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awesome day. my stupidity.
Tuesday. 6.29.04 8:26 pm
I think i'm floating on air. seriously. i really am. cloud nine is all mine. lol. Ok. Today was seriously a good day. i feel blessed to have this day, it was beautiful. it was wonderful. it was the best ever. lets run this down.

(pardon the stupidity, the inanity, what ever you call it what ever it may be but oh well, my nutang ^_^)

Ok. First of all, i got a perfect score on my final when i finished it in 15 mins. thank you. I pissed my teacher cause i got a 100 for an average when hah, she hates me. lol. that was cool.

I hit every single green light there was to hit. it was amazing, red lights were not existant. ^_^

I chilled with the coolest most awesome person in the world. dude, i had a cool, chill, time with no stress awesome conversation, and book reading. please, hanging with jess was the best. hah, that rhymed unintentionally.

I went home, had a nice snack, chilled, and this kid i like, ok this is me reading into it too much but, i like this kid. i've been liking him for a while whatever. priscilla is a pussy and will never tell him ect... cause well, rejection is far to terrrible. but anyways. he wrote something cool. but later got pissed at me but thats cool. i dont know. that only i can know.

i had a really cool convo with david. that was nice, catching up. just being able to talk to someone other than jess and have someone understand but have them instigate conversation. it was nice. you have different friends and i can only have that kind of conversation with david; ok maybe with jess too but it wouldnt be the same cause lets face it, davids a whore and i love em. ah, that was cool. seriously. cool.

then the parental units came home and confirmed the trip to HAWAII! FUCK YES!. i am way more excited about that than anything else. at first i was really really chill when telling jess and david cause i wasnt really sure that it was going to happen and i was just being cautious not to get overly excited about it. but now that its for sure gooing to happen, i'm fucking STOKED! fuck yes. i cant wait to see my grandpa. he's the shit!

ok. hah, that was the stupidity of the day but i had to document it to make sure it really happened.

i'm in such a kick ass mood its sad that i cant share it with anyone. the only person that can deal with me is jess, and shes not here. DAMN IT!. no its still an awesome day.

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Tuesday. 6.29.04 3:47 pm

Iive in your fantasy world. you wont make it in the real one.

i was reading something and i was thinking. its depressing. to see someone with potential be this annoying. not annoying yet, this pathetic. not pathetic but i dont know. its bothersome. they have a world in front of them in which they can mold to their every whim given effort, and a bit of luck. no, they say and turn to the little dementias in their brain and waste so much away. they turn emo on us, they relive their pain everyday and believe that this is how life should be. they should cry, pain and bleed all the same. but you know what. hardcore truth. they're full of shit. they want the world to be bad, lonesome, and horrible. they want to be alone, they want to fail in life. cause they dont know what to do with success. those kids are smarter than me, more beautiful than me, and more fortunate than i, yet, they continue to waste so much, and turn it into so little. that is truly bothersome. there isnt a thing in which i can do, of course, there is the bitching but that doesnt help them. they've gone so long in this little "world" in which they like to pain, that they are untouchable now. its fucking bullshit. so much wasted. oh i love you they dont love me yada yada yada shut the fuck up. your fine with out that person. your fucking fine. get the fuck up and stop whining like a little bitch. "i cant always be optimistic but then again i cant always be pessimistic" fucken a. life isnt meant for you to waste all of your damn gifts. thats just pure stupidity.

bothersome. hrm. just bothersome.

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Tuesday. 6.29.04 3:16 pm
i've been catching my self humming. hrmm. i think its funny.

we might be taking a little trip. it'll be nice to see my grandpa. i really love that old man. hes a good person, he may have flaws like anyone else, and a temper to match all of them he's still a good person. i admire him. damn hard worker and i really love him. mushy as it may sound, i do like em. the whole family can gripe and what not about him but all of them have to admit, he's a damn hard worker and a good person on the inside, no matter how hard on the outside. that deserves respect if not love.

i have interesting writings to put up and interesting writings to write yet, i dont feel up to it.

cutting this session short due to an old flare up of memories.

