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Memores acti prudentes futuri


No shadows will replace the warmth of your contact
love is dead in Metropolis
A few words
"When we describe the Moon as dead, we are describing the deadness in ourselves. When we find space so hideously void, we are describing our own unbearable emptiness."
―D.H. Lawrence

"Is the meaning of life defined by its duration? Or does life have a purpose so large that it doesn't have to be prolonged at any cost to preserve its meaning?"

"Living is not good, but living well. The wise man, therefore, lives as well as he should, not as long as he can... He will always think of life in terms of quality not quantity... Dying early or late is of no relevance, dying well or ill is... even if it is true that while there is life there is hope, life is not to be bought at any cost."
―Seneca

"People will tell you nothing matters, the whole world's about to end soon anyway. Those people are looking at life the wrong way. I mean, things don't need to last forever to be perfect."
―Daydream Nation

"All Bette's stories have happy endings. That's because she knows where to stop. She's realized the real problem with stories― if you keep them going long enough, they always end in death."
―The Sandman: Preludes & Nocturnes

"The road now stretched across open country, and it occurred to me - not by way of protest, not as a symbol, or anything like that, but merely as a novel experience - that since I had disregarded all laws of humanity, I might as well disregard the rules of traffic. So I crossed to the left side of the highway and checked the feeling, and the feeling was good. It was a pleasant diaphragmal melting, with elements of diffused tactility, all this enhanced by the thought that nothing could be nearer to the elimination of basic physical laws than deliberately driving on the wrong site of the road."
― Vladimir Nabokov, Lolita
TICoSME
Musicalities!
Online Radio
Soma.fm

More Fun Shtuff
Newgrounds Audio Portal
Pandora
SoundClick
Kill that boredom!
Binder Paper Comics

Web Comics and Such
A Distant Soil (Some nudity)
The Adventures of Gyno-Star (Some explicit stuff)
Aquapunk
Axe Cop
Basic Instructions
Bear Nuts
Beeserker

Blue Milk Special
Bobbins
Broodhollow
Bug
Buttersafe
Camp Weedonwantcha
Chainsawsuit
ChannelATE
Cigarro & Cerveja
Conspiracy Friends!
Crunchy Bunches

Curia Regis
Cyanide and Happiness
dead winter (has some explicit stuff)
Devilbear: The Grimoires of Bearalzebub (PG-13?)
Diesel Sweeties
Distillum
DUBBLEBABY
Dumm Comics
Eat That Toast!
Ectopiary (Some nudity)
E-merl.com
The End
Evil Diva
Evil Inc.
Existential Comics
The Fancy Adventures of Jack Cannon
For Lack of a Better Comic
Forming (Explicit)

Girls with Slingshots (some explicit stuff...?)
Mirror
Hark! A Vagrant
Head Doctor Productions
Hollow Mountain
IDK Comics
Inscribing Ardi
The Intrepid Girlbot
JBabb Comics
The Last Halloween
Last Train to Old Town
L.A.W.L.S.
The League of Evil Genius

Legend of Bill
Living With Insanity (some nudity)
Love Me Nice
Married to the Sea
Meaty Yogurt
Medium Large
The Meek
Metacarpolis
Monsterhood
Monsterkind
The Moon Prince
Moon Town
Moth (Some nudity)
Mr. Lovenstein
Muddlers Beat

Natalie Dee
Nedroid
The Non-Adventures of Wonderella
Optipess
Out There
Phuzzy Comics
P.I. Jane
Political Cartoonists Index
Poorly Drawn Lines
Powernap
The Property of Hate
Red Meat
Rice Boy
Robbie and Bobby
Rosscott, Inc.
Safely Endangered
Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Savage Chickens
Scenes from a Multiverse
The Secret Knots
Serenity Rose
Stand Still. Stay Silent
Stinking Hellebore
Strong Female Protagonist
Subnormality
The Super Fogeys
Tales of Pylea
Three Word Phrase (some nudity)
Tiny Kitten Teeth
Toothpaste for Dinner
Trying Human (Some nudity)
Two Guys and Guy
Mirror

Witchy
xkcd
Yellow Peril (PG-13)

Infrequently/No Longer Updating Web Comics
The Abominable Charles Christopher
The Adventures of Dr. McNinja
The Adventures of Ellie Connelly
American Hell
Bag of Toast
Bear in Mind
Bobwhite
The Book of Biff
Brat-halla
Brightest
Bullfinch
Chain Bear (Some explicit stuff)
Daisy is Dead
Dream Life
Edemia
Edmund Finney's Quest to Find the Meaning of Life
A Fine Example
Finn and Charlie are HITCHED
Floodmud
Freaks!

