1:30 AM. It's so convenient to have that little clock in the corner of the screen, isn't it? Unfortunately, it makes it easy to glance at it every five seconds as I wait for my boyfriend to get here. While typing that sentence I probably looked at least three times.

I keep looking at the calendar, too. Seeing as it no longer September, I turned the page. I'm not thoroughly enthused with my calendar this year, but October has a nice picture. It's a man with a cane and top hat, and there are fat owls flying round his head. He looks rather serious.

Funny how he isn't even here yet and I'm already thinking about what it'll be like when he's gone. We will probably exchange some "miss you"s and "I wish you were here"s, but life will go on as usual otherwise.

I went to the doctor today to get a referral. She asked me if I'd had any thoughts of self harm. "All the time," I thought. But I just said "yeah". It occurred to me to mention that I never do harm myself, no matter how much I may think of it, but she seemed concerned anyway. She told me to go the the hospital immediately the next time I had such thoughts. I found the whole thing quite amusing. What happens if I show up at the hospital and say "I was contemplating banging my head into the wall and laughing hysterically until I collapse on the floor and the laughter turns to uncontrollable sobbing. Wasn't going to do it, but I was told to come here if I thought about it"?

Fun times. (I'm actually in a pretty good mood right now, so don't worry)

She told me I might want to consider taking twenty minute walks a few times a week to decrease stress and relax a bit. Not a bad idea, I guess. I'd have more incentive to start if I had somewhere to go or someone to go with, though.

I don't want to make this entry too long, so I guess I'll do some homework while I wait for him...

---Edit---

If you have time to kill and like Choose Your Own Adventure stories, I've got a link you might like right here:

CLICKIES

(I've also added it to the KtB module, under the Webcomics header, although I guess TECHNICALLY it's not really a webcomic...)

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Be it extremely emotional, controversial, messed up, or whatever, this entry has been password protected.

If you know it, enter it; or, ask me for it.

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It's kind of funny how suicide notes and breakup speeches can be so similar.

"You're better off without me..."
"I'm sorry, but I didn't know what else to do..."
"It's better this way..."
"I just can't take this anymore..."

Even the cliché "it's not you, it's me" works.

Ha.

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I typically try to avoid lyrics as titles on Nutang but sometimes things just work...

(Title from "Heartbeats" by The Knife, by the way)


I like my Children's Lit class, but it's reviving that old feeling of incompetence within me. We were discussing Little Red Riding Hood and everyone was talking about the sexual themes in it. The professor said "if you didn't notice that, you need to read it again."

Silly me, thinking that maybe it was a more innocent time, and climbing into bed with grandma was socially acceptable. :/

One guy in particular mentioned "the red cape being an obvious metaphor for a hymen." Yeah... I didn't pick up on that, either. Blah.

I'm having friendship conflicts again. This seems to happen every few days now. It doesn't help that paranoia is driving me insane. Everything feels like lies. I feel like I'm being lied to and lying myself. It's not gotten to the point where I'm questioning my existence again, but that doesn't seem too far off. My perceived reality is distorted enough as is... I don't need to be getting impractically philosophical and randomly freaking out because I suddenly wonder if I've ever existed outside of the present.

So many things are just wrong...


Paddy on the railway, picking up stones,
Along came an engine and broke Paddy's nose,
Oh, says Paddy, that's not fair,
Oh, says the engine, I don't care

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So yesterday night I went to talk to my mom about something, and she said "your neck looks fat. I think you might have a thyroid problem, and that's what's causing your depression."

Uh what.

Well let's see...

OMG SHE'S RIGHT.

Oh wait, that's not me. Okay, well I guess it's just an unsolved case then.

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The shampoo bar samples I ordered came today!

Man I love getting packages in the mail.(Who doesn't, though?)

They smell nice, but I think my favorite part is actually the cute tiny paper bags they're in.


I feel kind of like the stereotyped asian girls from Family Guy who think everything small is cute. Gah.

Also, here's another one of those videos with music I like and just... a weird clip.

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I believe I've discussed Van She on here before, but if not, here are some videos for your viewing pleasure/displeasure.


I like this one better, although it took a bit of listening to get what I hope are the correct lyrics...


The theme of Virgin Suicide kind of reminds me of Sic Transit Gloria by Brand New.


Even though I got it awhile ago, lately I've been appreciating Cherly Kacherly's "Drop - A 4 Note Soundtrack" a lot more lately. I guess it seems like fitting music for autumn.



This is not specifically relevant to this entry, but man, I have a lot of songs with lonely vibes.

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There's not actually a thing called Mashupalooza, is there? That would be kinda cool, but I'd feel like I was ripping off the title. :P

Anyway, STUFF.


This is probably the funniest mashup I've listened to in awhile.

"I wanna make it wit chu..."
"What is it?"

:3

I keep getting those freebie cards from Victoria's Secret in the mail. Gave the first one to Lucy, forgot about the second one and it expired, and now there's this third one that's good until October 18th... I might go, but I always feel weird about going into that store. It's all... pink... and lacy... and I tend to just wander around awkwardly while my friends peruse the wares. Fun.

I've been playing with my new Bop-It Extreme 2... unfortunately all of our batteries are somehow either dead or dying, and so I was treated to the slow, demonic trailing off that is the voice on a device with battery power.

It went something like this:

"Twist it!"
-Twist-
"Bop it!"
-Bop-
"Pullll itttt..."
-Pull-
"Spinnnnn iiiiiiiitttttttt..."
-Spin-
"Fllic- ghhhhhhhhhheeeeeeeeee"

And then it was just incomprehensible mumbles. ): I managed to find three batteries with some juice left, but I'm not sure how long it'll be before I have to replace them again...

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