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WHAT'S MY F***IN' NAME??

Someones_Muse
Age. 36
Gender. Female
Ethnicity. A European Medley!
Location Radomyshl, Ukraine
School. Seattle Pacific Univ
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Ohellno! This. Can't. Wait. Help me!

Wednesday. 9.19.07 2:27 am

So today, I got a little pang of nostalgia and decided to search ex-fiance's name in Facebook and Myspace. I knew he had neither, as I did this about a billion times after we broke up (and for months thereafter), but it had comforted me to see his sisters appear in the list of results. I've been desperate for news, you see, since he got shipped out to Iraq.

Well, today my world got ROCKED. Ex-fiance does, in fact, have a Myspace now. Not only that, but he is back from Iraq, has a new girlfriend, and didn't bother to TELL ME ANY OF THIS!!

I mean, I guess I have no real reason to be upset, since we've been broken-up over a year. I just hoped that when he came back, we might try and pick up where we left off, or at least, I hoped he would call me and let me know he made it back ok.

Damnit, what do I do? Anything?

As I see it, my options are to be agressive (try calling his old cell #, message him on Myspace) or passive (add him as a Myspace friend and see what happens, do nothing at all).

Help me, PLEASE!! This isn't really something I can talk about with BFF right now, or any of my "real world" friends right now. It's too raw. What the hell do I do???

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Eighty-five hours and counting

Tuesday. 9.19.07 10:00 pm

... until I can move into my new apartment!

23 hours until I am done working for the term.

35 hours until my Grandma and I go back-to-school shopping.

130 hours until my first class starts.

135 hours since I last heard from Matt. :(

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Blue Monday

Monday. 9.17.07 12:00 pm

One week before classes start and I can hardly drag myself out of bed. It’s one of those wet, grey, suicide-inducing mornings here in Western Washington, so I decided not to go to Office Job. I have nothing to do there anyway, and I doubt they’ll miss me. Even if they do, I can do no wrong in my bosses’ eyes. I just need five minutes to get my shit together.

Actually, I was able to get some of my shit together last night. I finally did the make-up work I’d been putting off since June, and started my résumé. Now the only things I have to do before I move back to school are:

Finish Résumé
Pack
Kiss Jailbait Goodbye

Just kidding on the last one. Maybe. We’ve solved our differences, to say the least.

Anyway, I think I’ll use my impromptu day off to do #2, and maybe hang out with BFF.

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I got in a fight with Jailbait again...

Friday. 9.14.07 12:44 am

Is this what we're destined for? Damn. And just when I was starting to like him.

Anyway, he used a certain anti-female slur starting with the letter "c" that I have never appreciated, and when I asked him not to use it again, he thought it was funny to keep repeating it. What a jerk.

I admit, I went a little crazy... to the tune of beating him with a flip-flop and insulting his mother. Eventually, I just had to leave the break room and go vent to my supervisor.

He apologized, and I apologized too, and now we're better, but I really don't think I can look at him the same way.

What kind of person do you have to be to think that's ok?

^{Probably the same sort of person who assaults others with footwear...} ::cough::

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I blame the endocrine system.

Wednesday. 9.12.07 3:58 am

I got in a fight with Jailbait yesterday at work.

You see, he wants to be a Marine, and I think that's the dumbest idea ever. I don't believe that anyone with anything good to offer the world (which is everyone), should ever join any branch of the military. Ever. Is that absolute enough? I hate absolutes.

It's not like I'm coming out of nowhere, either. Five of my close relatives are veterans of foreign wars. Two of my cousins have gone to Iraq. One has gone to Afghanistan. All three of them are still in active duty, as is my ex-fiance.

Then there's my dad. My dad works for Veteran's Administration in the psych ward of their hospital in Seattle.

I know the military. It isn't patriotic, it isn't brave, it isn't honorable. The fine men and women that enlist were all those things to begin with.

They were also naive.

When you join the military, your life is no longer your own. You sell yourself out, and "The Man" has you on a choke chain for a minimum of two years. Not to mention the time it will take to establish a real life when you're done.

Think there won't be a war? Think your unit won't be deployed? Think you're coming home in five months? Think you'll be the big hero? You're wrong on four counts. It's not like the movies.

The suits can switch it up on you whenever they feel like it, and you can't fight it. You'll be ripped away from everyone you love, and there's a chance you won't come back.

Even if you do come back, you won't be the same.

Needless to say, I don't think Jailbait likes me anymore. Tough shit. Someone's got to pull the kid's head out of his ass.

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Matt's Apartment

Tuesday. 9.11.07 1:24 am

Of all the things that happened over the weekend, I forgot to mention that I finally got to see Matt's new apartment!

It's tiny, it's old, and it's in a sketchy part of town, but it has the most gorgeous view of downtown.