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Memores acti prudentes futuri

You're unsure if I am a loose end or a strand
that waits for you to mend or understand
A few words
"When we describe the Moon as dead, we are describing the deadness in ourselves. When we find space so hideously void, we are describing our own unbearable emptiness."
~ D.H. Lawrence

"Is the meaning of life defined by its duration? Or does life have a purpose so large that it doesn't have to be prolonged at any cost to preserve its meaning?"

"Living is not good, but living well. The wise man, therefore, lives as well as he should, not as long as he can... He will always think of life in terms of quality not quantity... Dying early or late is of no relevance, dying well or ill is... even if it is true that while there is life there is hope, life is not to be bought at any cost."
~ Seneca

"People will tell you nothing matters, the whole world's about to end soon anyway. Those people are looking at life the wrong way. I mean, things don't need to last forever to be perfect."
~ Daydream Nation

"All Bette's stories have happy endings. That's because she knows where to stop. She's realized the real problem with stories-- if you keep them going long enough, they always end in death."
~ The Sandman: Preludes & Nocturnes

"The road now stretched across open country, and it occurred to me - not by way of protest, not as a symbol, or anything like that, but merely as a novel experience - that since I had disregarded all laws of humanity, I might as well disregard the rules of traffic. So I crossed to the left side of the highway and checked the feeling, and the feeling was good. It was a pleasant diaphragmal melting, with elements of diffused tactility, all this enhanced by the thought that nothing could be nearer to the elimination of basic physical laws than deliberately driving on the wrong site of the road."
~ Vladimir Nabokov, Lolita

"It is easier to forgive an enemy than to forgive a friend."
~ William Blake
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Private once again
Saturday, May 21, 2011
Okay, I have closed off my poetry blog to the public. The deadline has passed, and I decided to submit Chronic and an untitled one.

I went to the Maker Faire today. We spent... oh, probably six or seven hours there. Possibly a little more. It was pretty cool! Also, I saw ES Guy there... that was... unexpected. I was standing with my mom and two of my cousins on the grass near the food court area and I heard someone say my name. I looked to the left and... there he was. He introduced me to his friend, whose name I didn't catch, and I introduced him to my mom. My mom introduced herself to him anyway... Guess she didn't hear me say "this is my mom."

It was... kind of weird to see him. Didn't get sucked into a lengthy conversation or anything though, so that was fine. I hope he didn't tell his friend anything to the effect of "oh man she TOTALLY has the hots for me."

There were a lot of steampunk people there. I've never seen so many older people dressed like that. X| It was... kind of strange. Cool, I guess, but just a little odd.

I'm pretty tired, but here are some pictures I've taken over the past... like... month.

Some junk mail people think my mom's name is Ha, so this card came out sounding really sarcastic and full of disdain.

The duck with a ridiculous number of ducklings. There are only... fourteen in this picture, I think, but we counted eighteen total.

I don't think I even need to comment on this.

Why, it's a squirrel!

This was a sign at the Maker Faire. It was next to this ride that's powered by pedaling...

The Tesla stage. Pretty awesome! The show itself was kind of lackluster, because all they did was ask people to stand in the cage while the music played and the lightning uh... danced around. This guy danced though, so that was nice.

I got some nifty armwarmers!

See, I'm making something of an effort to add color to my wardrobe.

Also got this monitor mirror for free from one of the booths.

Here's a closeup...

Now I can see the far corner of my room without turning around! Oh happy day!

My mom and I got our body composition analyzed by some GE machines that were in the Health section. The results paper I got says I need to lose twelve pounds. :/ I'm within the healthy BMI range, but apparently I'm fat. Well, I guess I kind of suspected it. It's sort of depressing to have a medical instrument tell you that, though. -Sigh-

It also told me my minimum daily caloric intake is 1221 calories. So basically I eat too much like, every day. Yay. I feel like a disgusting pig. X|

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Excerpts from a larger scheme [DP]
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
Be it extremely emotional, controversial, messed up, or whatever, this entry has been password protected.

If you know it, enter it; or, ask me for it.

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Monday, May 16, 2011
I've been adding comics to the KtB module lately, in case anybody is excessively bored and wants to kill several hours/days.

I found Beeserker today. Pretty awesome.

So basically I'm really really enjoying this comic. I recommend it 100%.

Also I had a dream last night that I was molested. Yeah, not too good there. :| It wasn't like, hardcore heavy duty molestation or anything, but it was enough to get me to start screaming in the dream and running away from the dude.

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Mild attention
Sunday, May 15, 2011
I would still appreciate help from anybody who's willing to look over some of my poetry/writings and tell me which piece(s) they like or give me some constructive criticism. Leave a comment and I'll send you a note with the URL.

