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Memores acti prudentes futuri

Shown to the place you fold
there's nothing to be without it
A few words
"When we describe the Moon as dead, we are describing the deadness in ourselves. When we find space so hideously void, we are describing our own unbearable emptiness."
~ D.H. Lawrence

"Is the meaning of life defined by its duration? Or does life have a purpose so large that it doesn't have to be prolonged at any cost to preserve its meaning?"

"Living is not good, but living well. The wise man, therefore, lives as well as he should, not as long as he can... He will always think of life in terms of quality not quantity... Dying early or late is of no relevance, dying well or ill is... even if it is true that while there is life there is hope, life is not to be bought at any cost."
~ Seneca

"People will tell you nothing matters, the whole world's about to end soon anyway. Those people are looking at life the wrong way. I mean, things don't need to last forever to be perfect."
~ Daydream Nation

"All Bette's stories have happy endings. That's because she knows where to stop. She's realized the real problem with stories-- if you keep them going long enough, they always end in death."
~ The Sandman: Preludes & Nocturnes

"The road now stretched across open country, and it occurred to me - not by way of protest, not as a symbol, or anything like that, but merely as a novel experience - that since I had disregarded all laws of humanity, I might as well disregard the rules of traffic. So I crossed to the left side of the highway and checked the feeling, and the feeling was good. It was a pleasant diaphragmal melting, with elements of diffused tactility, all this enhanced by the thought that nothing could be nearer to the elimination of basic physical laws than deliberately driving on the wrong site of the road."
~ Vladimir Nabokov, Lolita

"It is easier to forgive an enemy than to forgive a friend."
~ William Blake
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Not even a chance
Thursday, March 10, 2011
So... he wasn't there today. :| I guess... if he's there next week... I can try... but it's the last week of real classes, so if he's not, that'll probably be it. Really, for good this time. I mean, I have been proved wrong time and again when I've said I'll never see him after a certain point, but I can't imagine it will continue like this indefinitely.

Dreamt about him last night. Dreamt he recognized me, remembered me actually. But also dreamt that I missed the chance to talk to him by two weeks, out of sheer forgetfulness.

And then there was a bit where my aunt put a piece of paper on my fireplace and drew a moustachioed hipster crying tears of joy as he fell into an abyss. That's not quite relevant though.

Too tired.

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Too warm
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
I read a couple of my poems in class today. Being up in front of everyone made me heat up pretty badly, and I might have been shaking a little when I got back to my seat.

If I take a public speaking class next quarter, it is going to suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck.

Oh, and the professor concluded that the moral of my poem was not to wear pantyhose.

Last night I had a dream that the prof was taking the class out for something special, but a bunch of people just left instead of going, or they went in their own cars instead of the transportation he provided. I don't remember much except that there were books involved and an expensive brand of imported chocolate that was called "Natcho Nacho" or something like that. One of the flavors was called "Sleepy Budgerigar", and it was supposed to make budgies drowsy if you fed it to them.

Also, I saw DC yesterday! I was with my new friend though, so I thought it would be weird to go over and possibly talk to him (if I could even work up the nerve, I mean). BUT, if I see him again tomorrow, I'm gonna try! (And certain people reading this will possibly laugh or be like "FINALLY JEEZ") Probably what will happen though is that I'll totally freeze up and just walk right past and then when we're out of earshot start cursing my inability to form coherent sentences around him.

It's kind of weird to think the guy I hung out with yesterday/today is actually older than DC. :S (Or he should be, unless DC was held back at some point)

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Uhh... dreams
Sunday, March 6, 2011
I'm not sure exactly what to say about the dreams I had last night...

Some stuff I don't remember happened, and then I was sleeping under a blanket in a long room with a grey carpet. I felt somebody's clammy hands against my arm, and pushed the blanket off my head to discover an old classmate, who seemed to be mostly or perhaps completely naked (I couldn't tell). He was high on pot, and apparently trying to rape me or something sexual like that.

I fled, terrified and grossed out, and went to a bathroom to throw up. Apparently all I'd been eating for awhile was cooked spinach. After I was done with that, I went to a different bathroom and threw up some more. It felt like I had food poisoning all over again, which was awful.

