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Let Me Guide You


Age. 34
Gender. Female
Ethnicity. A European Medley!
Location Radomyshl, Ukraine
School. Seattle Pacific Univ
» More info.
A Tweeting Twitter Twit, I am.

September 2022

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You Can Dance If You Want To
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Muse on Muse
Monday. 9.10.07 3:46 am
I just got back from seeing the rock band Muse at Seattle's Key Areana, and let me tell you, they put on one hell of a show.

I am bruised, exhausted, and temporarily deaf... but nothing could possibly get me down right now.

I got there about 15 minutes before doors opened, so there was quite the line, but I didn't waste time, and got my wrist band right away so I could get out on the floor. I staked out an ok spot, and rushed in for the opening band, but it was still a fight to get to the front. It took me all the way until the encore, but it was so worth it.

I was feeling pretty hardcore because only a few girls made it too the front, and most of them had to be pulled out because they were getting trampled. The only embarassing thing was that I was so sweaty, and we were packed in so tight that my shirt kept falling down my shoulders whenever someone would move. I have learned my lesson about V-necks at concerts.

I took some bitchin' pictures with my phone, but I'm not sure my service plan will let me put them on the internet for you guys. I'll have to see if I can trick them somehow. I didn't bring me real camera, because it had no juice left
. In many ways, though, that was probably a good idea, because the way things were going, I probably would have lost/accidently destroyed it.

On the way out, I bought a tee-shirt, and while I was in line, I noticed that my cousin and his wife were right next to me. It was the weirdest thing, because I thought he was still in Iraq, but there he was, and then around the corner came two of my other cousins! I probably scared them pretty badly because of manic I was, but whatever.

Tomorrow, I have to go to my office job, and it will be very boring, I'm sure. But if that's the case, I'll just have to write about all the things I've been meaning too for the last few days.

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Hurricane Madeline
Thursday. 9.6.07 9:24 pm
Yesterday with Matt was a complete nightmare. Absolutely hellish. Read on.

All I want to do is go see his new apartment, but we spend forever running errands and trying to get his car fixed. Then, when we finally make it to his building, his girlfriend calls. After about five minutes of talking, they start fighting. They get into it so hardcore that Matt has to stop the car... half-way into the parking garage.

Meanwhile, I'm sitting in the passenger seat, trying not to listen, counting the number of times they do this to me. I've asked them in the past not to fight in front of me because I find it extremely rude. I ask him for the fourth or fifth time if he can call her back, and he gets out of the car. Aparently, she knows I'm with him now, and the original argument has been completely overshadowed.

Another ten minutes and he's back in the car, this time putting it in gear. He's close to tears by now, so I hand him a napkin from my purse. She's coming to the apartment, that's why we have to go. He can't handle fighting with her in person right now.

We drive further downtown, for whatever reason. I don't know what he has planned, and all I can think about is how much better things would have been if he'd just told her thry would work it out later. But he can't do that, and neither can she. I know this. Like I said, they do this all the time.

Then I do the most dramatic thing I have ever done.

When we pull up to a stop light, I grab my things and run. I hear his car screech around the corner, but I don't look back. There's a bus-stop a few blocks up where I can catch a commuter bus to my hometown.

I see his reflection in a shop window. He's almost caught up to me, so I stop. He puts one finger on my shoulder. One finger. He doesn't grab me or yell at me. He's still on the goddamn phone.

He assures her that he's not hanging up and puts the open phone in his pocket. He smiles at me like nothing's wrong, and we've been having a swell time playing chase.

"Come on. I'll take you home now."

I shake my head, "You're already in Seattle. I'll just take the bus."

He smiles wider and laughs a little. I'm increadibly thankful we've passed the corner bus-stop crowd. "That's ridiculous. I took you up here, so I'd feel bad if I didn't give you a ride home."

"Matt, if I'm going home, what does it matter how I get there?"

"But, I'd feel terrible. Come on, let's just go to the car."

"Are you going to call her back?"

"Well, you know how she gets. I can't just..."

"So you expect me to sit quietly in the passenger's seat while you two hash it out?"

He laughs again. "Heidi..."

"Matt, just let me go, ok? I can handle myself."

"Are you sure you're going to be ok? You're not going to be mad at me later?"

I'd like to tell Sherlock that I'm already mad at him, and his girlfriend, but what good would that do? He'd never let it go.

"No. You guys just need to fight it out if that makes you happy. Let me go."

We hug, and he promises to call me later, a promise I could have done without. I make it to my stop just as the right bus pulls up.

Shortly into my trip home, I decide to give his girlfried a piece of my mind in a very polite text message, and I tell her to call me. A few moments later, Matt calls me. He apologizes for his girlfriend's behavior, and gets very close to apologizing for himself.

"Are we ok?"

"Yeah Matt, we're ok."

He tells me his girlfriend might be calling me soon, and I tell him I told her to call me. He's very quiet.

