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dave
Age. 35
Gender. Male
Ethnicity. Chinese
Location Valley Village, CA
School. Cornell Univ
» More info.
Grad school
232th day of 2005
As most of my fellow NuTang members are about to start high school, I'm about to start grad school. I really feel old.

My internship just ended on Friday. We're gonna put our house on the market on Monday. I'll be returning back to school on Tuesday.

I feel soo sleepy, like a limp worm with no dirt in its gut.

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mac & feet
224th day of 2005
Sometimes, I wake up in the morning and I find a family of dead wolves in my belly buttons. Other mornings, I wake up and I'm hungry as hell. You know what I mean?

I wake up and I'm thinking.. Man, I really want a bowl of mac and cheese! Oh man.. sooo cheese and creamy. Those thoughts make saliva drip out of my eyes, ears, and nose. That's just how hungry I get. I just feel like.. I would do ANYTHING for some mac & cheese. Absolutely anything!

You know what I mean?















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Pana Valley
219th day of 2005
Not sure whether to start in the beginning of my travels, or the end, so I'll start somewhere in the middle. I'll start with the tale of Pana Valley.

Somewhere between Morocco and Algeria, there's a little known place called Pana Valley. In fact, I doubt that you could even find it on the map.

Anyway, I started off my travels with a whole $5 in my pocket. By the time I arrived at PV, I was broke and shoeless. I hadn't had food in about a week, and my breath smelled like shit.

Left with few options, I sold myself into the slave market so that at least I could get some food, shelter, and a few dunkaroos in my wallet. (Dunkaroos was the local currency. It's widely used in the Meandersi Province.)

Ironically, my owner was a poor man. He bought me as a desperate means of saving his failing grape & banana farm. As it turned out, I had a natural talent for g&b breeding, and soon, the business was thriving. Local farms closed down, and we saw our market share grow exponentially.

My owner was very grateful for my help and treated me well. He had to. Though I had asserted my loyalty to him, I could tell he was still worried that I may run away.

One day he approached me and beseeched that I marry his daughter. Of course, I resisted, but he seemed relentless and I was already undeniably in love with her, as she was quite the babe. And so, after a few hours of paddywackeling I consented, and he arranged for our wedding ceremony to be on the very next day.

News broke out instantly, as the media people of PV were always hidden in the foilage and sewage system. This celebration was gonna be huge. My owner, and soon to be in-law father, hired the most famous entertainers in the valley, including Mickey Trump and the Hallucinators.

What should have been the happiest night of my life turned out to be an utter tragedy! You see, our success had earned us lots of dunkaroos and lots of enemies. Ergo, around midnight on the night of my wedding, we were attacked -- by an army of mantaurs.


They ravaged the party, killing anyone in sight. My inebriated father was torn to shreds within seconds. I would have died that night too if it weren't for my quick-minded wife. She tossed me on her back and told me to wrap my arms tightly around her. Then she ran like a Brazilian ostrich. As I soon discovered, my wife was also quite athletic.

Most of the mantaurs were busy destroying our guests, but one caught our escape. It ran after us, howling like a pregnant cow.


The mantaur was breathing down my back for nearly 2 hours. Finally, its endurance began to weaken, and the distance between us started to grow like a German daffodil on a summer day. My wife was panting like a clown on steroids, but I urged her to continue sprinting. We finally stopped when we were sure we had lost that wretched beast.

"Where are we?" I asked. "It looks like some kind of nightmarish forest."

"I have.. no.. idea," she managed to say in between breaths.

Then! we heard a maniacal scream in the distance. It sounded like.. actually, I have no accurate comparison to make.

"Wtf was that?" I whimpered, like a baby gorilla with a mouthful of cavities.

"Oh no," my wife looked me in the eyes and continued, "I know where we are... We are in the Jungle of the Retarded Ninjas."

~~~~
By the way, how do you like the new music I put on my page? I wrote it while studying under the master guitarist and swordsman, ڻګڬڭښڛڄٿڻ.

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hectic lecter
215th day of 2005
Okay, finally, here's an entry worth your while to read. Actually, I'm just kidding. If you want to know the story behind xPPGY, then read on.

~~~~ magical flashback ~~~~

My nose was clogged with parasites when I heard that knock on my door. I knew it, it was Fooninji the blue whale. He had a telegram for me from Papagoya. Here's the actual letter:


As you can see, I sure had my work cut out for me. And so, I went to the travel agency and booked a flight to every destination in the world.

Oh man, do I have stories to share about my travels? I went to the most exotic places you could ever imagine—places that you probably wouldn't even think existed until you heard about them through my words of utmost integrity. I met the Samoan warriors of the Deso-Mesopotamian plains, and drank the blood from the beating hearts. I surfed the high waters with the Dolphins of Danjria. I even caressed the fine cheek of Princess Shana, who ruled the Kingdom of Farz with her Genie of a thousand wishes. But, of course, not all of my travels had been fun and games. Ha and hee. Happiness and the clown. I almost lost my life—nearly 8 dozen times. The pirates of the Sumerian ocean still have bounty on my head.


Well, I guess I'll share my outrageous tales in future entries if you'd like to hear them. Just let me know which tale to start off with.

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The Man of the Sea
206th day of 2005
Most people call me dave, but I'm actually Chinese. Anyway, this post isn't about me. It's about this kid at Cornell.

He was unique in the most undesirable way. He was ugly as hell! Man, this kid was ugly. He literally had the face of a shrimp.


Okay, I'm out. Just had to say that before I went to sleep.

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The Mighty Blister of Fetupia
204th day of 2005
I woke up this morning with a blister the size of Mars on my neck. I'm not even joking. Okay, maybe that was a bit of an exaggeration, but seriously.. this shit was huge!

I had to go to the toolshed in the backwoods to find an old machete to cut this sucker off. I'm not even joking. You probably think I'm crazy for doing that, but if you saw this blister, you would've realized my first and last resort was this machete.

So anyway, when I cut off this puss-filled planet, thousands of fetuses gushed out. Torrents! There were fetuses of humans, of pigs, of leprechauns, oh dear goomph, even of Brazilian ostriches. I'm not even joking!

Twenty years later, these fetuses have all developed into mature human beings, even the pigs. They formed a society fostered on the principles of equality, transformation, and I'm not even joking. Their first president, Dr. Dokktir Ducktarr, was a man who spoke with great conviction. I had the pleasure of attending his inauguration. His first words were "I am not a real doctor," and I believe him. The integrity in his voice was just undeniable. I'm not even joking. It was undeniable. Undeniable!

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