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- Kid at heart.
- Indecisive.
- Stubborn.
- Adventurous.
- Movie junkie.
- Sarcastic.
- Spontaneous.
- Friendly.
- Fun.
- Selective hearing.
- Easily amused.
- Insomniac.

NuTangmember since July 15, 2003

Mercedes Lim
09/25/17 - 11/28/08
I love you grandma.
Anberlin - Dismantle.Repair.
"Pain, you just have to ride it out, hope it goes away on its own, hope the wound that caused it heals. There are no solutions, no easy answers. You just breath deep and wait for it to subside. Most of the time pain can be managed, but sometimes the pain gets you where you least expect it. Hits way below the belt and doesn't let up. Pain, you just have to fight through, because the truth is you can't outrun it and life always makes more."

"Forgive and forget. That's what they say. It's good advice, but it's not very practical. When someone hurts us, we want to hurt them back. When someone wrongs us, we want to be right. Without forgiveness, old scores are never settled, old wombs never heal, and the most we can hope for is that one day we'll be lucky enough to forget."
Tuesday. 10.25.05 11:44 pm
I've had a headache all day. After my math class I took a quick nap thinking it'd go away eventually and for a while it did. Meanwhile, I went skating.. in my backyard. HAHAH. I totally suck even more than I did when I first started. Oh well. I miss Daniel. He was the only person I went skating with.

Anyway, right now I just feel like blogging about stuff on my mind..

Gah, I don't even know where to start. Honestly, sometimes I feel like I'm content with everything then all of a sudden my mind just changes and I find small things starting to bother me. I don't even know if that makes sense. But the main thought in my head right now is just feeling unappreciated.

I don't necessarily feel that way towards everyone.. just certain people. I feel like I'm constantly giving, but never getting anything out of it. Not that they're using me, but sometimes I feel as if they just take advantage. Maybe they don't notice.. or do it on purpose, but I really get tired of it.

I was brought up to be someone that always offered out of politeness. Like I'd always be someone who will spot you if you needed it or buy you something even if you didn't have the money and even when they say, "I'll pay you back." I'll just answer, "It's cool." Even though its my fault that I offer to pay and they don't want me to, I feel bad because it's like I don't want to leave them out. So I basically keep convincing them that I've got it covered. I can't help it, I really can't. Gah, just typing this bothers me.

I'm kinda tired of it. It pisses me off in a way and yeah I know it's my fault, but I wish sometimes that I could just not care about other people and just worry about myself. That's how I'm always broke. I spend my money on other people. klsjfdkl;asjgdkl;jafdlgkjgfd. Man, I can't help but be mad at myself. I don't know why it's really bothering me.

I love my friends, I really do.. but sometimes I can't help but find some thing that bugs me about them.. then it ends up just building inside of me. This isn't the first time I've felt this way and bringing it up would probably just cause problems that I don't want to deal with right now. Mainly this is my only concern with certain people..

;klajfklsjdklfjg and I'm not the type of person that will be like, HEY, PAY ME BACK. I hate asking people for money, even though they borrow money from me and they're supposed to pay me back. I don't know. I keep complaining.. but it makes me feel kinda better that I'm letting it out.

And while I'm on the subject about things that bother me..

I'm so sick of people making promises or saying that they'll do something and THEY DON'T DO IT. What the fuck? Don't say you're going to do something if you can't do it. It's easy as that. Promises aren't meant to be broken. If you can't live up to what you said, the least you can do is admit that you can't instead of putting it off. For example, don't tell me you're going to get me something and get my hopes up and never get it then keep putting it off and just making more promises. Ugh. Just stop. Man, a lot of things piss the fuck out me. This shit is just putting me in a bad mood. I thought it'd make me feel better by putting it down here, but it doesn't. I guess I'm just bitter about a lot of things right now. I need to stop letting my feelings build up. I'm going to let em out on here from now on.

If you read everything, sorry I sound all whiny. This doesn't happen often. I promise.

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not focused.
Tuesday. 10.25.05 11:21 pm
I watched Maury this morning,all they ever have is people getting DNA tests. It sucks when those people on those shows don't get the results they were looking for. It makes you realize how many people cheat on their spouses or boyfriend/girlfriend. Why do people cheat on other people? I personally have never been cheated on, or cheated on someone. So I wouldn't really know how it feels, but I don't think I'd ever want to know.

There are so many big hurricanes this year. I happen to feel very fortunate that no big hurricanes hit Oxnard. We occasionally get the hard rain and strong winds, but it happens rarely. I've never seen tornadoes or hale before. I happen to love the weather here in Oxnard.

I have a headache right now. I find it hard to focus and get my work done. I have an outline due tomorrow and a test which I really should be studying for, but I'm not doing anything. I feel like a complete bum and it sucks because I'm complaining about it, yet I'm not doing anything to stop it. Blah blah blah blah blah.

I miss a lot of my friends. I miss my senior year of high school. I miss a lot of things. I haven't used my skateboard in weeks. /= I think I shall go skate tomorrow if it's not so gloomy. Gah, I wish I had my own guitar to practice on.. hopefully I get one soon. (= Man, so random. I need to stop this.. later on.

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