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Memores acti prudentes futuri

You're unsure if I am a loose end or a strand
that waits for you to mend or understand
A few words
"When we describe the Moon as dead, we are describing the deadness in ourselves. When we find space so hideously void, we are describing our own unbearable emptiness."
~ D.H. Lawrence

"Is the meaning of life defined by its duration? Or does life have a purpose so large that it doesn't have to be prolonged at any cost to preserve its meaning?"

"Living is not good, but living well. The wise man, therefore, lives as well as he should, not as long as he can... He will always think of life in terms of quality not quantity... Dying early or late is of no relevance, dying well or ill is... even if it is true that while there is life there is hope, life is not to be bought at any cost."
~ Seneca

"People will tell you nothing matters, the whole world's about to end soon anyway. Those people are looking at life the wrong way. I mean, things don't need to last forever to be perfect."
~ Daydream Nation

"All Bette's stories have happy endings. That's because she knows where to stop. She's realized the real problem with stories-- if you keep them going long enough, they always end in death."
~ The Sandman: Preludes & Nocturnes

"The road now stretched across open country, and it occurred to me - not by way of protest, not as a symbol, or anything like that, but merely as a novel experience - that since I had disregarded all laws of humanity, I might as well disregard the rules of traffic. So I crossed to the left side of the highway and checked the feeling, and the feeling was good. It was a pleasant diaphragmal melting, with elements of diffused tactility, all this enhanced by the thought that nothing could be nearer to the elimination of basic physical laws than deliberately driving on the wrong site of the road."
~ Vladimir Nabokov, Lolita

"It is easier to forgive an enemy than to forgive a friend."
~ William Blake
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Friday, February 11, 2011

I think I had a dream with Muffy in it? Most of it I can't remember, but there was a part where a companion and I were sitting at a large, low round table, taking a test. The table was white and we sat in small blue plastic school chairs, the kind used for little kids. We were in a brightly lit empty warehouse with corrugated iron walls a high ceiling. Some steel barrels were stacked sideways against one of the walls, and they were high enough that one could feasibly reach the big windows near the ceiling if perched atop them.

There were a couple other tables in the room. Like ours, they were round and white, and situated on smooth blue mats. Young people all dressed in white were quietly taking their tests on them.

It was a driving test, and I didn't know what to put down. That didn't bother me, though. I just looked around with mild curiosity at my fellow test takers, then across the table at the only people in the room who weren't wearing white.

Morpheus and Neo/Muffy were sitting there, pretending to take the test. I knew that they had a plot to blow up the building and escape, and I planned to follow them so I wouldn't be stuck here.

Anyway, they set a big fire and I climbed up the barrels and jumped out the window, and who knows what happens next because I totally woke up then. OH HOW EXCITING.


This morning as I was biking to school I looked down and noticed a black spider hanging from a strand of silk attached to my handlebars. The wind was blowing it right at me.

I freaked out, screamed, and sort of crashed/toppled my bike in the street as I tried frantically to escape it. The fall broke part of my right pedal, but not to the extent where it's unusable or an inconvenience. I also skidded a tiny bit across the pavement, but I only scraped my fingertips, so no real damage was done. (I don't count a chipped nail as damage)

Not sure what happened to that spider, but I hope it suffered or suffers a miserable death.

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Where idle thoughts wander...
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
Here I am, biking along, mildly insulated from the world around me by the music playing in my ears.

Oh hey, there's that tree that hangs over the road low enough that I have to move closer to the middle of the street so I don't get scratched up.

Ah, but I'm wearing goggles, so it can't stab at my eyes.

Hm, but what if the tree wasn't an inanimate object and grabbed me if I got too close, and pulled off my goggles and gouged out my eyes and tore up my face with its pointiest twigs?

Evil tree.


Yesterday I went to a city meeting about a cement plant and ended up catching a ride back to school with one of my classmates (I carpooled there, but the driver wanted to stay for the whole meeting, which could've been who knows how long). Apparently he went to Cal Poly for three and a half years, then decided he didn't like his major and left. My reaction was something along the lines of "wow, what?" Makes me feel better about my school situation though, I have to admit.

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Pleasantly un-awkward
Sunday, February 6, 2011
So... yesterday (Saturday) I met up with a guy from OKC.

Just looked at the calendar, and wow, we talked for less than two weeks before meeting up. X|

It wasn't a date, just to clarify. I made sure that we both knew it was totally platonic, and we each brought a friend.

We met up at an Ethiopian restaurant (I can NEVER get enough of their lentils!) and had to wait a ridiculously long time for service. I felt bad, since I suggested the place, but everyone told me not to worry and that it was okay. Luckily, they seemed to enjoy the food, so that made me feel a bit better.

Alice and his friend dominated the conversation a bit, but I did chip in, and it wasn't at all awkward like I was terrified it would be.

After dinner we went to Pinkberry and everyone but me got frozen yogurt, but we didn't want to sit in there, so we moved to Chipotle and grabbed one of their tables... without buying anything. :0 Yeah, I'm surprised the FBI isn't after us right now, too. I think I talked a lot more there, because the conversation sort of got split between me and the guy and Alice and his friend. Later, on AIM, he told me that he hadn't talked much there because he was sleepy from the food, but that I didn't bore him or anything, so that was reassuring...

