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undecided
Are you haunting me?
Wednesday. 10.15.08 3:08 am
I have more dreams of things I've done in the past. Nothing criminal or against the law, just the sport and the people. It wasn't that long ago that I dreamt about being able to do things that I could not do in the past. I dreamt about it again last night. It has a nice feeling of being acomplished yet I wonder why am I dreaming about it, after all these years, now? I never regretted giving up. I feel better even after giving up since I had no future in the sport anyway. The coach gave my chance to someone else whom she thought is more worthy whilst I get higher marks in competitions than her.

I wonder if these dreams of the past has anything to do with my recent contacts with people whom I've never seen for a couple of years. People who popped up in my other blog just to say "hi". There is this... friend? I never really got angry at her for doing what she did to me. I never found out why she did it nor why I didn't hate her for all my life. The funny thing is that I could even defend her when she was under attack by cowards who dare not even to use their real names when they were calling her a bitch, hypocrite and backstabber on her cbox. I don't know why I could still be nice towards her.. What is it that she has that I don't yet I want? Or is it the symphaty which is causing me to be so nice to her?

I'm astonished by the things I do and the dreams I dream sometimes..

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undecided
Wednesday. 10.1.08 6:16 am
I’m bored, I need my fix, need to try harder in pushing unpleasant thoughts away, need to try to finish my assignments as I planned to, need to stop thinking.

I’m having nightmares since I’m home. Unpleasant things are popping up in my dreams; it is like experiencing them when I’m awake is not bad enough. Go away! How I wish some people would stop blaming me for their own defects, as if I’m the cause if their faults. Not my fault! You don’t even realise that you’re being cheated and you refuse to listen to others. Awesome isn’t it?

Thanks for ruining my holiday so far, I will lock myself in my room, appear offline to those on my MSN messenger, and force myself to finish my assignments. I will be blind to whatever you do, I no longer will care, no longer will say anything. Stay out of my business if you want me to stay out of yours.

Allow me to continue brooding on my own, laugh like a maniac on my own, talk to myself on my own and seem like some crazy person.

Now that I've finished this post... I'm feeling deja vu... did I do this before? I might after all, I need to start filling this blog with more happier post. I am sick of being miserable because of the people around me.

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cont.
Sunday. 9.28.08 9:08 pm
It is unbelievable how some people love to ruin my days! Seriously, SELFISH FUCKER!! You just HAVE to hog everything don’t you? THE BEST THINGS AROUND, YOU MUST HAVE IT NEAR YOU MOST OF THE TIME! The most ridiculous thing is that those things DO NOT BELONG to you at all. When others are not as good as you are in using it, you CRITICISE! You have no bloody CONSIDERATIONS for everyone else! Every single time you are reprimanded for some truth I state, I have to put up with you temper yet I have to save your fucking ass all the time! I know you will read this and I don’t care!

When YOU take those things, it is not as if you will FOLLOW other’s plans made. NO NO NO, you fucking plans are fucking more important. Yes you fucking plans to lick pussy! Everyone else’s plans are NOT as good as that. You always make yourself the priority, ALWAYS have to act as if you god damn great! Guess what? I know I will need to see your CIBAI face for the next week or next month but I don’t care! SO WHAT IF PEOPLE CAN KNOW WHAT IS HAPPENING THROUGH MY BLOGS? BETTER THAN SOMEONE WHOM ACTION IS SO PREDICTABLE!

next time you are in a stitch, find your pussy, pussy! Not me, I aint helping you!

GP GP GP GP GP GP GP GP GP GP GP GP GP GP GP GP GGGGGGGGGGGGGPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Freak
Saturday. 9.27.08 8:05 am
Everyone has the right to be different, to be unique, and to be themselves.

We are born with different attributes and personalities. Who we are today is heavily influenced by our environment and past experiences. We have our own tastes and preferences although most people are similar to others in a way. You absolutely CANNOT, call another a freak just because they differ from you in a way.

If you insist on calling someone a freak, everyone else has to be called a freak too! Yes, even your previous other half has to be called so because there has to be things that they like but others do not. I could easily call you a freak if I want to because there are definitely obvious differences between the two of us. So, be fair, and call yourself a freak the next time you call someone else a freak.

There are reasons why they prefer some things although most of the time they can’t explain why. If you want to call someone who prefers listening to Japanese songs because they are less revolving about love, sex and anger towards something or because they are finding for a happy tune which they can put as a ringtone when their friend calls then I would say that homosexuals, guys who like older women, people who makes the world a better place, environmentalists, literally everyone else, are freaks too to you.

A freak calling others a freak isn’t amusing at all.

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Wonder
Monday. 9.15.08 4:34 am
I can't help but start wondering how long this situation will last.

I hope it won't last too long because it is hard.

I wonder why this thing always happens, it is as if I am destined to never be able to enjoy life.

I'm surrounded by people who are enjoying life so much (or so it seems) that I get so envious of them.

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Clueless.
Wednesday. 9.10.08 12:24 pm
Some people have to know when to shut up. When you are unable to do so, you’re going to be the biggest jerk around.

Seriously, don’t keep on pressing a subject that has passed and please put yourself into other people’s shoes before you keep holding on to an argument and risk irritating people around you.

Being more considerate does make you a better and more likable person.

The world doesn’t revolve around you, you know.

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