Home | Join! | Help | Browse | Forums | NuWorld | NWF | PoPo   
welcome to my mind ...

The weather
A constant state of being.
My Unkymood Punkymood (Unkymoods)
Well, hello there.
Flag Counter
busy day ahead
Saturday. 5.24.08 10:05 pm
Tomorrow's schedule is as follows:

~ wake up at 2:25am. get ready for work. be there by 3am
~ work until 10am
~ come home. sleep for a few hours
~ wake up. take a shower
~ chill out for a little while until Lori gets home from school
~ have Lori do my hair and nails
~ get dressed
~ Jake will be picking me up {I don't know what time yet}
~ dinner {where, I don't know; someplace nice, I hope; we'll certainly be dressed for it}
~ after dinner, head to JET Nightclub
~ hopefully be home by 3am, 4am at the latest
~ pass out just to be woken up by my alarm at 8am the next morning

We're going to see DJ Tiesto tomorrow night at JET Nightclub at the Mirage. Out of luck, one of the customer's at Jake's work works at the club and gave him two passes for us to get in. It's a sweet reward.

I had to buy shoes for it though. These are the first pair of high heels I've owned. . . and they're 4 inch heels! They make me feel really tall. My only worry is the driveway {it's at a sort of steep incline; walking down and up it should be interesting} and the possibility of stairs. Flat ground I'm okay walking on, but stairs? I don't have those in my house to practice with.

Go ahead. Laugh it up. I'm just happy I can wear them and walk around without tripping and falling flat on my face.

I'm going to be looking pretty tomorrow though. It's as close to "girly" as I've been in a long time. Like, since I was little and didn't always have a say in my attire.

Alright, my alarm will be going off in 4 hours. I need some sleep. I shall write again probably Monday after work. I'll be sure to write about how the club went; it'll be the first club I've ever gone to.

Comment! (4) | Recommend!

untitled
Saturday. 5.24.08 12:35 am
It's gotten to a point where there are so many thoughts flying through my head at rapid speeds, I can't seem to focus on any one specific point. It's making my head hurt.

I've learned that I need to work on taking shots. I already knew I couldn't take shots, which is why I didn't. But Jake said shots are fun, so I need to learn. I don't want him to be the only one taking shots when we go out to a club/bar/casino.

My tolerance for alcohol has also lowered a considerable amount since my partying days in Tucson; when I was drinking on a more regular basis. I think I should work on building up my tolerance again.

It's a little sad that I drank a lot more when I was under 21. I haven't really done much since I've turned 21. Weird.

Anywho ... Is there a such thing as more than one level of apathy? Like, one where you're on the more depressed end of the spectrum and one where you're not upset or depressed, yet not exactly happy or content? Cuz I think I'm the latter right now.

Meh. I need sleep. I'll write again probably tomorrow. I've got other crap to write about, but it can wait.

Comment! (2) | Recommend!

finished
Thursday. 5.22.08 3:49 pm
I finished The Host yesterday. I still don't know whether I like Ian or Jared more. I guess it's kind of even.

I have nothing to say about work. It was neither good nor bad. I just don't feel like talking about it.

According to the questions I received today, the look on my face seemed to indicate that I was either pissed off or upset. I know I've got sort of an apathetic mood, but I thought I was trying to keep my face neutral. I guess it didn't work out too well. I just blamed it on not feeling well and being tired; the usual. It's easy enough to pass off as an acceptable reason and people will usually leave me alone after that.

There are exceptions, like today. Cindy could tell I wasn't telling her everything so she pushed a little bit. She worries about me. I think it's part of her motherly instinct.

My problem right now is that I don't know what's wrong with me. I know something doesn't feel right, but I can't pinpoint it. I try and blame it on this or that, but nothing fits. Even my usual stress-causing worries don't fit this issue. I hate feeling this way and it bugs me even more not being able to figure out what it is that's bothering me. My mind starts to wander off into places it shouldn't go. I start thinking and worrying about scenarios that wouldn't normally cross my mind.

This certainly isn't the first time I've had this feeling and I'm sure it won't be the last. Though, I really wish it were. Each time it happens it becomes a little harder to deal with. You'd think, with it happening not quite frequently, but more often than it should, that I'd be able to better prepare to deal with it. But no. I guess the improvement would be that I don't break down into tears every time it happens. I kinda feel like I want to right now though.

