was either pissed off or upset. I know I've got sort of an apathetic mood, but I thought I was trying to keep my face neutral. I guess it didn't work out too well. I just blamed it on not feeling well and being tired; the usual. It's easy enough to pass off as an acceptable reason and people will usually leave me alone after that.

There are exceptions, like today. Cindy could tell I wasn't telling her everything so she pushed a little bit. She worries about me. I think it's part of her motherly instinct.

My problem right now is that I don't know what's wrong with me. I know something doesn't feel right, but I can't pinpoint it. I try and blame it on this or that, but nothing fits. Even my usual stress-causing worries don't fit this issue. I hate feeling this way and it bugs me even more not being able to figure out what it is that's bothering me. My mind starts to wander off into places it shouldn't go. I start thinking and worrying about scenarios that wouldn't normally cross my mind.

This certainly isn't the first time I've had this feeling and I'm sure it won't be the last. Though, I really wish it were. Each time it happens it becomes a little harder to deal with. You'd think, with it happening not quite frequently, but more often than it should, that I'd be able to better prepare to deal with it. But no. I guess the improvement would be that I don't break down into tears every time it happens. I kinda feel like I want to right now though.

Apathy is, in my opinion, more of a hassle than anger or sadness or depression. At least with those things, you know what the feeling is you have and usually why you feel that way. Apathy is neither those and you don't always have a reason for being apathetic.


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I've come to the realization ...
Wednesday. 5.21.08 6:10 pm
... that I have horrible organization skills. When it comes to thinking, at least. Otherwise, {not to brag, but} I think I'm quite good at keeping things organized.

I've found that writing down the thoughts and crap that cross my mind help a little, but they make me realize that much more, as I read and reread over them, that I can't seem to organize my thoughts enough to make much sense of them. In a lot of cases I find myself more confused than I was to begin with. Because now, not only do I have the original unnumbered amount of thoughts, but the annoyance that I can't make sense of the original thoughts.

Thinking is annoying. I wish there was a way to just shut it off sometimes. I can't even sleep it off because then the randomized images and crap in my head that take dream form bug me when I wake up. I'm one of those people who wants to beleive and tries very hard to convice myself dreams mean absolutely nothing, but I have trouble not questioning the reasoning behind one when it has a somewhat significant relativity to some issue going on in my life.

Thoughts and dreams. Something that would be great if I could just shut them off sometimes. It would relieve the headaches and certainly lower the stress factor. Hell, I might even be able to get a relaxing night of sleep that leaves me well rested and fully refreshed in the morning. But unfortunately, I have no way of shutting off my brain. At least not the part I want to shut off: the thought processing center.

Maybe I should take up yoga. Or some other form of deep medetation.

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