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My Unkymood Punkymood (Unkymoods)
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two days + two days + two days
Wednesday. 9.23.09 1:22 pm
There are two more days in the work week. I'm ready to be done working for the week, but I have to make it through 16 more hours of work. At least the days seem to be going by a little faster. Not much, though. I think it has something to do with the fact that one of the drivers makes two trips rather than just the one.

After that there are two days to the weekend. It needs to be more. Weekends are never long enough. Even when I'm having a shitty weekend, I very rarely ever actually want to go back to work. I may want the bad time to end quickly, but I hardly want the work week to start up again.

Two more days later is Jacob's surgery. I can't believe its only 6 days away. Which means my birthday is in 12 days. Craziness.

For some reason my jaw hurts right now. Whenever I open it all the way, like to yawn, or when I bite down on something it hurts. I don't know why. Hopefully it'll go away soon.

I've been spending a lot of time on Facebook lately. I still make it a point to come here regularly, though. I could never abandon NuTang. Even when I don't feel like blogging, I'm still here as a lurker.

It's starting to get just a slight cooler outside. It's really nice at night when I leave for work. Now if only that temperature stayed when the sun came up.

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rant {PWP, just in case; message for pw}
Monday. 9.21.09 4:59 pm
Be it extremely emotional, controversial, messed up, or whatever, this entry has been password protected.

If you know it, enter it; or, ask me for it.

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its gotten a hold of me again
Sunday. 9.20.09 6:51 pm
Depression, I mean. The same shit that's had me down for the last couple weeks. Everything seems to be moving at the speed of light or in slow motion. Whenever I want something to happen, it doesn't. Or it takes it's sweet time. Whenever I don't want it to happen, that's when it shows up BAM! right in my face.

I hate that I don't feel like I can control it. I know people will argue that it's all in your head and you have every way of controlling how you feel about something, but really? You don't always. I don't care what some people say, this depression is not always my choice. Getting randomly upset/angry/pissed/annoyed or bothered is not something where I'm like "okay, yeah. I think I'll be upset and cry right now." Or "oh hey, you've done absolutely nothing wrong, but I'm going to be pissed at you anyway." Yeah, not always my choice.

I've been cursing a lot more lately. I don't really know why. It seems every few words that come out of my mouth are foul or derogatory in some way. Surprisingly it's not something that everyone is able to pick up. Even after I pointed it out to a couple of my friends, they didn't notice until I said something after saying another curse word.

I'm at the stage again where I just want to hermit myself away from the cities. Away from people. The sad part is that I'd still take my phone with me. So apparently I don't want to be put into total seclusion. I'm pretty sure I could live without the computer for a while. But my phone? Its a sickness.

Who are you supposed to talk to about something when you have no one to talk to about it? I've already expressed how I feel about a certain situation to a few people and they're sick of hearing about it from me. So now I don't have anyone to talk to about it. Unless I feel like burdening someone else. I don't want to spread the depression. I'd rather just wallow in it ...

Blah. Enough depression for the night. I should be getting ready for bed, but I'm not tired.

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why am I awake?
Saturday. 9.19.09 1:42 am
Oh right. Because I wanted to be. I had just finished telling my friend that some nights I want to stay awake just for the hell of it, but I hardly get to do that simply for the fact that my body just won't let me.

Well, tonight it appears I'm getting my wish. I'm not even close to sleepy. Sure, I'm tired, but I'm always tired. It's like the latest fashion trend.

I know exactly what's wrong with me {in this specific instance} but I won't do anything to change it. Why? I don't know. Shit would be a lot easier on me if I did change, but I just won't. I'm not going to say I can't, but it's just as likely. {don't ask for details; this particular chunk is pretty much just for me}

I'm eating the hot pockets that I bought for work. I guess as long as I leave at least 5 in the box, then I should be okay for the weekend. I might even pull out 5 and put them aside so I'm not tempted to eat them.

I might end up going to bed just out of boredom. Either way ... sleep, decent sleep, is again unlikely this weekend.

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quick thoughts
Thursday. 9.17.09 6:07 pm
I'm debating whether to go to bed now or to wait another hour. I suppose it doesn't matter either way. It's not like I'll be getting that much sleep anyway.

Found out when Jacob is having his surgery. I'll probably not be blogging very much after that. At least not for a while.

I laughed pretty damn hard today while I was out at McD's with my sister. I received a text message that I wasn't expecting and for pretty much that reason, it made me laugh.

My job pisses me off. I'm ready to leave, but I can't afford to not work. And finding another job in this place is as hard as trying to find a needle in a haystack. Cliche phrase, I know, but it's the truth.

I keep listening to the same songs over and over again. At this point, I don't think I'm even really listening to them anymore. I just sing along simply because that's the impulse that feels right. Doesn't mean I'm actually listening to what's being said.

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Monday. 9.14.09 4:41 pm
That's how many miles I have on my car right now. I bought it June 21st, 2008 with 66 miles on it. Including a 1000 mile total round trip from here to Tucson and back, I myself have put 16,345 miles on my car ... in just under 15 months. What can I say? I like to drive.

Anywho, so I guess Friday wasn't the only time I was supposed to see Jacob this past weekend. He called me in the middle of the day Saturday and told me that I was invited to have dinner with them yesterday.

Dinner was delicious. His grandmother cooked a roast and we had mashed potatoes, peas, carrots, gravy and salad with it. I didn't pig out, but I ate quite a bit.

After dinner I stayed and played a game of Apples to Apples with them. That's actually a really fun game, if you've never played it. A type of psychological game where you try and guess what the "judge" is thinking. Easy, once you get the hang of it. Even more fun when you're playing with people who you know how their mind works. It makes the other people wonder.

After the game, we all headed out to a movie. I Can Do Bad All By Myself is a very good film. I fully recommend it. That's the only Tyler Perry film that I've seen, but according to the people I was with, in their opinions it's the best so far.

After the movie, I hung out for about 45 minutes, but then I needed to leave. I hate when it comes time for me to leave. Even if his family is there. It reminds me that it's not my home anymore. Even with as crazy and strange and hectic as things got in the 10 months I lived there, so far, that's the one place I feel entirely comfortable at. I feel more comfortable there than I do in my own, private apartment. In all honesty, I think I even felt more comfortable living there than I did when I lived with my own family. It's the one place I enjoyed calling home.

So that was yesterday.

It was back to work last night. I was tired from not sleeping very well. It seems to be a normal Monday trend.

After work, however, I got a text from my friend Adrian. I haven't seen or really even spoken to him since I moved from Tucson back in '07 so it was not something I was expecting. He happened to be out here in Vegas ... to get married!!!

He wanted to know if I'd be a witness at his commitment ceremony and I had absolutely no problems with that. It was only the three of us there; him, his boyfriend {now husband} and me, but it was really sweet and cute. It was also really nice seeing him again.

Blah, I think I've written enough for the day. Time for me to go be bored some more.

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