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undecided
How confusing.
Sunday. 11.9.08 9:42 pm
Everytime I talk to that person, there is that annoying little thug from the back of my head telling me that I shouldn't be talking to this person at all. I thought I got over that overreaction I got last week which I've successfully overcome after 2 days with the help of a little comparison between two.

I don't know due to the big differences in so many factors, I have no idea at all where this is heading to. Still that person is human and am I. Humans have feelings and most of them tend to act similarly in the same situations yet there are so many things that would make the act different.

Whatever this person say still trigger that alarm telling me that these are not the things friends usually say to friends but I really don't know if we could be talking on some other things because we generally like different things.

Seriously, of all of the people, why choose me? I'm cool not talking to you. I thought it would be no different when I sent you that email. If I knew this would happen, I would NOT do that at all.

I hope you won't text me today or tomorrow or the day after. I would really like my life to return to how it used to be. I'm looking forward for Christmas at the same time I'm not. How I wish you would stop telling me that you want me to be happy everytime I get upset over some things, SOUNDS SO WRONG!!!

Dispite typing all this, it doesn't make me feel any better.. I'm going to study. I'm gonna have to start building walls.

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Not with You.
Sunday. 11.2.08 9:40 am
I wish that some people will not cling to me. I am not in the loving kind of relationship with you and I know whenever you find me, you will ask me to help you with something. The answer is NO. You have done it too often and it annoys the hell out of me every single time. Stop using your cute factor and your annoying-after-hearing-it-too-many-times voice on me. I HATE IT BUT I SOMETIMES CAN’T IGNORE YOU BECAUSE YOU MAKE ME FEEL GUILTY!

I will help you, just NOT ALL THE TIME. I am not your information booth and I am not a know-it-all. I wish you would stop talking to me like I know every answer to your questions. Also, stop talking to me like I can solve every single one of your problems.

We are friends. I can give opinions but stop asking me to give more than I can and stop being clingy. GO FIND A GUY AND CLING TO HIM. MAKE HIM FEEL ALL BETTER BECAUSE THERE IS SOMEONE MAKING HIM FEEL LIKE HE IS SUPER AWESOME.

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Heck!
Wednesday. 10.29.08 4:26 am
Be it extremely emotional, controversial, messed up, or whatever, this entry has been password protected.

If you know it, enter it; or, ask me for it.

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Gimme something new.
Sunday. 10.26.08 4:19 am
Life has to give me a new dare. This dare is so old now that it hardly motivates me to do anything but moping over the fact that it sucks! I think I work better when I feel challenged because my pride is on the line and I would just love to see their faces when I succeed. Though the same challenge over and over again gets stale and does not help in motivating me. The situation has to change, has to be more challenging and less “up to you, it is your life to live”. Everyone needs a cause to fight with but when nothing changes after that fight, aren’t you going to lose your way? When we fight for something, we have to see the results. When you don’t see any after a while, most people will give up. I don’t want to give up but this fight is getting so old I am sick of it. Just like everyone is sick of George W. Bush and his stupidity. Just because I am old enough it doesn’t mean that I need less encouragement. Some people have to mature early due to certain circumstances so when it comes to some things, they have no idea what to do. Although I know that people can’t make a decision of another, they could still assist the person by giving their thoughts and encouragement. Through these thoughts, the pros and cons, even things that the person were not aware of will emerge, helping the person who needs to make a decision.

All I wish for now is for life to give me some hope/imporvement/something new for me to continue fighting that stupid challenge with that stupid part of the family. Whatever it is that I have now, seems so stale and so boring, it is not fun anymore.

By the way, if what my mother has been doing, which is impulsive shopping for luxury items, is some kind of a sign, YOU GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!

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undecided
Friday. 10.24.08 5:42 am
He reprimanded me for shouting at my mother on the phone. Sorry dude but she is the main cause of my stress lately and I can’t help it that sometimes she is like some bimbo thinking that everything is so darn easy to do. It is not fun to not have friends and please your mother at the same time. It is so not fun to have that feeling that the things you are about to do will cause you to lose friendship. I love the bonds that lasted throughout the years and I don’t want to lose it no matter what. Sometimes, I don’t get my mother, she thinks it is so easy for someone to follow what another did just because the other is the same age and is doing better! Forcing people will get you no where! Everyone does things their own way you can’t force someone to be someone else.

Thanks mum for my abnormal growth of pimples this month.

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So.. I
Monday. 10.20.08 10:28 am
got the job I wanted but it is not at the location I wanted and it is just 6 days. The part time job which pays the highest actually needs me to get to a place not within walking distance and isn't quite near a bus stop. Sucks! My life sucks! If it is just within some station or a bus stop, I'd glomp into it and make 300 bucks by just working after class and have time to finish my assignments!

Gosh... what a disappointment.

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