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I present to you ...
Tuesday. 1.20.09 6:26 pm
The Man Song:


The Toast Song:

This is all randomjunk's fault. She mentioned toast in her entry and I thought of the toast song.

Anywho, my leg doesn't hurt much anymore. It's still sore when I flex it a certain way or put too much strain on it, but otherwise it's fine. Ha, just to kill it again tomorrow in the same class.

Talked to Jacob. I knew I hadn't noticed anything upsetting him. His mom just happened to catch him when he was more tired than usual. Everyone is cranky when they're tired and all they want to do is sleep.

I don't know if I'm back yet or not. . . I won't make promises just in case I disappear again for a while.

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still sore, but ready for more
Monday. 1.19.09 4:54 pm
My thigh is still in a bit of pain. Moreso my right thigh than my left one. Squatting down hurts pretty bad and stairs aren't fun. Luckily we live on the bottom floor.

I know the pain won't be entirely gone by Wednesday; it's not going to stop me from going to the gym and doing that class all over again.

I'm a little concerned right now. Either I haven't been paying attention or he's hiding it from me, or there really is nothing there, but his mom asked me today if I've noticed anything wrong with Jacob. She told me that he's not been in a good mood lately and that something is upsetting him. I'm really hoping that it's because it's not there or that he's hiding it from me. I'll feel pretty bad if it's because I haven't noticed.

I'm debating whether to say something to him later or not. I probably will. Make it sound as casual as I can.

I am aware that my cursor-following eyes don't work anymore. I'll eventually get around to deleting the code.

I've added a few new pictures to my gallery. You should check them out.

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starting {and hopefully sticking to} a routine
Sunday. 1.18.09 4:10 pm
Not even a week after I cancel my gym membership, I renewed it. Luckily it's a slightly cheaper price and I have access to a more exclusive gym, as opposed to before when I could only access certain ones.

I renewed it on Friday and today was the first day I went. I only went to one class, but it was more than enough of a workout.

It was an hour-long cycling class. Non-stop spinning for one hour with seated and standing switch-offs. The standing was what got me. I couldn't do it for the whole time they were, but I didn't have to if I couldn't do it. We were told to push ourselves, but work at our own pace and not to over-do it. Towards the end, I finally worked it out so that I could stand and pedal for the whole 30-90 seconds that they were doing it.

My thighs are what hurts the most; that's what you work out when you're doing the standing pedalling. I'm sure after a while, it'll not hurt as much when I'm done with the class.

I'll be going to this class three times a week: Wednesday, Friday and Sunday. It's a lot of fun and well worth the pain afterwards.

Jacob signed up for a membership also so we'll be working out together on certain days.

I'll be sticking with it this time. Unlike last time when I initially got the membership; I only used it maybe 5 times. For some reason, I'm more motivated this time than I was a year ago. Not sure why, but it's a good thing and hopefully it sticks.

I have two days to rest and recoop before I get back on the bike.

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last night's Blues
Saturday. 1.10.09 4:07 pm
So Jacob and I went to see the Blue Man Group last night. It was still {and will probably always be} just as fun and awesome as the first three times I went. What made it even better was that, since he had never seen the show, he had a lot of fun with it too. Just like I said last time, it is well worth the price. If you're ever in Vegas, that is definitely one of the shows you need to see.

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Tuesday. 1.6.09 4:48 pm
Seriously ...

just meh.

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Saturday. 1.3.09 10:27 am
I've come to admit that I have a problem. I think I've known about it for a while, but I've just not been willing to admit what I've been doing. And either I've ignored him or he's just not said anything about what I've been doing.

I realize and admit that I am not properly prioritizing. I am thinking about myself, but in the wrong way. It seems, as of late, that every single decsion I make revolves around whether I'll be able to see Jacob.

My shift hours changed and all I could think about was how I won't be able to see Jake for that long before he goes to work. I'm being offered a better shift to work on and all I can think about is that I won't be able to do the same things with Jake as I've been able to do.

I go to this place or I drive here or hang out with this person, it all goes back to Jacob.

I have a problem.

I guess because I've let it go on for so long, it hurts to even think about working on fixing it.

Him or I moving out will probably be the best thing that will happen to us. It'll severly limit our seeing one another, but it seems to be the only way. I have no refuge, no retreat that I can go to just to get away for a few days. He's not the only one who wants to be alone. He just ... wants it more than I do.

I have to work on doing things for myself where my mind doesn't immediately focus on Jacob. The thing is, I want our relationship to keep going. I don't want to take a break or break it off.

Physical seperation from each other seems to be exactly what we both need, though. Not easy to do when you live together and neither one has a place to go. Or money to get away for a few days.

I need to talk to him about this. It's something that's bothering me and I know it's bothering him. I can only hope the result ends up tolerable.

A better blog will be coming soon. He bought Blue Man Group tickets for me and him for Christmas. We're going to the show this Friday.

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