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Memores acti prudentes futuri

You're unsure if I am a loose end or a strand
that waits for you to mend or understand
A few words
"When we describe the Moon as dead, we are describing the deadness in ourselves. When we find space so hideously void, we are describing our own unbearable emptiness."
~ D.H. Lawrence

"Is the meaning of life defined by its duration? Or does life have a purpose so large that it doesn't have to be prolonged at any cost to preserve its meaning?"

"Living is not good, but living well. The wise man, therefore, lives as well as he should, not as long as he can... He will always think of life in terms of quality not quantity... Dying early or late is of no relevance, dying well or ill is... even if it is true that while there is life there is hope, life is not to be bought at any cost."
~ Seneca

"People will tell you nothing matters, the whole world's about to end soon anyway. Those people are looking at life the wrong way. I mean, things don't need to last forever to be perfect."
~ Daydream Nation

"All Bette's stories have happy endings. That's because she knows where to stop. She's realized the real problem with stories-- if you keep them going long enough, they always end in death."
~ The Sandman: Preludes & Nocturnes

"The road now stretched across open country, and it occurred to me - not by way of protest, not as a symbol, or anything like that, but merely as a novel experience - that since I had disregarded all laws of humanity, I might as well disregard the rules of traffic. So I crossed to the left side of the highway and checked the feeling, and the feeling was good. It was a pleasant diaphragmal melting, with elements of diffused tactility, all this enhanced by the thought that nothing could be nearer to the elimination of basic physical laws than deliberately driving on the wrong site of the road."
~ Vladimir Nabokov, Lolita

"It is easier to forgive an enemy than to forgive a friend."
~ William Blake
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The Truth
Monday, November 29, 2010
The Truth

I heard from my friend, who would never lie,
(Cross my heart and hope to die!)
That if you don't dry off after being in the rain,
The water will soak into your brain!
And it's really bad if your brain gets wet
Because... um... well I don't know yet
BUT she also said (and I swear this is true!)
That when you dance without ballet shoes
Then the bones will come out of your toes
If you do a ballerina pose!
She's always told me the truth before
Except for once or twice or maybe more...

So Mom, I don't want to take a bath,
Or learn how to dance,
Because look what could happen!
Why take the chance?


I had to write a piece of children's literature for class, so I chose to do a poem.

These are, for the most part, things I adamantly believed when I was younger. (I had to change a few details for the rhymes/structure)

I'm not sure why I believed that water would soak into my brain if I went to bed with wet hair, or that the bones would come out of my feet if I went on tippy toes without ballet shoes, but I was a pretty gullible kid. Probably doesn't help that I was raised with the mindset that you don't REALLY need evidence in order to have faith in something. -Cough cough religion cough cough-

But yeah, the moral is: Proof or it didn't happen.

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Minute experiments in baking
Friday, November 26, 2010
"Minute" as in small, not as in the measurement of time. Mine-oot.

On Tuesday, Angie and I baked cookies. I didn't have much white flour, so we split up the rest of ingredients and made a half batch of normal (but with turbinado sugar replacing white) and a half batch of gluten-free flour cookies (again with turbinado sugar instead of white).

I think I've shown pictures of my chocolate cookies before, but they usually don't look all chunky and lumpy. For some reason the normal batch turned out that way, though.

I'm thinking it was the turbinado. They also tasted kinda like a cross between brownies/cake/cookies. It was interesting.

The gluten-free ones came out completely normal looking, and didn't have any noticeable taste differences. Curious and curiouser!

Also, for Thanksgiving we had leftover pumpkin pie filling, so I tried making mini pies in our muffin top pans. They actually came out really well, although I probably should have portioned out the dough a little more evenly. X|

They were really fast to whip up, since I found a pie dough recipe that takes about ten minutes.

Otherwise, Thanksgiving was okay. Better than last year, when I felt too crappy to go out by myself and was getting by on one loaf of bread and a jar of chunky peanut butter for five days. :| I think it's going to be hard to have a Thanksgiving worse than that unless my house burns down, all my relatives die, and I'm left homeless and penniless.

Today I went Black Friday shopping with Angie. I actually got stuff for once. Body Shop niceties and new underwear. I am justifying this by saying you can never have enough underwear. D:

Anyway, that's all.

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The color of love
Monday, November 22, 2010
I asked some of my friends:

If love were a color, what do you think it would be?

and then

What's your reasoning? Or is it just a feeling?

And they gave me these answers:

Angie: White. "White gives off all the other colors."

Kyle: Blue. "I picked blue becauce it's the color of the pump I'm priming."

Varsha: Red or purple. "Well, love can be fiery/passionate (red) and it can be undescribable (purple)."

Tiffany: Blue. Partially a feeling, and also "blue is the color that I feel that depending on the shade of blue is what mood it makes it."

Joey: Blue. "Black technically isn't a color, and blue is the closest hue." If he could choose black though... "Because it's perfectly balanced when put up against other colors. It doesn't change hue, regardless of light."

Lucy: Warm colors, like reds, pinks, yellows. Somewhat a feeling. "I imagine like, blurred vision and swirly colors when it comes to love. It's comfortable."

What do the good people of Nutang have to say on the matter?


This is my new favorite site: CLICKIES

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Jinxed it
Saturday, November 20, 2010
Well, I didn't remember my dream today (but I know I had one), so I guess I broke my streak. Dangit. X|

It's raining like the dickens.... I think that might be related to this mysterious case of bedhead I have right now. I mean, I guess it's not technically bedhead if it didn't come from a bed, but I certainly LOOK like I just woke up (in the good way).

