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Memores acti prudentes futuri

You're unsure if I am a loose end or a strand
that waits for you to mend or understand
A few words
"When we describe the Moon as dead, we are describing the deadness in ourselves. When we find space so hideously void, we are describing our own unbearable emptiness."
~ D.H. Lawrence

"Is the meaning of life defined by its duration? Or does life have a purpose so large that it doesn't have to be prolonged at any cost to preserve its meaning?"

"Living is not good, but living well. The wise man, therefore, lives as well as he should, not as long as he can... He will always think of life in terms of quality not quantity... Dying early or late is of no relevance, dying well or ill is... even if it is true that while there is life there is hope, life is not to be bought at any cost."
~ Seneca

"People will tell you nothing matters, the whole world's about to end soon anyway. Those people are looking at life the wrong way. I mean, things don't need to last forever to be perfect."
~ Daydream Nation

"All Bette's stories have happy endings. That's because she knows where to stop. She's realized the real problem with stories-- if you keep them going long enough, they always end in death."
~ The Sandman: Preludes & Nocturnes

"The road now stretched across open country, and it occurred to me - not by way of protest, not as a symbol, or anything like that, but merely as a novel experience - that since I had disregarded all laws of humanity, I might as well disregard the rules of traffic. So I crossed to the left side of the highway and checked the feeling, and the feeling was good. It was a pleasant diaphragmal melting, with elements of diffused tactility, all this enhanced by the thought that nothing could be nearer to the elimination of basic physical laws than deliberately driving on the wrong site of the road."
~ Vladimir Nabokov, Lolita

"It is easier to forgive an enemy than to forgive a friend."
~ William Blake
Online Radio

More Fun Shtuff
Newgrounds Audio Portal
Kill that boredom!
Binder Paper Comics

Web Comics and Such
A Distant Soil (Some nudity)
The Adventures of Gyno-Star (Some explicit stuff)
Axe Cop
Basic Instructions
Bear Nuts

Blue Milk Special
Cigarro & Cerveja
Crunchy Bunches

Curia Regis
Cyanide and Happiness
dead winter (has some explicit stuff)
Devilbear: The Grimoires of Bearalzebub (PG-13?)
Diesel Sweeties
Eat That Toast!
The End
Evil Diva
Evil Inc.
Existential Comics
The Fancy Adventures of Jack Cannon
For Lack of a Better Comic
Forming (Explicit)

Girls with Slingshots (some explicit stuff...?)
The Last Halloween
Last Train to Old Town
The League of Evil Genius

Legend of Bill
Living With Insanity (some nudity)
Love Me Nice
Married to the Sea
Meaty Yogurt
Medium Large
The Meek
The Moon Prince
Moth (Some nudity)
Mr. Lovenstein
Muddlers Beat

Natalie Dee
The Non-Adventures of Wonderella
Out There
Owen's Uncles
Phuzzy Comics
Political Cartoonists Index
Poorly Drawn Lines
The Property of Hate
Red Meat
Rice Boy
Robbie and Bobby
Rosscott, Inc.
Safely Endangered
Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Savage Chickens
Scary Go Round
Scenes from a Multiverse
The Secret Knots
Serenity Rose
Stand Still. Stay Silent
Stinking Hellebore
Strong Female Protagonist
Tales of Pylea
Three Word Phrase (some nudity)
Tiny Kitten Teeth
Toothpaste for Dinner
Trying Human (Some nudity)
Two Guys and Guy

Wilde Life
Yellow Peril (PG-13)

Infrequently/No Longer Updating Web Comics
The Abominable Charles Christopher
The Adventures of Dr. McNinja
The Adventures of Ellie Connelly
American Hell
Bag of Toast
Bear in Mind
The Book of Biff
Camp Weedonwantcha
Chain Bear (Some explicit stuff)
Conspiracy Friends!
Daisy is Dead
Dream Life
Dumm Comics
Ectopiary (Some nudity)
Edmund Finney's Quest to Find the Meaning of Life
A Fine Example
Finn and Charlie are HITCHED