When I had finished vomiting for good, I went into a larger part of the building, which housed many bunk bed/play structure things. My mom was in there, since she had apparently secured a bed, whereas I had not (hence the sleeping in the other room). I climbed around on some of the beds, and then the scene became an 8-bit sidescroller type game, and my character was an old magician man trying to escape from the place by digging a tunnel. There were guards though, and spikes and holes he could fall into. Unfortunately I wasn't skilled enough to get out alive, so he died, and back in the present, I learned that his ghost haunted the area.

In a separate dream I was at school, trying to figure out classes to take with Alice. I lost her though, and wandered into a classroom where there was a female professor teaching something about Venus. I thought the class was interesting, but I had either not registered for it or already dropped it. Regardless, I had to find Alice. I ran up an escalator, but didn't see her, so I got on one of those saucer sleds and went on the down escalator so I could get back outside.

She was nowhere to be seen, so I went and hung out with Phoebe and her friends. We walked around the uncovered basement of a serial killer's house. The actual house part had long since collapsed, so it was just an empty room with an ominous feel. There wasn't much to look at, so we stood outside, and they ate dried noodle snacks, and I thought about rodents and dead body blue liquid.

I woke up in between these dreams at around seven, with a song in my head that I'm pretty sure I've never heard before. It had a Death Cab For Cutie sound, but the words were unintelligible. I was too determined to go back to sleep to try and record it...

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Another perspective
Sunday, March 6, 2011
"I like talking to you."

You like pasting links to pictures and articles and random sites into the IM window. We don't have real conversations. You just talk about things, and I make small comments here and there. If I try to bring anything up you ignore me and add another link to the queue. It would probably be more appropriate to reword that as "I like talking at you."


Friday night was good! Alice freaked out because we had to drive through an unmarked alley to pick up Erika for the art walk (why was an alley on Google Maps?), but the drive was fairly smooth after that...

The First Friday galleries didn't have exhibits that were that great this time, I thought. Didn't really get to check out SLG, since we were late and only had a couple of hours to check out all the sites on the walk. The MACLA had an interesting comic/3D art thing going on, but that was the only one I found particularly memorable.

Alice and I agreed that Erika didn't seem to be having a very good time. I tried talking to her in one of the galleries, but she told me she wasn't much of an art person, so she didn't know anything about it, and that I shouldn't worry about her. :S It seemed like she felt like a fifth wheel, unfortunately. I was kind of bummed that she couldn't enjoy herself with us, but I guess that it's hard when you're shy and you're hanging out with a friend, a friend of that friend, and two guys you've never met before. I've talked with her without Alice before, but I guess we're more like friendly acquaintances? I'm not sure.


Today was not so great. :| I did work out a possible schedule for next quarter though, so I guess that's good?

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Youthful impatience, perhaps?
Thursday, March 3, 2011
I feel like I had to pry the information out of my prof when I asked how I could improve on that particular paper. The gist of it is that I need to clarify more... which I found a bit... uh... stupefying I suppose? When I explained the situation to Alice, she concluded that he just has "reading comprehension issues." :P

Here's an excerpt from my paper, and what he told me about it:

The “what” in “what drives me crazy” is not specified, so it could be any object, action, event, characteristic, etc. Let us imagine that it is being poked.

Apparently the "it" in the second sentence isn't specific enough, and readers might not realize that I'm referring to the "what" of the previous sentence. He suggested I make it more obvious, and change "it" to "the what" so as to avoid confusion.

Would it be condescending of me if I were to say that these hypothetical confused readers of mine are dumb as rocks? I mean, seriously. If I write...

I have an apple. Let's say it's red.

...The average person is not going to be going "Huh? I don't get it. What's the red object?"

---Anyway, enough about that.---

I talked to him again today about my comics. He thought they were good, but didn't say anything I hadn't heard before. Same old "you've got talent" and "you should pursue this" stuff. He DID mention that he knew some people in the field, and said he would talk to his wife about me (His wife is a graphic designer or something). I guess that's helpful, but I didn't really gain anything insight or learn anything new from the discussion. Ah well. I should probably submit something to the school paper...