Apathy is, in my opinion, more of a hassle than anger or sadness or depression. At least with those things, you know what the feeling is you have and usually why you feel that way. Apathy is neither those and you don't always have a reason for being apathetic.

Ugh.

Comment! (1) | Recommend!

I've come to the realization ...
Wednesday. 5.21.08 6:10 pm
... that I have horrible organization skills. When it comes to thinking, at least. Otherwise, {not to brag, but} I think I'm quite good at keeping things organized.

I've found that writing down the thoughts and crap that cross my mind help a little, but they make me realize that much more, as I read and reread over them, that I can't seem to organize my thoughts enough to make much sense of them. In a lot of cases I find myself more confused than I was to begin with. Because now, not only do I have the original unnumbered amount of thoughts, but the annoyance that I can't make sense of the original thoughts.

Thinking is annoying. I wish there was a way to just shut it off sometimes. I can't even sleep it off because then the randomized images and crap in my head that take dream form bug me when I wake up. I'm one of those people who wants to beleive and tries very hard to convice myself dreams mean absolutely nothing, but I have trouble not questioning the reasoning behind one when it has a somewhat significant relativity to some issue going on in my life.

Thoughts and dreams. Something that would be great if I could just shut them off sometimes. It would relieve the headaches and certainly lower the stress factor. Hell, I might even be able to get a relaxing night of sleep that leaves me well rested and fully refreshed in the morning. But unfortunately, I have no way of shutting off my brain. At least not the part I want to shut off: the thought processing center.

Maybe I should take up yoga. Or some other form of deep medetation.

Comment! (3) | Recommend!

meh
Tuesday. 5.20.08 9:47 pm
I really have nothing to write, but I feel the urge to do so.

Truck sucked. As always. It's what usually drains me on Tuesdays. Other than the fact that I usually only get about 4 hours of sleep prior and I'm up at 3 in the AM.

Jake and I have been together for two months today. It's a little crazy because it feels like so much longer, yet it hasn't hardly been that long at all.

I'm not sure who I like more in The Host. I'm almost finished. Maybe I'll have my decision made by tomorrow.

I'm tired. Maybe I'll go to bed early. Even though I don't have to work tomorrow. But with being able to sleep in, I might be able to catch up on my sleep by going to bed early-ish.

Comment! (4) | Recommend!

a possible hiatus coming up
Monday. 5.19.08 1:17 pm
The cable was shut off ... again. For the third time in 5 months. This is getting lame. And it's pissing me off.

I could really give a shit less about the TV. Although there are a few shows that are about to start up new seasons, I can always just watch them online. But it doesn't help me any that the internet was shut off too.

You may be asking yourselves how I'm writing this without the net in my house so I'll tell you. I'm using someone's unsecure network from in my area. I don't know who's it is, but it's fairly close since the signal is pretty strong. It's obviously not going to be as high as when I use my own router, but it's still better than nothing. It's also better than using the gas to drive up to the local Starbucks or McDonald's to use their free Wi-Fi.

I don't know how long I'll be able to use the unsecure network though. Nor do I know when our cable/internet will be turned back on. Which is why I might be taking a hiatus.

So if I suddenly stop blogging, you'll know what happened.

Quick update on the rest of the week's plans at hand.

The rest of today: driving ma to work; picking up Steve.
Tomorrow: truck day; Jake is staying the night
Wednesday: off from work; Jake will be staying the night again
Thursday: work.
Friday: off from work; nice paycheck; possible movie & dinner with Jake
Saturday: off from work; no plans yet

I'm more than halfway done with The Host. I'll give it the rest of the day and part of tomorrow until I'm done. I would have already finished, but with work and Jake and everything else going on, I haven't had the time to just sit and focus entirely on reading.

I'll try and write again tomorrow. No guarentees though.

Comment! (4) | Recommend!

LostSoul13's Weblog Site • NuTang.com

NuTang is the first web site to implement PPGY Technology. This page was generated in 0.039seconds.

  Send to a friend on AIM | Set as Homepage | Bookmark Home | NuTang Collage | Terms of Service & Privacy Policy | Link to Us | Monthly Top 10s
All content Copyright 2003-2047 NuTang.com and respective members. Contact us at NuTang[AT]gmail.com.