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Speak to My Finger
Books I have completed reading since January 2021:

1. The Enchanted - Rene Denfield
A spike in my foot
Sunday, February 24, 2008
I think the international food court in KLCC (the shopping mall in the tallest twin building in the world) is a jinx. On Valentine Day, my lunch date was abruptly cancelled and I don't want to mention it any further... Last Friday, I was abandoned by my idiotic colleagues. Here goes the story.

Last Friday, I planned to busy body at the MAS air fare at KL Convention Centre since papers have been splashed with cheap dirt air tickets. And I thought I could get free tickets through lucky draw. And drop by at Estee Lauder counter to get samples. This were my plans. And my colleagues asked me to join them for lunch. Since I got no lunchbox from home, I agreed.

We arrived in KLCC separately because I went to the bank and to my dismay it was packed so I skipped. And met up with one of the colleagues at another bank whom she was waiting for one girl withdrawing money and the other on the way to meet them. It was 12.40 p.m. I was kinda surprised to see her standing there because it's lunch time and food courts will be extremely packed at this hour. And utterly impossible to get a place to sit if you go after 12.30 p.m. Since I got nothing to do... I volunteered to get a place at the international food court. I said that clearly to the girl standing.

I went up and got a place after waiting for 5 minutes. It was packed. I walked one round just to get a place not mentioning waiting for people to leave their seats. And I got a nice place for 4 and so I waited for them. I called another girl who went withdrawing cash that I got a place in front of Sushi King. And later, she called me telling me they were at this place called Deli-something ... and then she hanged up. I could hear my stomach growling and my inner self keeps on wanting to give up the seat but I insisted on waiting. I thought they could not spot me since I was quite far away from the escalator. And so I waited until my patience is running on oil. I called up again.

Me: Hey... I'm in front of Sushi King... where are you guys?
A: We are in front of Deli-something... ordering food already... come and join us la
A: But I already told you we are in front of Deli-something ma
A: Never mind la.. you join us la.

And off I left the place with a growling stomach. Idiotic people. I left the place and packed some pizza and ate at a bench. I kinda enjoyed eating at the bench because I'm used to it since college. But still my plans were in ruin by these idiots. As I ate pizza, I kept on recalling back our conversation... I was thinking where did our conversation went wrong. Where went wrong in the first place??!! I told the standing-girl I would get us a place to sit and then I called the withdrawing-cash-girl about me sitting somewhere...

When we headed back to office, the standing-girl apologize to me and I shot back "I DON'T KNOW WHAT U GUYS R DOING!"

And I headed back to my seat to finish my pizza. Then I received MSN messages about the whole incident. The standing-girl told me the cash-girl didn't inform her about me getting a place. But excuse me? I told you first and could not you ask the cash-girl to ask my whereabout? And why the heck the stupid cash-girl ending the call after telling me their whereabout? I mean 'Hello You Guys Got Brain Right?'

If you think I'm harsh for calling them brainless, I won't apologize to that statement because they are at times although the standing-girl is much better with her brains. In fact, two people in fact should make this whole incident clear... the stupid cash-girl should also make a statement to clear things out because in fact she's the one that should be wronged. I told her a clear message and poor the other girl to admit all was her fault. And that cash-girl just kept quiet. How can you just see a colleague admitting all wrong just like that?! Man .. don't play innocent with me because everyone is not innocent and pure [and those people only exist in anime like Fruit Basket].

And yea I admit that I'm also very brainless but only to certain things and time. Of course I'm also brainless la... where got people 100% correct one??!! As the saying goes ... no one is perfect.

I was actually not angry with them but I put it up because if I just say 'Oh it's ok' they won't get the message to use their brain. My mum concluded them as budak kampung [rural kids because of the lifestyle difference with urbanites]. Technically the cash-girl is very budak kampung... This incident won't ever repeat again because I decided not to have lunch with them anymore. I know this incident is too minor to have this kind of effect on me but I just couldn't put up with people who don't use their wisdom. And I certainly don't want a repetition...

Lesson learned = Always listen to instinct.

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Killing overjoy
Wednesday, February 20, 2008
I have just recovered an overjoyed moment. I just finished my scholarship interview over the phone. And it's so nice of the Professor of the department I applied to repeatedly called me just because my stupid line sucks. He called me like 6 times just to interview me. And he kept on reassuring me that he would call me no matter what just to resume our interview.

I almost cried when he asked me the last and final question: Why don't want to study again in NZ? I didn't answer eloquently but my main point was conveyed.

My last question to the Professor "How many people were shortlisted?" His reply was "OUT OF 800 APPLICANTS, ONLY 30 WERE SHORTLISTED" I almost cried out on the phone. I was emotionally drained. I cannot hear myself telling myself that I was one of the 30 shortlisted. I dashed into the kitchen and kept myself busy washing the dishes but in the end I cried out of joy. It's just so unbelievable. The last time I only need to compete with 40 people to be shortlisted. But this is 20 times more.

I just could not stop thanking and apolgizing profusely to God for giving me this opportunity and also being selfish for my dreams.

Oh the course I'm applying is Masters of Environmental Management, Policy and Planning in Central European University in Hungary.

I will update myself and you guys about the final result.