"Just don't tell her I told you anything about our fight."

"Matt, I could hear the whole thing, she knows that."

He stammers a few more half-assed apologies and I tell him a accept them. I don't hear from either of them until I get home.

By dinner-time, I've told my mom all about the day's events. She tells me I did the exact right thing and laughs about how immature they are. Then things get weird. Matt's girlfirend calls me, but I have a rule about not answering my phone when I'm eating out, so I ignore it. She proceeds to send me three separate text messages within two minutes that all essentially say the same thing: "Blame Matt, not me."

I send a reply after dinner apologizing for missing her call, but saying nothing else. Then I go to work.

Matt calls me at work, apologizing for real this time, we make awkward small talk for a few minutes before I have to rotate.

Today, the girlfriend sent me another text with an apology for her behavior, follwed by another "Blame Matt, not me." I ignore this, but laugh about it at lunch with my mom.

I'm sorry about the length... but this was so shitty, I just had to vent a little. I just don't know what to do anymore.

It frusterates the hell out of me, because, intentionally or not, she is completely dishonest about her feelings. She's told Matt she's jealous about the time we spend together, but she hasn't told me. To my face, she pretends everything is fine. And we're supposed to be friends.

I put fault on Matt too, because he is so damn stubborn. He has to fix things the minute he thinks they're going to break. Why can't he just let things bounce back? Oh, and as I've said, he can't be alone for more than two seconds.

I could go all Doctor Laura on their asses, but I think I'll go to sleep instead. G'nite.

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...Maybe I should put some pants on
Wednesday. 9.5.07 10:05 am
I hate the way I get sometimes. I workworkworkwork then CRAAASH! If I have a spare minute these days, I spend it in bed on my computer. The only thing this tells me is that I need to limit the amount of spare minutes I have.

Matt is coming over soon. He has the day off.

I am honestly starting to feel like the "other woman." I mean, we aren't doing anything that would constitute physical cheating, but isn't there an emotional realm to that, too? I mean, if he's not at work, and he's not with his g/f, he's with me.

Take Friday night.

I was pretty mute about that before, but it got pretty intimate. Again, I don't mean physically, although there was a hint of that. We talked about things that we'd never dared to before-- like his mom's death and my ex-fiance. I told him things even BFF doesn't know, and he told me things he hasn't told his girlfriend.

I just don't know if I should be sharing that much of my soul with someone, unless I intend to give it to them forever.

Maybe time for some emotional discretion.

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Oh the tangled web we weave...
Monday. 9.3.07 9:57 pm
Friday, Matt and I were looking at some YouTube videos, when we stumbled across this gem. As a joke, Matt left a solicitous comment, not realizing he was logged into my user account.

Today, I see that YouTube Chick has subscribed to my videos and sent a little reply to Matt's comment. I reply that I am sorry, but I am not the one who made said comment. YouTube Chick proceeds to ask me if I have MSN messenger. The only reason I can think of as to why she'd ask this is that my only video is the one you see in the entry below this. Gross.

Anyway, I had a pretty good day today, aside from fighting with everyone in my immediate family at least once. I went Labor Day shopping with one of my friends from community college and bought some cute stuff. None of it stuff I actually needed, of course, just irresistable sale stuff.

What better way to celebrate fair wages than spend a bunch of money!

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I'm racking up some serious sleep debt
Sunday. 9.2.07 9:04 pm
I've told you that BFF kept me up until 1:30am after our Thursday night coffee, but I was actually able to recover from that, since Friday is my day off.

Friday night was the night Matt and I hung out. He wanted to stay up all night, but, in true Matt style, he was asleep in my lap before 2am. I, however, got no sleep until 4:30, when I made him wake up and drive me home.

Saturday I woke up at 8am for work, then went to bed at 12:30, because my dad wanted to see the new(ish) Die Hard. I was so tired that I kept nodding off and having to shake myself awake, despite all the loud explosions and shoot-outs and general chaos.

This morning I woke up five minutes before I was supposed to be at work. Joy.

Tonight I'm going to bed early. I swear.

PS: This may or may not be a video of my workplace...

and even if that was my workplace, which I can neither confirm or deny, this video definately does not feature Jailbait... ::cough::

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This is the End
Friday. 8.31.07 6:07 pm
...of swim lessons at least. I'm not sure I'll ever teach them again.

After work, BFF and I had a coffee date, which turned into five hours of virtually uninterrupted talking. At one-thirty in the morning, I finally told her I was too tired to continue. It's weird how much stuff can build up when you don't see someone for a few weeks.

Tonight, Matt and I are going to hang out. He and his girlfriend are moving into their apartments tomorrow, so she is going back to Oregon to get her stuff, and he wants to stay up all night. I think he's just one of those people who can't be alone for two seconds. It's actually starting to get annoying.

But then, whenever we're together, my annoyance completely vanishes. We always have a good time, as long as it's just us.

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