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lucid dreams
Monday. 8.24.09 6:34 pm
I'm currently in the progress of working my way towards lucid dreaming. I remember at least one lucid dream that I had when I was younger. It was pretty fun. I knew I was dreaming and instead of my conscious self trying to wake me, I was able to control what I did in the dream.

Apparently lucid dreaming helps with nightmares. It doesn't stop them from happening, but it helps you realize that you're just dreaming and gives you the ability to wake up from it before you get startled awake.

I don't have nightmares often, but definitely more often than a 22 year old should.

I've only been working towards it for a few days, but in keeping a dream log, I'm already remembering my dreams a little easier. Rather than simply forgetting them as soon as I wake up. Or only remembering one per night as opposed to two or three. I can keep track of more than one.

It's still not even close to perfect. I can't remember every one yet. I don't even think people who have been doing it for years can remember every single dream they have. Even if they can lucid dream.

Anywho, my job is beginning to really piss me off. It's getting on everyone's nerves. At least the people who have been there for more than a few months. The people who knew and remember a different time. Mainly a time when things weren't going to shit.

I wanted to talk about Jacob, but I guess I don't really have much different to say than I did last time. Not much has changed in that department.

Alright, I suppose that's it.

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the plan for the day ...
Saturday. 8.22.09 5:54 pm
... has gone well so far. I planned on staying in my apartment the whole day. I wasn't feeling well when I woke up, so that's pretty much what made the decision. I'm feeling better now, but I still don't plan on leaving to go anywhere. Honestly, there really is nowhere to go. Especially when you only have $11 in your bank account until payday {which is this Friday.}

I cooked some more food today. I only have enough for two containers/days of left overs. I also had a bowl today. I fixed up mac and cheese with beef and corn. It was tasty stuff. Simple yet tasty.

I'm supposed to be going out tomorrow to play pool. It'll be a change up from the usual bowling {which I did last night, instead.}

I also saw District 9 last night. It was good. I'm not going to say amazing because it started out a little slow; they took their time actually getting into the movie, but it was worth going to see. I'd recommend it.

It's kind of funny listening to foreign people curse. Only because we're not used to their accents.

Alright, I suppose that's about all I've got for today. Hopefully pool goes well tomorrow. I haven't played in almost 4 years.

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making my daily rounds
Thursday. 8.20.09 4:39 pm
Wow, about all I have to say is that I'm bored. I've been bouncing back and forth between here, youtube, myspace and facebook. In pretty much that order.

I have no plans for this weekend. I don't think I'll be out driving around quite as much. I still plan on getting out of my apartment though. If nothing more than to go bowling {which seems to be a weekend thing.} Sadly, even though I seem to go bowling at least once a week, I'm only getting slightly better. My game average went up from a 100 to a 110. Either way, I have fun. It'd still be nice to beat my all time high score of 151. I haven't even come close since that day.

In completely other news, I'm going to write about random stuff and I think I feel a mini rant coming on. So if you'd like to stop reading here, I won't mind.

I know that there are a few guys at work that have an attraction towards me. Most of them are drivers; at least that I'm aware of. Who knows how many more people actually feel the same way they do that I'm just completely unaware of. As of right now I'm aware of 9 guys that I see on a daily basis that are attracted to me. At least, they're the ones who are open about it. Who knows how many more feel that way, but don't say or act towards anything.

Some of them I'm comfortable talking more openly about things compared to the others. It's probably just the way I get along with those specific people. Only one person that I know if is slightly jealous and that's because he's friends with one of the people I'm more comfortable with talking to. I just don't feel the same way towards him. Oh well. He'll just have to get over himself.

I'm having some issues with not being able to be myself again. I have things I want to talk about and it's driving me crazy not being able to talk about them. To anyone. No one can know. And it's really starting to get to me. I can't act on certain things either because of the same reason. I've had to deal with this before and eventually it got to me too much.

I'm pretty sure I'd be able to talk to a professional about it without feeling like I'm saying too much, but unfortunately can't afford that right now. I'm going to look into it when I get insurance.