Green Wake
Gun Show
Hello with Cheese
Helpful Figures
Intragalactic
Kyle & Atticus
Lesbian Pirates from Outer Space
Letters to a Wild Boar
Lovecraft is Missing

Manta-man
Meat and Plastic
Minimalism Sucks
Mis-
Moe
The Nerds of Paradise
Nimona
No Reason Comics
Odd-Fish
One Swoop Fell
Owen's Uncles
Patches
Pictures for Sad Children
Raymondo Person
A Redtail's Dream

Riotfish
Roy's Boys (PG 13?)
Run Freak Run
Saint's Way
Shortpacked!
Sin Titulo
Snowflakes
Split Lip
Spooky Doofus
SubCulture
Super Buzzkill
The Super Gay Adventures of Ross Boston
Thermohalia
Troubletown
Ugly Girl
YU + ME
2815 Monument

Pure Flash Awesomeness
Aardvardkbutter.com
Angry Alien
Die Anstalt : Toy Psychiatry
The Frown
Hoogerbrugge

Other
Bogleech
Clients from Hell
Brian Despain
Creatures in My Head
Damn You Auto Correct!
Jhonen Vasquez's site
Overheard in New York
Passive Aggressive Notes
Submarinechannel.com
Superdickery
UHpinions
Whirled
Looky here
free counters
Not actually ugly [2P]
Saturday, April 8, 2017
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Music from a past lifetime [DP]
Friday, April 7, 2017
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"Adventures" of the past week
Wednesday, April 5, 2017
Phew, that Nutang outage had me worried for a sec. I'm so glad it's back up! Although the outage did remind me that I really need to find a way to backup all my posts... this is over ten years of my life on this blog. That's like 40% of my lifetime! Seeing as I am a data hoarder and all, I get pretty anxious about the prospect of losing all that.

Second week of classes is going okay so far. The only class I'm really that into is my culture class, in which I had a surprising amount to say on Monday... With my other classes I've rarely felt that engaged, so I end up just sitting silently and sneakily checking Facebook on my tablet every once in awhile or doodling in the margins of my notes.

On Saturday I walked over to my therapist's office, but I forgot that we didn't actually have an appointment, so I just wandered around for a few hours and ended up walking 11 miles unintentionally. It was a nice walk, though, and it didn't rain on me. I only got one blister from it, and no real lasting soreness otherwise. Also, my landlady drove by me on my way back and gave me a ride to the house! That was really awesome and so very appreciated, because while I think I only had maybe half an hour left to walk, my feet hurt a lot at that point, haha.

Sunday I hung out with A. for a few hours, and we walked around and talked. I got a stupidly big root beer float that was way more than I wanted or needed, and probably worth 70% of my calories for the day. >_> It came with two gigantic scoops of ice cream in a cup and a bottle of root beer, and the ice cream didn't leave enough room for the whole bottle of soda. By the time I had managed to drink enough that I could empty the bottle into the cup, I was pretty much full, so the rest of it was a struggle. A. was... uh... "encouraging"... by which I mean he kept telling me that I could finish it... and then joking about me getting another one. -__- He also drove us to the area he lives in, and we walked around there a little. I asked him if he ever had the urge to just randomly kick things or destroy them, and he said "yeah, but I don't tell people" because he wants to maintain a semblance of normalcy or something. For some reason I had a lot of urges to just act kinda crazy and chaotic (not that I gave in to those urges) and I kept telling him about them, and he was like "I think you're secretly 4," haha.

I've been playing a lot of incremental games over the past few days. Right now I'm playing one called Critter Mound that... well, it has almost no graphics whatsoever and kinda just looks like a spreadsheet with a loading bar for the most part, but for some reason it's interesting to play? Sadly, it looks like the developer died last year, so it's not being updated anymore. I'm not totally sure what I like about incremental games-- maybe they satisfy some kind of need for multitasking I have, or I can feel like I'm "doing" something with my idle time because I'm making progress in a game.