But yeah, it went well, so we might meet up again in the future! I did end up telling my mom about it, so I'm kind of afraid she's got the wrong impression of what's going on, but that's not a big deal. This time I can pretty much guarantee that this will not culminate in dating.

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The card
Friday, February 4, 2011
Here's the card I made for my mom for her birthday:

I feel like people are more impressed with this than they should be. Mr. Peanut is not a very hard character to draw.

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Wednesday, February 2, 2011
I've been seeing a guy around school with a sign that says "HAVE A NICE DAY".

It makes me wonder how people react to it. Do they think it's nice, or do they dismiss it as something dumb? The sort of people I went to high school with probably fall more into the latter category.

I had a dream in which DC had become quite unattractive, which was weird. In it I saw him go over to his girlfriend, who was also very unattractive, and they embraced. Not sure what that would mean, if anything.

For my mom's birthday I drew up a card, so I plan on sharing that here at some point. Everyone was rather impressed with it, for whatever reason.

I'm so glad that it's Wednesday and I don't have a night class. Yesterday in my Greek Achievement class we went on a scavenger hunt, which was fun, but I'm so tired today I don't think I could process any information that was thrown at me. :|

Blah, I want to sleep for forever and a half...

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Hey Zanzibar
Monday, January 31, 2011
I had a dream that you were in.

You were telling a story about how you were driving through the woods in Autumn and several black students were burning books in the middle of the road. One of them came over and asked you if you had heard of the Transient Bible, and you smiled and nodded politely, then he got very excited and began to tell you about Transient Christianity.

For some reason, in Transient Christianity it was important to burn Transient Bibles, and they were doing it in the middle of the road so that nobody could ignore them.

Their tactic didn't work however, because you just went off road and drove around them.


There was more to this dream but I have to get ready for school so that will have to wait.

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Sleep sleep sleep
Friday, January 28, 2011
I had a rather disturbing dream last night, in some senses. When I woke up I felt rather uncomfortable.

Not going to detail it here...

At school the other day I saw a girl with one of those Nike shirts that says "JUST DO IT." It made me wonder how many people would get pissed off/offended if you had a shirt that said that and had a picture of a noose next to it.

Here are some pictures I took with my cell phone over the last couple months...

I didn't think the book this was in was that funny, but this one picture was pretty good.

A sign in the bathroom at the Bazaar Bizarre.

This time the Whole Foods people didn't catch me taking pictures!

Something on the posting board at school.

This is similar to the "random acts of kindness" idea we learned about in Understanding/Managing Stress...

I woke up three hours ago but I want to go back to sleep already... :|

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The obvious
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
Although I was sick, my day went quite well, I must say.

Poetry: got my paper back with the comment "Wonderful. Do you write stories? You definitely should" on it.

+ :)

Walked to Trader Joe's after class and met up with my mom. We got extra strength ginger brew and peach mango gel cups, then drove home (more than halving my walk home).

+ :)

At home I drank one of the sodas and played Emperor: Rise of the Middle Kingdom (the one I've been trying to find for years... it WAS in my brother's room!) for about an hour.

+ :)

My mom drove me back to school, where I sat in Psych for about an hour and ten minutes. (The class is supposed to be 1 hr 45 min but he always lets us out early...)


Wandered around in the 45 minutes between classes and passed a cute-ish Greenpeace guy who tried to talk to me about the organization. I wasn't feeling good/paying full attention so I smiled nervously and didn't respond. After I got away I felt bad because I actually kind of am interested in Greenpeace, but it felt too awkward to go back.

+ :/

Sat in the Environmental Studies/Science building and ate a gross energy bar, then moved to another spot and ate a Cool Mint Clif Bar, which wasn't gross. Also chatted with some classmates who were there early as well.

+ :)

Environmental Studies class... We got put into groups and did a small presentation, then talked about... something... and then picked out newspaper articles and worked with one or two people to put together another short presentation. My group liked one of my ideas and we decided to use it. My other group members said they were glad I was there. We also had a lot of fun discussing our topic (how the food you eat causes pollution), so much so that we talked through our break and used all the extra time she gave us to keep going. Our presentation was probably the most interesting in the class because we did a little skit of sorts, whereas everyone else just displayed concept maps and talked about them

+ :)

After class one of my classmates came over and asked me what my major is, and when I said English, he told me I must take a lot of public speaking classes. I laughed and said no, and he said I did very well in the presentation and must be very creative. I was very flattered, even if I did think he was making something of a big deal out of it.

+ :D

My parents picked me up and brought me back home, and I played Emperor for another few hours. (I will probably lose interest in it soon enough, and come back from the realm of obsessive game playing)

+ :)

So let's tally this up...

:) - 6
:| - 1
:/ - 1
:D - 1

Looks like a good day to me!

It feels really good to be appreciated... This sounds kinda depressing but I think it happens infrequently enough to me that I feel really surprised when people don't shoot me down or ignore me. That isn't to say I think no one appreciates me; Alice and my mom tell me they care, and I still get a stray compliment here and there on my hair or something I've done, but it's... not the same. I don't want to say that counts for less, but it's just... expected by now, I guess. It feels different when it's a surprise.


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