Yesterday I was wearing a dress, and we went to this produce market that usually has good deals on stuff. All of the Mexican male employees talked to me... Not in like, a conversation way, but just comments as they walked by. For instance, one guy was mopping or sweeping or something and said "excuse me... thank you" then turned around, grinned at me, and said "SANK YOU!"

So that was weird.

Another one passed by me and waved and said hello. When we left, one looked up (he was bending over and arranging something) and said goodbye.

Nothing really crazy, like they were all hitting on me or anything. I just thought it was interesting since they didn't talk to anybody else near me. Then again, I was just wandering around carrying a bag of zucchini while my mom picked out stuff, so maybe they thought I needed help.


On Thursday I was wearing my yeti hat, and I told ES Guy it was supposed to look like it was eating my head. There was some stuff that was said then that might have involved monsters or cannibalism, and he said "as long as I don't get bitten" or... something like that. I replied "don't worry, biting is reserved for people I know better," with a slight smile on my face.

Oops. I've got a case of the accidental flirting pretty bad. Alice thinks I was being suggestive and implying that I wanted to get to know him better so that I could bite him. I really hope he didn't interpret it that way.

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Oh brain, you silly ol' thing
Saturday, May 14, 2011
I had a dream that I was looking at the things people had written in chalk on the underside of some green metal shelves. There was a check taped to one part with the name "Dennis Sawdix" on it. At first I thought it was an odd name, and then I realized what it said and started laughing.

Dreamt a LOT last night. Mostly I just remember incomplete fragments though, so I won't go into detail.


I'm still asking for people to look over my poetry! The submission deadline for the literary magazine is May 20th, so it's sort of urgent. Just let me know if you wouldn't mind looking over some things, maybe giving me a few comments, and I'll send you a note with the URL of the page.

If nothing else, I'll probably submit Scene Outside a Beaten Up Red Truck. People seem to like that one. I've just been holding back on doing that because a girl in the literary magazine course was also in my poetry class, and I know she'd recognize the piece if I submitted it. If I submitted other works alongside it, it would identify them all as mine to her, and I would really prefer for nobody to know who the writer is when they're judging my pieces.

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A little help?
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
I want to submit something to the school literary magazine, but I'm not sure which pieces would be of any interest. Also, I'd like to get some outside opinions before I make any decisions...

(I work on the literary magazine, but we judge submissions anonymously, so the other students could be totally ruthless when viewing my stuff...)

If you're interested in giving me opinions, let me know in the comments or on AIM or something.


For clarification purposes, I'm asking you to look over some of my poems. I didn't realize how completely vague I was before. X| You can just tell me if you like anything in particular or stuff like that. Nothing complicated.

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This entry contains references to poetry
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
I like the poetry I write when I'm hanging onto sanity by a thread. It feels more real, faster, more rhythmic.

Maybe I'm one of those people who can write well as long as they suffer intensely. My whole life could be a descent into utter despair, but my works would be cherished forever.

Probably not. I don't think I actually have that kind of talent.

But it does bring up the question of whether it's better to be an unhappy somebody or a happy nobody. I guess most people would choose to be happy. We're all supposed to want to be happy, after all.

That's just normal.

But I don't like normalcy. Don't get me wrong, I guess I like being happy, too. I'm past being confused and scared by happiness. I think I know how it feels, now. It can't surprise me anymore.

I don't write happy poetry. It feels weird to say that, because I don't think I've acknowledged it before. I can write SILLY poetry, and nonsensical things, but I wouldn't consider those happy, per se.

No, I write poems about being sad, and guilt, and feeling so completely alienated by everything that you're not sure anymore if your reflection is really just an image, or if it's another person that mimics everything you do, and one day when you've let your guard down, they will come out and they will replace you, and no one will ever know the difference because of how well they copy you.

I don't even know if you'll know, because I don't know what your reflection does with you.

I'm actually feeling okay. Maybe a little off, here and there, but I'm not at any extremes. I've been writing some things. Not the stuff in the last entry, though. Those were just bits of things that I decided to pull out of my sketchbook and post. Those are from when I had so many thoughts in my head I felt like I was being pulled apart into different people and I had to write everything down so I wouldn't break down.

Guess you guys were not sure how to respond to my old... excerpts. Well, that's alright. In case you were wondering though, I haven't finally descended into madness for good. It was just some old stuff I thought I'd share.

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Krackzict [DP]
Sunday, May 8, 2011
Be it extremely emotional, controversial, messed up, or whatever, this entry has been password protected.

If you know it, enter it; or, ask me for it.

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