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How are you?
Monday, February 18, 2008
I have been itching to flood one's eye with an entry entitled 'How are you?'. I didn't do it all this while because I thought I was sensitive and expecting too much from people to be like me. But as I keep on pondering for months and years I decided to post it on the blog for your verdict. It would be great to read your comments too.

Very common title isn't it? Oh well, let's get on.

My only mode of keeping in touch with friends is using MSN messenger [my main mode]. So whenever I see some 'long lost' friends or just friends that I rarely talk to but just added them from some online forum, I tend to say hello to them. Isn't that common sense? Oh yes, it is you may think.

The reply I often got is "Yes?" and "Anything?". Imagine you have not seen your closed pal for one year online and suddenly he just decided to go online would you not feel excited and immediately blurted 'Hello'? Oh yes, sure you would. And what happen if this pal replied you 'Yes?' or 'Anything?' Won't you get hurt?

No you don't? Wow... give me some of you immunity then. I do get so hurt. If you are just not in a so convenient time to chat, don't go online then. Or busy, just tell the person tactfully let's talk next time. Not shoot "Anything?". That's the most irritating and annoying reply I got when a person replies me that after I ask "How are you?"

And for some of you don't go LOL in your head because you never know you might be one of the people that I'm referring above.

Ooh don't you guys go "This girl [which is me] is nuts." Because I'm no nutty-filled. I tried to understand this whole bloody annoying thing so I asked one of the annoying people on my msn. I enquiried him if he always asked 'Yes?' when someone greeted him. He said plainly yes. I asked why. He replied people only say hi to him when they needed him. Oh how sweet.

So I'm sure you didn't guess that was the last conversation we had. Haha. And very painful in the butt I recently added two people with the same characteristic I just described. Why did I add them? Interesting question. That's because we share same interest and passion. I thought people would be excited when they found other people who have the same interest as them. Sigh. What a disappointment.

So like today there was this girl saying "Anything?" on messenger... I just shot back "I just wanted to say hi." I ended my conversation. I'm still reserving this sentence "You mean I cannot say hi?" [Hang on... I think I did use that sentence before once...] I don't really remember who was the other annoying person who loves replying this... I got so piss off that I just reply "Bye Bye" after that. And that was the last time I talk to that jerk. There was another victim of mine too. I scolded him a few years ago and that was the last time I ever saw him alive...

Man... if you don't feel like talking... just spit it out... don't masquerade it with 'Yes' and 'Anything'.

Say it to my face and I will save the punch on your face for another unlucky person.

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Happy Valentine Day
Thursday, February 14, 2008
Woohoo Happy Valentine Day to all singles and not single!

My lunch date was err... bad. We somehow abandoned each other so we didn't get to each lunch. To compensate my sadness, I bought myself a mini tub of chocolate ice cream. But I managed to pass a chocolate box to my date.

Dinner date was good. Hehe.. Worm worm bought me dinner at a fine Turkish restaurant but somehow I prefer my former working place (a turkish restaurant in New Zealand). Maybe because I'm used to the food there... especially baklava... Thank you for the dinner by the way!

And I'm still looking for member for the treasure hunt. T__T

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Wednesday, February 13, 2008
I want to thank the people for giving me encouragement for my previous post. I'm feeling much better and much much better now since I just bought a gothic lolita and punk fashion magazine. My eyes are just glued to the magazine.

I'm currently looking for people to join me for a treasure hunt which is purely for charity.

Want more details? Here

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Happy Moments
Monday, February 11, 2008
Happy moments eh?Happy - Happy Moments(Click here to find out more)

Someone in a forum was informing the others about a contest for bloggers and recorders to post their happy moments to stand a chance of winning RM5000. As usual, I went to busy body at the site. Yes, like the website said, all you need to do is to pick a happy moment out of your reservoir of happy moments. Simple as ABC right? If you are happy everyday, you won't be having a problem of picking one in fact you would just be spoiled with choices, isn't it?

To speak frankly, it took me all day to think of a happy moment especially tomorrow is the beginning of an unhappy life for me.

And I'm writing such an unhappy entry for the contest?

I'm not going to bring up my unhappy moments here since I have too many and I don't want to remember them. Why want to add more misery in my present life?

As I'm typing now, my heart is crying for the unhappiness I have endured and the ones I have to endure tomorrow onwards. I keep on questioning why do I have endure all this unhappiness... what do I have to do to get out of this well of unhappiness. The crux is why is the period of unhappiness so long that I feel it's a neverending torture.

How can I find happiness in this puddle of unhappiness? How can I even produce a smile when I'm so excruciating in pain? I guess this is what life is. Life is never perfect or forever smooth sailing. I guess be an animal like a pet dog even have its own life crisis. I guess part of life is to find a speckle of happiness in the vast universe of sufferings. The most important thing is to never give up the idea that happiness won't come to me; I must have confidence in myself that I would definitely have happiness no matter what!

Said is easier than done. As I stated, how can you find even a drop of happiness when the morning dew is poisoned with unhappiness?

I would try to be happy. I would try to smile even though I'm suffering silently everyday. And I won't give up until my nightmare is over.

If your are suffering too, don't give up! I'm with you!

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