I think I made a potential friend yesterday morning. My dad dropped me off at school early (around 10:10?)because it was raining (and my prof's office hours are 10:30 - 11:20, which is before my class with him), so I had some time to kill. I was sitting on a bench in the area under the cafeteria, browsing through my Beat Poetry book, and this guy came over and asked if he could sit on my bench.

I gave him permission, and he sat there for about two seconds, then started asking about my book. It developed into a conversation about writing fiction, then comics, and majors/future plans. After awhile I told him I had to go meet with my prof, and he asked if he could walk me there. I said yes, although the distance was pretty trivial, and outside the prof's office building he asked where I hung out on campus. Since I just go home after my classes, I told him I didn't hang out anywhere because I don't have friends at school, and he said I could hang out with his group. We exchanged phone numbers, then I left.

The whole thing reminded me vaguely of Nathan. I don't THINK this guy has been watching me or anything, but it's possible I guess. It's also possible he was hitting on me, but he didn't give that impression. In any case, I'm not attracted to him, so it doesn't matter much...

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Alas, grades
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
First (graded) paper: 95/100
Second paper: 98/100

Midterm: 48/50

I would say I am doing well. This 98/100 business is bugging me, though. I understand that my first paper was kind of rough, since I'd never done an explication before, but he didn't give any explanation for the two points off. He just wrote lots of praise all over my essay...

Well I've tried to write the rest of this entry three times now, and I don't know how to do it without sounding ungrateful or condescending or just... annoying. I guess I'll just talk about my day(s) instead...

Yesterday went well! I was kind of tired, but it didn't affect too much. Since I have that gap between my psych class and my environmental studies one, I went to the environmental science building to wait. I saw the guy from my class who gave me a ride before there. He was sitting at one of the tables, so I sat down across from him. We had about half an hour left before class started, and he was writing his paper (due that day, for shame! :P). He was also eating pasta with chopsticks. :S (The guy isn't asian, although that really wouldn't make it less weird anyway) I thought it was a bit odd, so I laughed, and he explained that he had a metal fork before, but it kept stabbing him and poking holes in his backpack, so he switched over to chopsticks.

Well alrighty then, mister. Whatever floats your boat.

He also mentioned that he hadn't seen me at one of the volunteer events. I told him I didn't know that one counted, but he said it did, and then went on to elaborate on how boring and long it was. Glad I didn't go, I guess? Haha, he definitely made it sound like a drag.

Besides that, he asked me if I noticed that another one of our group members seemed to be really into guns. I replied that I hadn't, but I thought that it was because he works in law enforcement.

Yeah, not gonna lie, I found the whole conversation kind of amusing. Just the directions it took... I don't even know. Oh, but in class, everyone liked my cookies! (The chocolate ones I make most often) And one of my group members (the "gun obsessed" guy, who's like, forty and has kids and a wife) said I was marriage material. Ah, if only cookie baking skills really could secure me a husband... Everything would be so much easier. XD

Today hasn't been as nice. This morning I started getting cramps at 3 AM, but it hurt so much that I didn't want to get out of bed. (Plus... I thought I could try to sleep it off) Finally, at 5, I got up and took some Midol. Went back to sleep when it finally started working, and then woke up about half an hour later than normal. I was in a bit of a rush because of that, so I just had a smoothie for breakfast, then got dressed and biked to school.

School... uneventful. We just got our papers back and then... talked about poems, I guess. I was so brain dead I could barely pay attention.

Back home... made another smoothie (with some Very Green powder from Trader Joe's... it gave it kind of a weird smell/taste, not bad exactly, but strange. Blending in a banana fixed it). My brother wanted to try it, despite its green color, and apparently liked it enough to finish the rest.

And now... CRAMPS AGAIN. Blahhhhhhh my 12 hour Midol is wearing off. :( I hate having periods.

Also when I got up at 5 to take the Midol to begin with, for some reason I kept thinking about yamakas. When I wake up I often have one clear thought or song stuck in my head, and today... it was Jewish headgear. If I was dreaming about that, I do not remember at all.

