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Memores acti prudentes futuri

Shown to the place you fold
there's nothing to be without it
A few words
"When we describe the Moon as dead, we are describing the deadness in ourselves. When we find space so hideously void, we are describing our own unbearable emptiness."
~ D.H. Lawrence

"Is the meaning of life defined by its duration? Or does life have a purpose so large that it doesn't have to be prolonged at any cost to preserve its meaning?"

"Living is not good, but living well. The wise man, therefore, lives as well as he should, not as long as he can... He will always think of life in terms of quality not quantity... Dying early or late is of no relevance, dying well or ill is... even if it is true that while there is life there is hope, life is not to be bought at any cost."
~ Seneca

"People will tell you nothing matters, the whole world's about to end soon anyway. Those people are looking at life the wrong way. I mean, things don't need to last forever to be perfect."
~ Daydream Nation

"All Bette's stories have happy endings. That's because she knows where to stop. She's realized the real problem with stories-- if you keep them going long enough, they always end in death."
~ The Sandman: Preludes & Nocturnes

"The road now stretched across open country, and it occurred to me - not by way of protest, not as a symbol, or anything like that, but merely as a novel experience - that since I had disregarded all laws of humanity, I might as well disregard the rules of traffic. So I crossed to the left side of the highway and checked the feeling, and the feeling was good. It was a pleasant diaphragmal melting, with elements of diffused tactility, all this enhanced by the thought that nothing could be nearer to the elimination of basic physical laws than deliberately driving on the wrong site of the road."
~ Vladimir Nabokov, Lolita

"It is easier to forgive an enemy than to forgive a friend."
~ William Blake
Online Radio

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A Distant Soil (Some nudity)
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Forming (Explicit)

Girls with Slingshots (some explicit stuff...?)
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Daisy is Dead
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A Fine Example
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Sunshine and blue skies and what's it all worth?
Saturday, March 20, 2010
Casey and I went to Central Park today.

The weather was quite nice, though at times it was a bit too hot and at other times a bit too cold. And we somehow managed to set ourselves down in a cloud of flies. X|

Casey's friend with whom she is planning to room next year joined us later. We went and sat on a different rock at the other end of the park and ate more snackage type stuff there, then walked around. Nothing really interesting.


I caught a fly in a bag yesterday. It was flying around the lounge on the fifth floor and it was bothering me so I bagged it. Casey was shocked that it was alive. We named it Francisco Herbert and later relocated it to an empty iced tea bottle.

Dunno why this is so bright... someone left a baby doll at the park.

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Friday, March 19, 2010
My counselor asked me to keep a log of either every time I cry and what caused it or my emotions in general for the next week...

I wish I could remember which one.

He printed out a list of emotions for me to use to help figure out what each one is.

Apparently "friendship" is an emotion. X|

They really need to revise that thing.


It took me about five times longer to find the embed code for this because of the crappy new Youtube layout.

Oh yeah, yesterday we saw a girl with waterbed boobs. That is the best description I can give you of how it looked. It was like waves in a low cut shirt. Yesiree.

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Good news, I guess
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
I called my parents to let them know I hate this school as much as it is possible for me to hate something.

They'll let me change rooms, but they might make me pay up to $500.


My mom wasn't there, but my dad told me that she had bought him some multivitamins that really helped with his depression.

That was the good news.

It seems like my family gets on a lot better without me.


I'm looking at THIS again. It seems so peaceful.

Just like this:


I keep thinking about walking. Not dying. Just walking.

I'll do it when I get home.

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Slowly, slowly
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
I've been awake for about thirty three hours if you don't count that half hour nap that was supposed to be sleep but which was interrupted by the fire alarm. At least I think it was half an hour? Maybe twenty minutes? Maybe less.

Ha... ha...

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Sunday, March 14, 2010
"Typically a person is depressed over a long time; he goes to a psychiatrist and after some psych workshop procedures it's decided he needs an antidepressant. Classically, Elavil is prescribed. Elavil takes three to eight weeks to work, and an average of four weeks. The person may not be told clearly enough or may not want to hear that the drug takes a long time. Two weeks later he bolts upright and says, 'This is the biggest crock of shit,' and swallows the rest of them."

I don't know whether reading about suicide makes me feel better or worse.

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Spring Break and stuff
Saturday, March 13, 2010
My mom flew here for my spring break, so I stayed in her hostel room for a few days.

It was pretty tiny.

The area it's in has a lot of little grocery stores and things, which was nice. We went to one called Barzini's and it was fun to look around... they had agave nectar.

Some interesting statues in a park or something.

All of the statues had broken noses.

We went to the Metropolitan at... some point. This was my favorite room.

A.... well endowed mannequin.

And here is another one!

I could smuggle stuff inside this bagel. :0

My mom wanted to check out Coney Island, but it's too early for it to be open I guess. We ended up going to the aquarium instead.

I guess I've been spoiled by the Monterey Bay Aquarium, but man, the New York one kinda.... was eh. A lot of the tanks were pretty dirty, and several of the exhibits were not fully open. It was somewhat disappointing.

ALSO, the walruses weren't there! D:

Meh, I wish I were at home. I'm tired of this place.

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"So this year..."
Friday, March 12, 2010
"You're going to be nineteen. Wow."

"Not necessarily."

"What do you mean, 'not necessarily'?"

"I think it's kind of obvious what I mean."

"So, nineteen. Does that seem old to you?"

"I already feel old. I've felt old for awhile now."


It depends on how you judge age.

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Wouldn't it be funny
Friday, March 12, 2010
...If I were schizophrenic?

I think it would be exciting.

That'd be great.

I don't know if I hear things that aren't there. I don't think so. He asked me anyway.

But how can I know what's real, honestly?

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