You'll know more than all of my "close friends"
Tuesday. 3.7.06 11:57 pm
Tuesday. 3.7.06 11:00 am
My days don't feel right. I feel like every other day isn't what it's supposed to be. You know how you just know when it's a friday? I feel like all my week has been endless mondays and tuesdays.
Sometimes I feel like I've given up on school. I know I can't, but I just haven't been trying my best. I feel like I've just reached to the bottom and no matter how hard I try to get back to the top, there's just no use because it's too late. So basically, I just want this semester to end so I can start over. I don't even know what I want to do in the future. I'm not in any hurry to get all my classes over with.
I've been isolating
myself lately. Ever since the weekend I've been a bit irritable
. I haven't talked to anyone outside of my house in a while. Sometimes I feel it's for the best.
Work on the other hand has gotten be busy. Yeah the whole earning money is cool, but the fact that I'm full-time
at work AND school.. it's HARD. Basically that's one of my main reasons why school hasn't been my main focus lately when it really should be.
On Saturday I was supposed to go hang out with my friends after work. We made plans during my break and whatnot and they were supposed to wait till I got out so we could do something. I was pretty stoked
. It's always cool to be with your friends, but as soon as I was leaving work I get a call and all the talk and quick planning basically went to nothing. I guess you could say I was disappointed. I mean after a somewhat long day at work, going out with friends seems to be such a great idea, but then they just wanted to stay at a friend's house and watch a movie.. or they were already watching a movie. So what did I decide to do? Go home. I mean if there's no point in going out anymore and all I'm going to do is sit at someone's house.. of course I'd rather do it in my own home. The fact that I was already irritated, I didn't want to be around them. I knew I shouldn't make a big deal out of it because it's not a big deal, but then again.. it just sucks
when things don't go the way it's planned. I guess I've just been holding that in, but whatever. It's not cool getting your hopes up for nothing
just don't cut it
Anyway, I'm tired of being in bad moods. I feel like I have emotional instability
. The blog after this will explain why. I don't want to post it to the public, I don't want people to feel sorry for me. Oh well fuck, it's better not caring
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