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Pictures of food
Monday, February 28, 2011
The title does not lie! This I swear to thee.

BUT FIRST: Look at the lovely things I have been getting in the mail!


I also took some pictures of the yemiser wot I made the other day. Yum yum yum, Ethiopian food.

Here are the ingredients...

Red lentils, berbere, onion, garlic, olive oil, salt, and pepper. Water was also an ingredient, but I think you all know what that looks like. :P

This is the sauce for the lentils...

The recipe I have calls for only 1 1/2 Tbsp of berbere, but I like me some spicy lentils, so I probably use more like 2 1/2 - 3 Tbsp. Possibly more.

The lentils, after being cooked, but prior to being combined with the sauce. Notice how they've lost that bright color they had while dry...

Just added the sauce...

Stirred and cooked for a few minutes.

The lentils have started to absorb some of the color at this point.

Unfortunately I don't have a delicious looking picture of the finished product for you to see. We ate the yemiser wot up so fast I forgot to take a final photo. XP There were some leftovers in the fridge, which I took a picture of, but it doesn't look quite as nice. Slightly revolting to some people, I'd bet.

Do not be fooled by the mundane appearance! I assure you that it is quite tasty. Plus, it's super healthy considering how good it tastes. Lentils are very good for you, and I hear they're good for losing weight... (Probably not so much if you pig out on them like I'm inclined to)

The recipe I used is HERE.

It's super easy to make as long as you don't mind a teensy bit of multitasking (I would recommend using a food processor to chop the onion, by the way). I eat mine mixed with a little brown rice, since injera (Ethiopian sourdough flatbread, spongy in texture) is turning out to be hard to make. I think my experimental batter just needs to ferment awhile longer...

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These breaks I'm taking
Sunday, February 27, 2011

I seem to be putting a lot of gaps between entries these days. There were times when I'd put up two posts a day, and now it's more like two a week.

Oh, how times change.

Things are quiet around here.

No I will not explain that picture. It needs no explanation. NONE WHATSOEVER.

I made yemiser wot again today, and it was yummy. Took some pictures, but as you might recall, my external hard drive crashed a few months ago (man I have NOT been on top of this...) and I have nowhere on my primary computer to store them. I can, of course, transfer them from my camera to the computer in the front room, which is the sluggish ol' machine I used to obsessively surf Nutang with, but seeing as I am not often in that room anymore it takes a bit more effort on my part.

And we all know that I am a lazybones. :(

Sidenote: I just Googled "scour" (habit; sometimes words you've learned purely from context mean something totally different than you expected) and laughed because I am immature.

scour Noun /skou(ə)r/

1. The action of scouring or the state of being scoured, esp. by swift-flowing water
2. An act of rubbing something hard to clean or brighten it
give the floor a good scour
3. Diarrhea in livestock, esp. cattle and pigs

That last one is just so non sequitur. I mean, it's also bathroom humor, but mostly I was caught off guard. And apparently being caught off guard makes me laugh.


I had a dream that I was trying to escape from home, so I went into my bedroom, which was also apparently the bathroom, and tried to close the door so my dad wouldn't see me leave. It wouldn't shut all the way, so I pretended I couldn't do my business without proper privacy, and pleaded with him to help me close it. He wasn't falling for it. I packed my bag anyway, and then realized that I had boiled some lentils for yemiser wot, and contemplated finishing cooking before leaving. For whatever reason there was a lot of pressure to leave as soon as possible though, so I just ran. The streets outside were bordered by jungle, and deep trenches ran down the middle of them. Wooden bridges ran over the trenches, but you could easily fall in if you tripped, since there were no railings down the length of the gashes in the ground. It was all very tropical and humid.

I ran down to the end of the street, where a large rounded dock stood. The jungle did not thin out as it approached the grey ocean, instead ending in a solid wall of dark green and brown at the shore. It was two stories high, with balconies like a motel.


Probably one of my greatest, if rarely thought about, ambitions is to accurately portray a scene from my dreams in visual form. Lately, since I've been remembering so much more, the urge to share has been increasing. People tire of listening to these things though, and I think it would be more meaningful if they could see what I'm talking about.

Maybe one day.

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