The past week has been kind of... uh....... interesting at this house I'm living in. Last Tuesday this new guy moved into the house, and from the very beginning, he was causing problems... I have to share a bathroom with him, and he would pee pretty much everywhere but the toilet bowl. Like, it was on the seat, on the floor... really gross, honestly. By the third day I was pretty fed up with wiping up that nastiness and talked to my landlady about it, and she said that she had already talked to him on the first day because he left "a big bowl of shit" in the bathroom. This kid is like 18 or something, barely speaks English, and dropped out of high school in Taiwan (he's trying to do community college here now). I'm under the impression that my landlady only let him move in here as a favor to a friend, but she's vented to me like four times already about him, and he's only been here a week now. She's super nice and was trying to help him register for classes and learn how things in the U.S. work, but he was never grateful for her help, was demanding ("I'm hungry, I want to go downtown to eat"), and just... didn't listen to her. He has also been up really late (like 2AM and later) talking loudly in his room, and the walls are thin here, so he woke both of us up more than once. A little noise is very audible. A few days ago my landlady was telling me that if things didn't improve, she was going to ask him to leave, and well... things didn't improve. The final straw for her was yesterday night, when she was working on some important documents and was in her room, with her phone turned off. He had forgotten his keys, so when he came back to he house, he tried to message her but didn't get a response... so instead of, say, waiting awhile or coming back later, he started banging on things outside the house with a hammer until she came outside and let him in. Because, you know, that's definitely what sane people with manners do. So yeah, she's kicking him out, because she's had enough. She tried to help him, but this kid is so unappreciative, inconsiderate, and incompetent that it's too much for him. I guess I'll be getting a new housemate soon!

This has a little bit of a country feel to it, but I've been listening to this song a lot today:

"Tears for Affairs" by Camera Obscura.

Shedding tears for affairs
I'm a stupid little thing
I can tell you this for nothing
You won't win

You had to try
-(I didn't want to)
Look me in the eye
-(I found it hard to)
Whisper don't cry
-(I had to whisper goodbye)

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On entertainment and adventure, briefly
Wednesday, March 29, 2017
I went to see a movie with my friend A. tonight because a local theatre was having a cheap movie night. After the movie ended, we walked outside, and he told me that he had been on acid the entire time and that it made for a very interesting experience. o_O I asked him what it was like and he just paused for awhile, then said "Yeah." So... I have no idea what he was seeing or experiencing. I was kind of concerned because he drove himself home while he was still... high? Under the influence of it? But he said he had only taken one and he would be fine... And he did text me when he got back, so I guess... he was fine... Kind of wondering if I should have checked first to make sure he was okay to drive, though. I feel irresponsible. I wouldn't let someone drive if they had been drinking, but I don't know how acid works or what it does to people, so I just let it go. He didn't seem to have any issues with coordination, but I'm not sure what his cognitive functioning was like, and that's still pretty important while driving... Ugh.

Well... the movie was enjoyable, at least. I've actually seen it before, but it had been awhile, so I forgot a lot of the plot. It was his first time watching it, and I think he had a good time. Usually I recommend it to people if they ask about movies I like, so I feel like it's pretty solid. I forgot that there were sex scenes in it, though, so that felt... really awkward for me. There was a good two feet of space between me and my friend though (the theatre had benches instead of normal seats), and I never get those "secretly attracted" vibes from him, so I didn't feel worried on top of feeling awkward.

This quarter, so far, has been somewhat better than the past two. Although it always starts off okay... I guess I'll have to see how it goes down the line. I'd still rather be home, despite finding some things to like about the area I live in now. That theatre I went to today was pretty cool, and I wish we had some like that back home.

A few fun things aren't really enough to motivate me to stay here, though. I guess I live in my head enough that I don't really feel like I need to go out searching for adventure and excitement. Sometimes I feel like that makes me look boring, but people tend to get the idea that I am interesting and just don't want to talk about it. When I'm asked "What do you do?", I just... don't have a lot to say? I mean, it's such a boring question to me, even though it makes total sense in a way. Theoretically, how a person spends their time should be indicative of their particular personality... right? So maybe it's just the summarizing that's the problem. Saying "I spend a lot of time on the internet" sounds almost intolerably boring. Like, what do you do on the internet? You could be looking at ancap memes for hours (just throwing that out there as an example because I discovered those yesterday and had a good derisive laugh at anarcho-capitalists for about thirty seconds before moving on). I'm not gonna pretend I haven't looked at memes for hours before, but I also won't pretend it's not a huge waste of time and totally unproductive. If I'm spending a lot of time on mindless entertainment it's usually because I'm not doing so hot emotionally or I'm mentally exhausted or something. Both are problematic situations!

No idea where I'm going with any of this. Sometimes I start these entries with a purpose in mind, and then I take like two hours to finish writing because I'm doing five other things at the same time, and by the time I'm done, the entry is... in a pretty different place than where it started. I kind of just write with minimal planning or editing and save my wordvomit here.

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Going back
Monday, March 27, 2017
I guess I gotta go back there
I guess there never was any other answer
And as the freeway hums
The cars go by
And headlights roll across the sky
I'm many miles away
And I can see them spinning through the dark

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Cults, teacher-student interactions [4P]
Saturday, March 25, 2017
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Different times, different standards [4P]
Wednesday, March 22, 2017
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Ad nauseam [4P]
Monday, March 20, 2017
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