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I'm tired of living here. I'm tired of my job.

I have my good days, but once again they seem to be few and far between.

I'm enjoying the rain and the cold and the complete lack of sun. But that can only make me so happy when I'm trapped in an environment that is normally barren and dry.

I'm tired of not knowing who I am or what I want to do with my life.

I'm just tired of it all.

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I'm lacking in motivation today. I just want to stay in bed the whole day. You know what the only problem I see with this is? I'll have trouble getting to sleep before work tonight. And even that's not a very big problem. I'll just go to work tired and sleep when I get home tomorrow. It's not like I have shit to do anyway.

The mood I'm in today is not a good one. I'm not completely uncaring, but it's pretty damn close.

I see absolutely nothing good that will come from today. I'm broke, bored, alone and frustrated. Not a good combination. Which is probably why I'm completely unmotivated. I feel like if I do go out, it either won't be worth it because nothing interesting or worthwhile will occur. Or something completely fucked up will happen and I'll feel even more like shit afterward.

I'm not happy right now. I'm moody and likely to snap at anything. You know what makes this worse? It's not even a debate whether to turn my phone off to avoid people because no one is going to call me. No one ever calls me. At least not anyone that I'd care to talk to. And when they do call, it's either conversations that last 2 minutes or less or they have nothing good to say.

I've wanted to be reckless over the last few days, but my lack of motivation is even keeping me from wanting to do that. I'm just not seeing the point. I'm giving up. For today at least. The whole day I'm just going to remain in this mood. You know what? Yes, part of me is actually wanting to stay this way today. I'm purposely going to keep my attitude like this.

Fuck the world. At least for today.

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It's just a random thought that popped into my head just now.

Anywho, my sister just had an ultrasound done yesterday and I have a few pictures that I'd like to share. We found out she's having a boy.



You can view the rest in my gallery.

I'm feeling better. Still am kind of sniffling and the cough that comes with it, but other than that, I feel fine.

I wanted to go for a late night drive last weekend, but since I was sick I couldn't. Perhaps this weekend I'll be able to make that late night drive happen.

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For those of you who have been working for at least a couple years, preferably longer, have you ever had to call in because you were too sick to go in and work that day?

Would you be able to afford to do that today?

I know I sure as hell can't. Back in the day, it wasn't too much of an issue to call out here or there, once or twice a year, because I could afford it back then.

I'm barely living on my 40-hour-a-week paychecks. How in the world would I be able to afford to take a day off just so I could sit at home and do nothing?

I understand that I won't get better as fast if I go in and work, but it's either that or I don't pay my electric bill or my gas bill for the month. It's not that easy anymore.

Stupid economy. I can't even afford to get sick for a day anymore. Let alone the few days that I've already been sick.

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I'm sick.

It sucks.

End.



{yeah ... that's how I feel right now; it's not necessarily in that particular order}

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