Or maybe I have self-tousling hair! :0

I don't even know. Man, I'm sleepy.

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(How often does THAT happen?)
Friday, November 19, 2010
This "remembering at least part of my dream from the previous night" thing continues, as it has for awhile now. I like it, although I do wonder if it's affecting my ability to recall each individual dream. Without as long of a break in between new dreams, I don't think about each one quite as much and it doesn't get as committed to memory.

I was about to give up on the shampoo bars, because it didn't seem like they kept my hair clean enough, but I think I was just not using the ones that were good for my hair type. I tried the Chamomile & Citrus sample bar yesterday, and my hair is still clean right now (yay). I've also heard good things about Cafe Moreno, but I didn't get a sample of that, so maybe another time. Here's a link to the shampoo bar page, in case anybody is interested and doesn't feel like going through my old entries to find the last time I linked Chagrin Valley: CLICKIES

Yesterday Alice and I were discussing my future. She thinks that my future fianc�, who will be the heir to a hover car company but who won't want to run it because he doesn't like cars, is lame. I personally think that if he wants to run a bakery that uses organic local ingredients, then good for him because I find that admirable. But noooooo, Alice was like, "he has no ambition!" Psh, enough ambition for me. As long as we're not horrifyingly poor and can afford a nice thing now and then (and send our kids to college), it's all good.

Something that was in my dream last night:

I wanted to drink something, so I grabbed one of the giant leaves on stalks in this white bucket. The idea was that I would pour the liquid down the leaf and into my mouth, I guess. Unfortunately the one I got wasn't clean. It was dusty and had these huge bugs on it. (The leaves were about two feet long, so think about how big the bugs would have been) I got grossed out, but whoever was in the room with me at the time said they were just fireflies and it wasn't a big deal. (For the record, they looked like really huge cockroaches with some exotic design on their backs)

There was a lot more of the dream, but I don't remember all the connecting details...

Yesterday I just had a mix of confusing snapshots:
"Talking beaver chasing us... it had a dam with hardwood floors"
"We stapled a frog to a tree. It was wearing pants."
"Everyone said I was lucky because I had Monopoly money Microsoft stocks and they were worth millions of dollars."

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I remember now
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
I was in a Target, looking at dresses, and I'd picked a red one and a green one out to try on. The store blacked out for awhile, and I had to feel my way through the racks. When I went to the fitting room it turned out to be an enormous filthy public restroom, with the stalls rising only about three and a half feet. I was trying to decide which stall was cleanest when my mom told me that we were staying at my cousin's house.

My cousin's house was apparently a quarry of some sort. A large rectangular hole in the ground, with a single dirt pathway leading down. I sat on my sleeping bag and watched my cousin and her mother fight, and people came and went and I did nothing but look. I'm not sure what happened then.

After that I was in a girl's house. I guess she was my friend. She was taking care of a baby for someone she knew, and she told me I could go look. The baby was lying on the carpet under a table. I picked it put and held it against my bare chest, since I apparently had no shirt. It looked at me. I asked how old it was, and she said "98 months."

That didn't seem right. I stared at her in shock, thinking that this baby was over three years old. (I never have very good math skills in my dreams) I carried him over to my couch and sat down with him on my lap, confused. We discussed his destiny.

Many creatures were going to get some sort of special disease or curse/calling, and he was going to get it as well and murder us all, or lead the creatures to. Either way, it wasn't looking good.

When she finished telling me the story I looked down. The baby had grown into a teenager, who grinned at me. He looked the same age as me, but I said he looked at least fourteen. (I am not sure what it is about numbers but they are rarely correct when I'm dreaming) I remembered that I'd just had the baby's head against my bare bosom not long ago and felt slightly embarrassed.

Then I was seeing the seaside cave where the disease and/or magical happening was taking place, and I was thinking of how we would be killed. I thought about the no-longer-baby and how he grinned at me. It was the kind of grin that says "we've got a secret, you and me."

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Wasn't that long ago
Sunday, November 14, 2010
I don't actually like this song so much, but I like what it's about.

I was thinking about The Simpsons Movie. You guys remember that, right? If you've seen it you'll know what I'm talking about. If not...


That part where Homer has his epiphany about not caring about other people because he doesn't care about himself?


It seems relevant, although in this case I don't know if it's really an "epiphany" per se. More like something that just doesn't get paid a lot of attention.

I am starting to realize I find it despicable when people aren't willing to improve themselves. Not in terms of losing weight or anything physical, but just personality characteristics. If you can control anything, you should be able to control that, even if it takes time.

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The bad choice
Friday, November 12, 2010
I'm holding back too much, I think.

Damn my sensitivities. Or is it niceness? I just can't kick someone when they're down unless they're my brother.


I'm starting to feel like I need to compile some sort of list of qualities I want in my next boyfriend. In reality, the next guy I date will probably be generally unattractive to me but okay looking otherwise, and I will probably be able to do better than him. I'm guessing two bad relationships isn't the magical number I need to learn. If there's one thing that fairy tales taught me besides sexism and passivity, it's that three is the most important number in the history of everything ever.

So yeah, one more bad relationship and then maybe I'll start looking for someone who seems like they'd sing along to Beatles songs with me or something. If he doesn't know that many Beatles songs we can sing along to Hot Chocolate's "I Believe in Miracles". It's all cool as long as we don't drag out anything from the opera.

And maybe we'll get bored and decide to bake something but forget to add salt, so it tastes weird, but it'll be okay because we had fun together and that's what really matters.


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