So I figured out that when you get married the money you save is huge. Ok maybe not "huge", but it's the difference between a fixer-upper home and the new home I wanted to buy! I know! I know! I also found out that while you are charged a PMI (Psomething Mortgage Insurance) if you do not put 20% down that goes away as soon as you can get a...oh what's the word, you know when someone comes and looks at your house and tells you the value of it. Well anyways when you do that and if your loan is worth 80% or less of the house value if you fill out some paperwork (of course there's paperwork) it goes away! Also when you factor in the fact you can refinance your home loan to change the mortgage when you aren't putting 20% down it's just not worth putting down the money if it's not 20%. Since we can't do that we're going to pay off what I consider hard loans, our car and student loans. These are loans that once paid off won't be coming back...well maybe in a year or so we'll get him a Civic with a GPS system. (Lord knows he needs a good GPS system.) Since no matter what we say we'll always use our credit cards so it's stupid to say we just won't use them. I know we will so we might as well budget for it. The only thing I didn't budget for is my website since that's charged to my credit card. We owe much less on his car then I previously thought too!

Any ways, I'm very happy with the fact we can afford the house I wanted, without even a raise! While it's not the three bedrooms, well two bedrooms and den if you don't upgrade, it's still in a gated community and I love the drive. It's part of the "scenic" route I used to take when we lived in Madera. Also my mom's house is up for sale and so hopefully it will sell for what she wants or close to. It's zoned already for two houses and large enough for two houses so hopefully it will sell quickly since I was told it was priced very well. Hopefully if it sells nicely we'll be able to get enough to put some in savings!

My review should be towards the end of this week. It might be next week since it's very busy where I work right now. A lot of deadlines and things to do so I doubt telling me how crap I've done for the past year is on the top of their list. Well ok not quit crap, but for most of the year I was behind and they had to have people help me out. I'm a stressed out nervous wreck because I have no idea when the review will be coming. I just hope it's just with the President of the company and not with all of my bosses! Because of the stuff that's come up within the past few months I highly doubt I'll be getting a raise, even a small one.

I still can't really remember what I or my boss said, just that he said my e-mail was petty or I was being petty or something where in the end I was petty. That's about it. I've tried very hard to remember what he and I said, but at the time my main focus was to not start balling like a little baby in his office. I could see the disappointment in his face which really hurt and then I became physically ill, I spent a lot of time in the bathroom that day. I really like, respect, admire and look up to him so disappointing him is something I'll always feel bad about. I'm sure in a few months the meeting will come back to me, maybe, hopefully...we'll see. It may seem odd to most who read this, but to me there's nothing worse then disappointing people you respect and wish to have their respect and trust as well.

On Friday I spoke with the only co-worker I care deeply about who isn't a boss and explained the problem. Since my e-mail didn't explain why I was saying what I was it did sound bad to say it. She had been very busy and still is because of the deadlines so I wrote an e-mail even though I know she doesn't like them. I seriously should have gone with "plan b" and suggested a pot luck. What ended up happening was NOT on my "con" list when I was weighing the pros and cons for both things. She understands so I feel much better about it and I just hope whatever I said to my boss was close to what should have been said. Damn I wish I remembered the meeting...

I must say though when I told a co-worker of mine about our new policy on the phones and he made remarks about it I felt like laughing. Of all people he shouldn't be the one to say anything, talk about the pot calling the kettle black. I mean during lunch yesterday when he's supposed to help with the phone, but it's rare when he does because he's always making calls instead. I finally got fed up the other day and made a call myself. What got to me was that he was off the phone and when it rang while I was on the phone he didn't lift a finger! What the hell! It happened twice and both time he didn't even try to answer the call. He knew I was on the phone since I sit in the cubical next to him. It's not like we're in offices and can't hear each other. Oh well, it's something I have grown pretty much used to. While I call the phone policy new, I was actually told when I first was hired that if the phones rings 3-4 times others will pick up to help me. That they didn't like calls to be put on hold. After 2 weeks of that not happening I realized that was clearly wrong. When I mentioned it to two co-workers they laughed, one being the one who rarely picks up the phone. I guess the policy isn't really "new", just something not inforced for the past 3 years. hehehe

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