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Friday. 6.25.04 4:28 pm
i had a sudden thought.

i feel as if. i dont know.

we are all amazing individuals. we are not the same. we are not our parents, and we are not our friends. we are who we are given what comonalities we posses. its amazing. bursting with personality. its sading dieing under pressure. its cool. get up and dance. we are our selves and souldnt give in to what the conformity may be. i can hate my self. well i do any ways but, hey, its interesting and, i like my personality. no not that. i like my individuality. theres no one like me. theres no dupicate copy. i'll be jumping off the walls and nodding my head but hey, it'll be me choosing my personal destiny. We have many commonalities but to the core personality, we dance to a different tune, and we sing a different pitch. I'm not just like them, and i'm not filtered in. AHH, let me be, i can stop this its transforming me. maybe i'm waking up. maybe i'm being set up but hey, i feel like i'm on uppers with out the downers its cool. i'm a unique individual. hrm...

its gone. but at least it existed.

you look so fine that i really want to make you mine. man, i hate that song. wtf am i singing it for? i don tknow i'm on CRAP MOTHER FUCKER.

maybe its not gone lol.

i wanted to talk to a boy, but he's out of town for month. *pout* thats ok. wanted to talk to another, but settling for the other.

i DONT WANT TO SETTLE! but i guess i will. i'll laugh at my self and my stupidity. boys are stupid but oh so beautiful. hrm.

new flavors. old flavors. MmmM....

i think i'm going to get rid of this nasty little habit of dropping people. But how? they drop me! well, though i instigate. hrm...

MUSIC IS BACK!!! thats what it is. hah.

"i wanted you to know that i love the way you laugh"

hrm. TOO OBVIOUS!. hrm.... i do laugh thoughl.

new toys. old toys. still something to play with. ^_^

why am i being so fickle? its the music. i'm saying things i will regret and being everything in which i am. *shrug*

"i want to hold you high and steal your pain"

no, i would like for you to keep the pain. learn. and be a better person. pain is a good thing in the long run and a bad thing in the short run. but hey. your choice.

dont dwell though, grow up and stop being such a pussy. life creates pain, yeah, ok, so what. Learn from it damn it. Understand that though life create pain, it creates happiness and its your choice to dwell in the pain and not happiness. not lifes choice.

I've been through my share, life will do as it will. you should too. dont let it stifle and kill you.


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Thursday. 6.24.04 10:06 pm
i was thinking of him today, unexpectedly. he came into my mind and refused to leave. little bits and peices floating by, recreating the past. It was interesting. The memories jogging my mind to what i wish it were, to what it'll never be. Theres no reason for me to think of him. I am forgotten in his world, even if he lies, yet, i hold on to this inanity and hope one day, but quiet my self and my stupidity. hrm...

another thought:

vanity is an interesting thing. it drives people, it scares people, it creates people. I was looking, and noticed my self, others, the world living in vanity. it didnt bother, it didnt strike, but it did instigate a thought. It brings depression. It brings many things. people fail. there is no perfection. yet, there will always be vanity...

another thought:

he seemed sad today. he doesnt fit in right now. hes trying and failing. hes waiting for school to start again. maybe life and friends will return.

it made me sad. to see one so great, fall and fail.

tis life.

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Nice Guys
Wednesday. 6.23.04 10:05 pm
alright. i was thinking. well, reading, then watching, then thinking. I read this thing http://www.stwing.upenn.edu/~jenf/writing/rant04.html and it was pretty funny but it has some stupid points. and then i was in class and i was watching this kid, and well, hes a nice guy. one of those funny quirky kids with some personality who are always there, always just one of the "friends" and is a nice guy. he doesnt get laid, he doesnt get play, he's a nice guy who finishes last. Theres no mystery to him, there's no real deapth that confuses a person. i can see through. yes, there are a good many things in which i am missing but, for the most part, thats all he is, a nice guy. Its sad. its sad that thats all the kid will be, at least for now, and i slightly (though not wholistically) pity him. what i have to think about it is, damn, have some confidence, so many kids out there, if they just had confidence WOW, what amazing people they would be. I am not one to talk cause i have a serious lack in that department but, it saddens me because some people i dont know. potential. i can think of a million people that i wish would be confident and find that person for them and stop being the damn "nice guys"

theres more to it but i dont feel like articulating my self...

i reread what i wrote. i am a damn hypocryte but at least i know it. *shrug*

girls are attracted to mystery and challenge. at least i know i am. nice boys, they have neither.


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