I layed down earlier around 2:30pm for a short nap. I didn't get up until just before 2:30am.

Now, I wasn't asleep the whole 12 hours, but each time I came into consciousness, I wasn't there for very long. Long enough to glance at the time, read any text messages I happened to receive and doze back off. Each time I came to, though, I just didn't feel like getting up. So I didn't.

I kind of feel like I wasted my entire day away. I didn't have plans to do anything anyway {the one plan I did have was canceled on me ...} but I still feel like I missed out on the possibility of a potential event happening. Oh well. Nothing I can do about it now.

I doubt I'll be doing that again any time soon. And what's sad is that I don't feel any more rest than I normally do after sleeping for only 4 or 5 hours. Whatever.

I've been rather inactive recently. Sorry guys. I promise that once this down period passes, I'll be back. But like I said in my last one, I have no idea when it'll pass.

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I was going to complain about how I feel, but I'm lacking so much in motivation that I don't even feel up to doing that.

When will this depression pass?

And don't say "when you let it" because that'll just piss me off.

I need to find a new addiction. Something productive. I need to do a lot of things. I need to actually start working on doing those things that I need to do.

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There's no chance of going back. That's becoming made very clear to me.

The question becomes, what now?

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I find myself asking the question "why" an awful lot. And very rarely do I ever get answers.

Sometimes I'll get answers, but it won't be the one I want to hear. At that point, it is up to me to accept the answer that I've been given and move on. Do I? Not really.

Certain things are predictable. Yet it's still bothersome. I just sit back and wait for the inevitable, yet when it comes, I'm still affected by it.

I try to understand things, but I'm not always successful. When someone tells me to just give up after I've been trying for a while to understand something, it makes me want to understand it that much more. And the fact that people seem to like to show that they have no faith in something I tell them I'm going to do, pushes me to want to do it that much more. Just to spite them.

Ugh. I have a good week and then the weekend comes and things start to go to shit again. I don't look forward to the weekends anymore. I don't look forward to work days either. What is there to look forward to? Leaving this place.

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There's a certain thrill about getting your car up to 101mph.

In the dark.

In the rain.

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This week has been a fairly good week. It started out slow, but the rain on Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday ...

The fact that it's been raining off and on {moreso on than off} this whole week has made me happy. It's kept me in a pretty decent mood for the whole week.

It's a shame it has to end tomorrow. Who knows when we'll get rain again after this. And I doubt very much that the next time it rains here it won't be for a solid, straight week.

Anywho, I need to get some sleep for work tomorrow. I'm glad it's Friday. I'm sad the rain is ending. Hope all is well with the other NuTangers!

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