Maybe I'll write up a private entry with all of the things I need to get off my chest.

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moocher's anonymous
Wednesday. 8.19.09 4:49 pm
I am what they commonly call a "moocher." When I see someone eating something, I have a hard time not asking "can I please have some?"

I would also have to say that 7 out of 10 times, if I see someone eating something that looks good and I don't ask for some, I will go out at some point within a week and buy it for myself.


Today, I saw Franki eating chips. I tried really hard not to directly ask for some, but when I pointed them out to her, asking what kind they were, she was kind enough to offer me some.

Another example would be just this past Monday. Kim brought in baked beans, mac'n'cheese and some chicken. I now have macaroni and cheese and baked beans, cooked, in my fridge waiting to be eaten.

I've been that way for quite some time. Its just a horrible habit. There are times when I really want to ask, but I'll feel bad because I know I've asked these certain people before and I don't want them to feel like I'm taking advantage. Or I'll feel bad because I can't reciprocate.

Franki and I were joking about it today, saying that I should go to Moocher's Anonymous.

"Hi, my name is Cheryl. I'm a moocher."

The whole class would consist of telling mooching stories and being "sober" for however many days/weeks/months.

Some people I just won't ask. I'll want to. I'll be fighting the urge the whole time, but with these certain people, I'm just not close enough to them to feel comfortable mooching off them. It's still a fight having to resist.

I really need to work on these bad habits of mine.

Oh, on a side note ... why is it people only seem to ask how I'm doing when I don't actually feel well? Something always seems to be bothering me when people randomly ask how I'm doing. When I feel like nothing is bothering me and I don't have a whole lot to complain about, that's when no one asks how I'm doing. Maybe they can sense something is wrong? I don't know. Either way ... I almost feel obliged to wait to answer him until this thing goes away and I can answer him without complaining or lying saying that everything is peachy keen.

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goal reached and exceeded
Saturday. 8.15.09 8:02 pm
I filled up my gas tank on Friday before I went to work. Between the drive to work {from the casino, not from my home} and the driving I did after work I managed to use up a quarter of a tank of gas in just the one day.

The driving I did today I managed to use up another 1/8 of a tank so after driving tomorrow {since I appear to be done for the night} I'll have used up a full half a tank of gas.

It was some much needed driving though. Something I've needed to do for a while.

I've come to the sad realization that I text message way too much. When you get your cell phone bill and it's 36 pieces of paper, front and back {adding up to 72 pages total} and most of the pages consist of the texts sent and received ... you realize you spend far too much time texting. The monthly total for texts sent and received last month was 3555. That's more than an average of 100 per day.

What's even more sad than that? I won't stop doing it.

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going through withdrawls
Thursday. 8.13.09 3:05 pm
Due to a intense lack of current income, or an insane, sudden increase in bills, I am incredibly broke. I'm sure I've emphasized this a few times in the last however many blogs.

But due to that intense lack of monetary flow, I have only had enough gas in my car to get me to and from work for the last two weeks. I have thus been confined to my household ... except for last Saturday when my friend picked me up and we went bowling.

Now, you have to understand, I really enjoy driving. Sometimes I'd rather have someone else drive so I can sit back and relax, but for the most part, I'm fine driving around. I didn't actually start liking driving until about a week after I purchased my own vehicle.

Because of this enjoyment and my lack of being able to do so, I'm starting to really go out of my mind. I get paid tomorrow and I plan on filling up my tank and wasting at least a quarter of it by just driving around. I don't really care too much if I'm by myself or if I have someone with me, but if I have someone with me it'll at least give me a direction to head in and a destination.

I'm okay going without food. I'm okay turning off my AC for a little while. I'm alright even keeping lights off. I just need to be able to go out on the road and take off. Sometimes I'd rather be alone. It gives me time to clear my head or even time to think. Something I really don't need a specific time to do; my mind is already too busy doing that. I wish there were an on/off switch.

Tomorrow I'll be offering up my chauffeuring services to a couple people for the weekend. We'll see if I get any takers.

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