Friday. 4.7.06 9:09 am
my life slip away
Yes... the rumors are true... today is my birthday... I'm big , fat and old now... it's official.... *sigh* If you can't figure out how old i am... i ain't tellin'!!
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Funnies Part..5?..6? Ah Hell... I Forget...
Wednesday. 4.5.06 12:12 pm
Ok.. here's some more jokes for your amusement!!! Enjoy!!
Dick Cheney and George W. Bush were having breakfast at the White House. The attractive waitress asks Cheney what he would like, and he replies, "I'd like a bowl of oatmeal and some fruit."
"And what can I get for you, Mr. President?" George W. replies with his trademark wink and slight grin, "How about a quickie this morning?"
"Why, Mr. President!" the waitress exclaims. "How rude! You're starting to act like Mr. Clinton, and you've only been in your second term of office for a year! '' As the waitress storms away, Cheney leans over to Bush and whispers..."It's pronounced 'quiche'."
A Florida couple, Max and Flo, both well into their 80's, go to a sex
therapist's office. The doctor asks, "What can I do for you?"
Max says, "Will you watch us have sexual intercourse?"
The doctor raises both eyebrows, but he is so amazed that such an
elderly couple is asking for sexual advice that he agrees.
When the couple finishes, the doctor says, "There's absolutely nothing
wrong with the way you have intercourse." He thanks them for coming,
wishes them good luck, charges them $50 and says goodbye.
The next week, however, the couple returns and asks the sex therapist to
watch again. The sex therapist is a bit puzzled, but agrees.
This happens several weeks in a row. The couple makes an appointment,
has intercourse with no problems, pays the doctor, then leaves.
Finally, after five or six weeks of this routine, the doctor says, "I'm
sorry, but I have to ask. Just what are you trying to find out?"
Max says, "We're not trying to find out anything. She's married, and we
can't go to her house. I'm married, and we can't go to my house. The
Holiday Inn charges $98. The Hilton charges $139. We do it here for $50, and I get $43 back from Medicare."
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"Son, I'm a priest. Your language is uncalled for!"
"No, Father, that's what kind of fish it is - a Son of a Bitch fish!"
"Really? Well then, help me land this Son of a Bitch!"
Once in the boat, they marveled at the size of the monster.
"Father, that's the biggest Son of a Bitch I've ever seen."
"Yes, it is a big Son of a Bitch. What should I do with it?"
"Why, eat it of course. You've never tasted anything as good as Son of a Bitch!"
Elated, the priest headed home to the rectory. While unloading his gear and his prize catch, Sister Mary inquired about his trip.
"Take a look at this big Son of a Bitch I caught!"
Sister Mary gasped and clutched her rosary, "Father!"
"It's OK, Sister. That's what kind of fish it is - a Son of a Bitch fish!"
"Oh, well then, what are you going to do with that big Son of a Bitch?"
Sister Mary informed the priest that the new Bishop was scheduled to visit in a few days and that they should fix the Son of a Bitch for his dinner.
"I'll even clean the Son of a Bitch", she said.
As she was cleaning the huge fish, the Friar walked in.
"What are you doing Sister?"
"Father wants me to clean this big Son of a Bitch for the new Bishop's dinner."
"Sister! I'll clean it if you're so upset! Please watch your language!"
"No, no, no, it's called a Son of a Bitch fish."
Really? Well, in that case, I'll fix up a great meal to go with it, and that Son of a Bitch can be the main course! Let me know when you've finished cleaning that Son of a Bitch."
On the night of the new Bishop's visit, everything was perfect. The Friar had prepared an excellent meal. The wine was fine, and the fish was excellent. The new Bishop said, "This is great fish, where did you get it?"
"I caught that Son of a Bitch!" proclaimed the proud priest.
"And I cleaned the Son of a Bitch!" exclaimed the Sister.
The Friar added, "And I prepared the Son of a Bitch, using a special recipe!"
The new Bishop looked around at each of them. A big smile crept across his face as he said, "You fuckers are my kind of people!"
For centuries, Hindu women have worn a spot on their foreheads. We have always naively thought that it had something to do with their religion.The true story has recently been revealed by the Indian Embassy in Washington, D.C.
When one of these women gets married, she brings with her, a
dowry. On her wedding night, the husband scratches off the spot to see
if he has won either a convenience store, a gas station, a donut shop, or a
motel in the United States.
Just thought you would like to know
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