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The weather
A constant state of being.
My Unkymood Punkymood (Unkymoods)
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hell hath arrive-eth
Sunday. 5.18.08 3:22 pm
We have officially hit our first triple digits of the year. It's 3:23pm and it's 101 outside right now. The high is supposed to be 104. Tomorrow the high is supposed to be 107 and then Tuesday the high is supposed to be 105. We then get a 'cold' front coming through causing temps to drop back down to 80 by Thursday.

Fuck. It's hot.

Yesterday was ... decent. Jake came over shortly after 11am and we left the house around quarter after 12. Went up to his place and chilled out for a bit. I met his little brother. In a way he reminds me of my little brother. . .

Around 3:30ish, we were getting hungry and since there was a party going on up at Jake's work, we headed up there to get some free food. He asked that we stay at least a half hour so he could make a good impression on his boss and I had no problem with it. He was kind of pushed into smoking a cigar though. Afterwards he said it would have been fine if I had told them "no, I really don't like it so I don't want him to smoke." Now I know for next time.

When we left and looked at the clock, we realized we had been there for an hour. Oh well. With the exception of the fact that everyone was smoking, it was alright. The food was good, at least.

On the way home we stopped at Blockbuster to rent a couple movies and went back to his place to chill out some more.

When he brought me home, he would have stayed longer, but from not getting much sleep the last few nights he was pretty tired. So he stayed for a little bit and headed back home.

Tomorrow is going to feel weird. I don't normally work Mondays, but we have the CEO & president of Big Lots visiting our store so I need to be there to help get it in decent looking condition. Then I work Tuesday and Thursday. I'm looking forward to my next paycheck. It'll be the one with close to 40 hours on it. Jake and I will have to go out and do something.

I'm losing my appetite for chocolate again. However my craving for chips has increased. Not just any chips either. Pringles and flaming hot crunchy Cheetos to be exact.

I don't know what's wrong with me. Oh well. Till tomorrow. . .

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dreams remembered, but not revisited
Saturday. 5.17.08 10:09 am
This is normally something I'd post on one of my other names, but I've got nothing to write about on this name today, so I'm posting it here.

I was thinking about some of the dreams I've had in the past; the ones that I've, oddly, been able to remember.

One of the main ones occured sometime during sophomore year. I was 15. I dreamt that I was driving with friends and I got into a horrific car accident. I was watching from above, {or the side, I can't remember exactly; either way, I was watching the scene from a third person's angle} the scene playing out before my eyes, yet it seemed to skip over the actual impact. All I remember was watching myself driving when next thing I know I'm watching myself die. Along with my friends who were dying or already dead, the paramedics running around franticly, yet calmly doing their jobs and the curious bystanders who wanted to, but couldn't seem to look away.

It was night out. The lights from the paramedics' vehicles brightened the whole area. They were ignoring me though. I had been thrown from the car and was now lying on the pavement, bleeding to death in the middle of the street. It was almost as if they either didn't realize I was there or thought I was already dead. I don't know, but no one came near me.

Next thing I know, my final breath escapes me and I'm dead. I'm no longer watching in the third person. I'm myself again. This time as a ghostly/apparition-type thing. I could walk through stuff and when I looked at myself in a mirror, I could see myself, but I could see right through me.

I decided, being that I was only 15, I'd go back to the high school and see what kind of trouble I could come up with. I was allowed to chose 3 people who could see me. I chose my best friend at the time, my boyfriend at the time and my mom. Knowing that my best friend and boyfriend could see me, I decided to have fun while at the high school.

I was enjoying the dream. Even watching my death seemed to hold a weird facsination.

I've never had another dream like it. I've always woken up before I was killed/died. Such as the reoccurring dream that we got stuck on train tracks in the middle of a forrest and just before the bright light hit us, I'd wake up. The thing that freaked me out about that dream the most was the fact that when I woke, I'd still be listening to the whistle. There were train tracks running behind the houses across the street.

The only other one I remember, without having written it down, was a reoccurring dream that I had when I was young. It's strange that I remember this dream because I was only about 6 or 7 when I had it.

I dreamt that a small plane, like a private jet, would crash in the empty lot next to our house. The flames would crawl over into the yard and set the house on fire. My room was first because it was closest to the lot. But my parents' room would be hit just afterwards because it was on the same side of the house. Before I could get up to leave my room, the flames would already be licking in through the cracks in the walls and under the door. I was trapped in my room; left to burn to death.

It was slightly ironic about that particular dream, because my dad was a firefighter so he'd be able to get everyone out of the house in that kind of emergency.

Anywho, those are the dreams I will every so often just lay and think about. It makes me wonder what kind of significance those hold for me to remember them when I can never remember the others I have.

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tired & sore, but okay {edit}
Friday. 5.16.08 4:42 pm
Yesterday started out crappy, but I was in a good mood because I knew that I'd be seeing Jake.

The truck was supposed to be less than half full, but instead it was completely full. And it was only Tammy, Cindy and I there to start unloading it. Bullshit. Oddly enough though, it only got worse when the rest of the help arrived. The guys just got in the way.

Once the truck was done, I was out on the floor working on ... I don't even remember. Just ... anything and everything. I ended up staying for a full 8 hour shift, though. Add that to today's extra 6.5 hours, my next paycheck will actually be decent.

I was incredibly happy to see Jake when he got to work to pick me up. It made it so much better too, because he's mostly recovered. He still tires somewhat easily, but you can definitely tell he's better.

I quite enjoyed the day with him. One of the things I had to do for him, though, was sit at home while he went to work so that someone would be home when the cable tech got there. Their internet is still not working though. It's lame.

