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The weather
A constant state of being.
My Unkymood Punkymood (Unkymoods)
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Tuesday. 11.11.08 5:59 pm
I knew it was coming. It doesn't stop it from hurting less.

I'll be gone for a while. I just don't see the point anymore.

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Saturday. 11.1.08 4:47 pm
I've been thinking a lot about my parents lately.

It's been 13 years, 4 months and 2 days since the death of my father and though I can go longer without the waterworks, each time it happens, it hits just as hard as the last. Something tells me that's not ever going to get easier. I already know it will never really go away.

I miss my mom. I've never gone more than a couple days without talking to her until now. I haven't really talked to her since my birthday. And with her and Steve sharing a phone, unless I call and actually speak to her, I never know for sure who exactly I'm having a conversation with {text message-wise.} It bothers me. I don't know what it is, but I just don't have a good feeling about this guy. She knows I don't care much for him, but what more can I do? I'm not going to stop talking to her because of a choice she's made. Not when she's been there for me.

Even my step-dad has popped into my head every now and then. Maybe because his birthday is coming up? Maybe for other reasons I'm unsure of. But even him, although I didn't favor him when he first came into our lives, I grew to love him. He wasn't my dad, but he was a father figure, a friend and as much a part of my family as anyone could be. I don't think I let him know that enough when he was alive. It's been a little over 3 years since his death.

Perhaps it's the depression that's making this more enhanced. I don't know. Whatever it is, I don't like being this way.

I sigh a lot. A lot more than a normal person. When my insurance kicks in, maybe I'll have that looked into. Along with every other issue that I have.

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one of few
Saturday. 11.1.08 12:57 pm
Be it extremely emotional, controversial, messed up, or whatever, this entry has been password protected.

If you know it, enter it; or, ask me for it.

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Wednesday. 10.29.08 1:13 pm
Lack of motivation much?

The last two nights I've felt very drained. I would wake up and feel like I had absolutely no energy. Last night was a little better, energy-wise, but not by much. {Tuesday-night-into-Wednesday is our free food night; last night it was pulled pork sandwiches, cole slaw, baked beans, corn on the cob and a strawberry cheesecake-like dessert. this time the food was actually pretty good; that's basically what made the night better.}

However, because I've had no energy, I've been feeling more tired than usual. I mean, sure, I'm always tired, but sleepy? Not really. Especially not like today and yesterday.

I guess it's a good thing I got some sleep this morning though. I'm having my boyfriend actually get me up for dinner tonight. I've missed the last two weeks' dinner with him and his mom, I'd rather not make it a third.

Anywho, in other news, I might now have plans for Halloween. I might be going to this costume ball {I have no costume yet and I'm clueless as to what I should be} in this haunted town a little ways outside the city. They've transformed the whole town into a haunted ghost town, yet they claim it was already haunted before the transformation. I know none of you live in Vegas, but here's the link - Bonnie Screams Ghost Town - if any of you are interested in looking at what they have. Because we only found out about it today, we've missed quite a bit of the extra attractions because they were earlier in the month. It's fine, though.

I wanted to go drinking Friday night and this would definitely give me the opportunity.

Alright, I'm gonna get some more sleep. I've only got a few hours before his mom gets home.

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a place called nowhere
Thursday. 10.23.08 11:31 am
Wouldn't that be great if there were actually a place called Nowhere? It would give people who want to get away to nowhere an actual destination to reach.

Such as me right now. I want to take a long weekend and just get away. I really have nowhere in particular I'd like to go. Maybe a specific geographical location, but not a specifically named place.

Or maybe just take a flight to nowhere. Just plane hop until I eventually end up back in Vegas. I'd take the cheapest flights I could find, one way, until eventually I find one back to my original location.

The biggest problem with both of those scenarios is money, or a complete lack of. Driving to nowhere would require gas in my tank and agua to keep hydrated. Flying to nowhere would require me to be able to afford the airline tickets, regardless that I'm finding the cheapest ones available. I have money for neither.

Technically I don't even have the money to eat the food that I am or buying the one game card a month that I have been. I can't afford my bills. I need to make a lot of money fast. How to do that other than stripping or being lucky at gambling? I haven't a clue.

Anywho, I'm getting off subject. Back to Nowhere. At least I wish I were on a trip with no titled destination. At the current moment, I'm wanting to either end up on an undisclosed beach location where I won't be disturbed by any passers-by. Or on the top of a snow-blanketed mountain where, when I look down, all I see is clouds.

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chilly much?
Monday. 10.13.08 12:04 pm
It's finally cooler outside. It would be even nicer if it wasn't windy.

A few days ago {around Friday-ish} a cold front moved through and temperatures plummetted about 30 degrees overnight and never really rose again. That and the wind was hovering steadily at 25-35mph. Yesterday's high was 55. Last night's low was 39.

Did I remember to grab my hoodie? Nope. I went through a few shivering spells during my 9 1/2 shift. I actually turned on the heat in my car on my way to work and in the short drive during my half hour lunch. Coming home I kept it off because the sun was out and it kept the inside of my car warm enough.

Am I going to wear long sleeves tonight? Yes. It's not cold enough yet to break out the 'winter' clothes, but it's enough to need long sleeves at night. I'm a little weird though; I like the cold. I'll complain about my hands being numb, but I'd rather be that way than having beads of sweat drip down my face and neck.

Unfortunately it's not going to last very long. It'll be back up in the upper 80s by Thursday.

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