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Ancient Egyptian Puzzles



Less than a week before school...

Here is what an interactive website told me just now..
"Your body fat percentage is approximately 15.6 percent — enough fat to give your body insulation and protection, but not enough to compromise your health. "

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I've finished the first draft of my statement. With hopes higher than a plate of cherry tomatoes balanced on a dog with a giraffe's neck's head, I will get a few more drafts finished today.

Anyway, I'm really sleepy. My nails have turned flacid with fatigue and grief.

I watched the premiere of 24 yesterday. I gotta admit, the show held me at the edge of my bamboo stick. I didn't catch the first 3 seasons, but this time.. things may change. Things may just do that: change.

I've got about 2 weeks left in my break, and it's 12:01 PM now. The sun is orange, like my teeth, the grass is green, like my gums, and the sky is blue, like the healing wounds on my body. It's not Thanksgiving '08, but I will take a few moments to enumerate why I am so thankful to be me:

1. I was not born with an useless mutant power, like waking up each morning with a random number of fingers on each hand.
   
2. I'm not blind. I just need lenses attached to my face all the time.
   
3. I can count to 10 on my hands. (I guess this is a spinoff of my first point.)
   

So what are you thankful for?

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The Personal Statement. I've been putting off writing it for the past week. This morning, I slapped myself with a porcupine-skin glove and said "Dave! you will at least draft up that Personal Statement today." It's past 9PM now, and still no progress. (I've been up for almost 8 hrs!)

Anyway, so earlier, I thought I should go for a walk. Get some fresh air, maybe some inspiration. I walked past the mailman, and asked him for some advice. He said, "Tell a story. People love stories. If you get stuck, I have a whole grab bag of stories. Here, take your pick," and stuffed a bunch of letters into my hands.

Next, I ran into the milkman. He said to me, "Just be honest. Yes, honest and straightforward, like this bottle of milk." He then spat into the bottle. "And now it's tainted! Yes, Victor Papamashalugi, revenge is finally mine...."

I even passed by a cop and asked him to impart some wisdom. A man of few words, "Go screw yourself, kid," was all he said. He then took out his glock and shot me in the leg. My left leg.

A few hours later, I was exhausted and thousands of miles from home. I sat down on the side of the road to think about all the advice I had collected. It was then when I met Mr. Ochikinara.

"Hey, what's the matter? You look a bit lost. Anything troubling you, son?" he asked. "Oh, my name Bill Ochikinara, by the way," and he extended his hand.

I shook his hand and said, "My name is dave... " and proceeded to explain my situation to him.

He took a few moments to think things over. Then, he said, "You know, I used to work at a glue factory in Nevada. When I started there, the company was called Gloogle, but then Google sued them, and the company got bought by Victoria's Secrets. Anyway, I spent 28 years working there and learned everything there is to know about glue. And, I bet you don't know this, but the best, highest-quality glue is made from aged, pineapple rind and guenons that have been soaked in a sugar and wine solution for at least 2 years. Most of my years were spent on the factory floor. The place was small, so promotions were few. During my 26th year, they had to promote me. You see, I suffered an accident and Victoria's Secrets didn't want to get sued and have all the press after them if things got out of hand..." That's when I noticed he had bear paws for hands, and was holding a butcher's knife.

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Well, it's been a while. Right now, I'm about a week into my month-long winter break. I have some (hopefully) quietly exciting plans planned for this break. I shall indulge you in my adventures as they come, imaginary reader.

The most agonizing semester of my life has ended. This semester has in fact been so unbelievably painful that it has caused my hairline to recede, my toenails to blacken with blood and demon feces, and my fist to shake uncontrollably in the air as a sign of frustration. Anyway, here's a recap of semester FA04:

• acquired 4 free tshirts
  
• acquired 2 free ipods
  
• performed 1st all-nighter—in fact stayed up for 48 hrs without sleep, food, or oxygen
  
• ate at just about every restaurant in Collegetown (of Ithaca, NY), with maybe ~2 exceptions
  
• made ~2 new friends (now I have ~3 offline friends)
  
• decided to leave engineering forever; peace!
  
• hit mann library, the ILR library, and clark library on one day; then, uris library, clark library, and THE VET SCHOOL LIBRARY the next day
  
• learned all there is to know about Heracles
  
• got some moisture under the face of my watch (it's quite disheartening)

Buy me something for Christmas.



P.S. Why the hell are the google ads on my page all about teen suicide?

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Since Fall break, I've had practically no breaks. I've been sleeping past 3am almost every night. There's just so much damn work. And what for?

God, Buddha, or Zeus, if you are listening, please comment on my page and tell me how to escape this painful rat race.

Sometimes I wish I lived on the other side of this world, where watermelons are cubic, shrines are protected by sacred monkeys, and the rulers aren't retarded.



All I ever wanted was a healthy son and a billion dollars. And, if that is too much to ask for, then I am a billionaire.

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This past week, my school held its Fall Career Fair. After passing out several sheets of paper filled with complete bullshit at this event, I was able to acquire the following priceless items:

• large, black, long-sleeve shirt (brand: M&T Bank)
  
• large, white t-shirt (brand: Prudential)
  
• large, blue t-shirt (brand: United Technologies)
  
• medium, extremely wrinkled t-shirt (brand: Manhattan Associates)
  
• 8 mechanical pencils (7 from AMD; 1 from IBM)
  
• miniature football (brand: UBS Investment Bank)
  

In other news, I got a free 20 GB iPod. It's so useful and magical. And, I downloaded Saliva's new album from napster.

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