We're supposed to be going out tonight after he gets off work. I'm looking forward to it. I'm not as excited as I was yesterday because I'm pretty damn tired. But believe me, I'm excited.

I don't have to be at work until 7am Sunday, which is nice. I was expecting to have to go in at 3am. I'll be able to sleep in a few extra hours.

I went shopping today. I needed to buy new pants and shirts. I got two pairs of capris and three shirts. It's kinda funny because none of the shirts I bought are black. A strange occurance for me. I did spend more than I was wanting to though. But, I needed the stuff I bought. I wanted a few other things, but it wasn't a necessity so I'll be waiting. Hopefully by the time I have the money, the things will still be there.

Okie doke, I'm done for today.

{EDIT} We're not going out tonight. Sadly, I had a feeling this was going to happen, though I couldn't tell you the reason. I just had a feeling things weren't going to go as planned. It felt that way all day. I guess it's a good thing I never got dressed.

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postponement
Wednesday. 5.14.08 5:28 pm
I'm debating whether to still start The Host today or not. I have to work tomorrow, when originally I wasn't scheduled. I'm happy about it though. It means more money on my already pathetic paycheck. I'm okay with waiting on the book.

I also won't be home tomorrow once I'm done with work. Jake is going to be picking me up straight from work, I'll be coming home long enough to change my clothes and take my hair down, pick up a few DVDs and head back out.

I haven't seen him since Saturday night and I miss him. I enjoy whenever I'm with him, but the last few times I saw him, we really didn't spend a whole lot of time together {a few hours last Sat.; a couple hours last Fri.; a few hours Tues. before last.} I want to spend the whole day with him. Tomorrow is that day.

I'll be dead tired by the end of the night, though, seeing as how I have to be at work at 4am and I won't be napping when I get home. But that's okay. It'll be worth it. I can come home and just crash tomorrow night.

It was nice out this morning {4:45am} on my way to work. Dark and cool. Just the way I like it. Then the sun came out and just ruined it.

I've been watching TV a little bit more, but not much. It doesn't seem to hold the same interest as it did a month ago. Whenever I got home from work, I'd immediately reach for the TV remote. Even if there was nothing on, I'd find something I'd watched a bunch of times and keep it on as background noise. Now? I turn my stereo back on when I get home and either listen to the radio or put my CDs on. I guess it's good that I'm not watching a ton of TV, but it's weird how I just suddenly lost interest in watching it.

I have to buy a new pair of jeans. There's a hole in one of the legs on the inner thigh area that I just can't fix. It's not along a seam so I can't even attempt at sewing it up. I needed to buy more pants anyway, but I wasn't expecting to have to buy them this soon. Oh well.

Blah. Okay, I'm done writing for today. I'm not sure if I'll be writing tomorrow; if I do, though, it won't be until late.

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money spent, time to stress/relax
Tuesday. 5.13.08 5:54 pm
I'm aware my title contradicts itself so let me explain. I've spent money I really didn't have to spend so I'm stressing about not having money. But I'm relaxing on my new mattress {which is comfy, btw} with my mini fan pointed at the bed so I can cool off.

The truck was normal. It sucked. A lot of it was big, bulky items. Which, I guess, is better than a ton of small boxes, but with the larger boxes you run out of space a lot faster. We have a fairly large ad coming up this weekend. It means I have to work on Sunday. Blah.

I miss my boyfriend. I mean sure, I saw him on Saturday, but still. I'm very glad he's got his phone charger. Now I don't have to go completely out of my mind. We've made plans for Thursday. They're not set in stone because I don't know yet if I'm working, but I will be seeing him. I'm looking very forward to it.

Uhm wow, I've got nothing coming to mind right now. I guess I really didn't have anything specific to talk about to begin with.

Oh, I got a bunch of Twix PB. I still don't want chocolate, but I've been wanting Twix PB for quite some time now. When I saw that we got them in stock I knew that I had to buy some. So I did and now I have them.

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there's nothing like thinking to pass the time
Monday. 5.12.08 6:18 pm
That's basically what I did all day. I thought. About anything and everything. The good, the bad, the annoying, the fun.

I'm still debating whether to buy a new futon mattress or to just continue waking up sore as hell from sleeping on bars. At the present moment I'm leaning towards the new mattress. The thing stopping me? A complete lack of money. I mean, yeah, I do have the money, but then I won't have it for other things. Such as food, bills and the clothes I'm in desperate need of.

I'm going out of my mind thinking about everything. Part of what helps me keep my sanity is talking to my boyfriend. Something I can't do at the present moment because I have no way of contacting him. It's driving me crazy.

I don't feel like myself lately. You know how I'm a chocoholic? Well, I've gone I don't know how many days without and I'm not having any cravings. Every time I walk past chocolate I actually don't feel well. It sort of makes me a little sick to my stomach.

I'm not upset, exactly, but I'm not ... I'm just not feeling like myself.

It's hard to explain.

I did have a weird dream last night. I wasn't quite asleep yet, or at least I didn't feel that way, but I was definitely dreaming. I was in the car with Jake. I don't know where we were driving to, but it was night out. We were laughing and joking about the events of the day when all of a sudden it was dark. Like, there were no street lights or car lights or any light of any kind. Even the lights in his car were off. All I could see was the sillouette outline of Jake in the drivers seat. Next thing I know, he's laughing and I can't move. I try moving my arms and nothing. I'm being pinned down.

I get jolted out of the dream and I still feel like I can't move. Like I was still being held down. It scared me a little bit, but after I slowed my heart back to a normal beat I was able to turn over and fall asleep again.

Alright, I think that's it for today. I've got nothing else.

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