Green Wake
Gun Show
Hark! A Vagrant
Head Doctor Productions
Hello with Cheese
Helpful Figures
Hollow Mountain
IDK Comics
Inscribing Ardi
The Intrepid Girlbot
JBabb Comics
Kyle & Atticus
Lesbian Pirates from Outer Space
Letters to a Wild Boar
Lovecraft is Missing

Meat and Plastic
Minimalism Sucks
Moon Town
The Nerds of Paradise
No Reason Comics
One Swoop Fell
Pictures for Sad Children
Raymondo Person
A Redtail's Dream
Roy's Boys (PG 13?)
Run Freak Run
Saint's Way
Sin Titulo
Split Lip
Spooky Doofus
Super Buzzkill
The Super Fogeys
The Super Gay Adventures of Ross Boston
Ugly Girl
2815 Monument

Pure Flash Awesomeness
Angry Alien
Die Anstalt : Toy Psychiatry
The Frown

Clients from Hell
Brian Despain
Creatures in My Head
Damn You Auto Correct!
Jhonen Vasquez's site
Overheard in New York
Passive Aggressive Notes
Saturday, December 24, 2011
Everyone gives him their name, except for me. I'm shy, I don't feel comfortable letting him know what my real name is.

It turns out that my shyness is my savior, because once he has their names, he has complete power over them. He has us come over one by one, to make sure he has control. I play along, so he won't suspect anything. I have to move like them, I have to have the same blank stare as them as he instructs us.

I can't tell if we're in a normal classroom or Hell. Everything looks warm, but it doesn't feel like it.

He takes out a small stapler and begins pushing the staples into a girl's face. Her skin stretches and sags, and it swells and almost looks like it's melting. The staples he's putting in her are destroying the nerves under her skin or something like that. She's standing perfectly still, and it's horrifying to watch, but I don't know what to do.


The teacher tells us she's just going to give out the answers to the test and then come back later. The test won't be graded, she says. I don't feel right about looking at the answers, but everyone else copies them eagerly.

The first answer is "ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ"... I write it down in the blank space below the question before my unease prevents me from writing the others.

When she comes back, it turns out she tricked us. She grades all the tests, and many people get negative scores... I get a 6 out of 25, which is sadly one of the higher scores. The first question, when I look at it, says:

"What letter comes next? A B C D _"

I realize the idiocy of my mistake and smack myself for not reading the questions more closely.

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My parents
Thursday, December 22, 2011
Mom: Oh, uh, PAMF called to make sure you were doing okay.
Dad: Were you talking to me?
Mom: Yeah, PAMF called to check up on you.
Dad: Oh, the medical center?
Mom: Yeah.
Dad: "I'm sorry, he died."

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Tuesday, December 20, 2011
Feeling conflicted. Again. Surprise surprise.

I'm not... doing things right. But I can't want to do them right. I've hit almost total apathy and I just don't care, although I'm near certain I will regret these things later on.

Besides that, I think I will be participating in a study soon. They tell me they don't see any reason I shouldn't be eligible for it, based on a few psychiatric interviews. The only problem is that I don't have a formal diagnosis/medical record of depression. I haven't really ever seen a psychiatrist except for that one time at St. John's, and that dude just ran through a checklist real fast and told me I should consider medication. Whatevs, man.

I never used to have any issues with taking meds. But then, y'know, I heard so much about how they can change you, make you a different person... Take away your feeling, sometimes. If I don't have any feeling right now anyway, I don't know if it'd matter.

(Side note: I'm usually an INFP, but I test as an INTJ when I'm this apathetic. Very weird.)

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Saturday, December 17, 2011
I just signed into my account at the Stanford Blood Center. In the top left corner, there's a thing that says what your blood type is.

Mine is B+. My first thought when I glanced at that was "WHAT DID I DO WRONG?"

So now I feel kind of stupid for getting my blood type mixed up with my grades.

It's kind of weird to see my health history on the blood donation site. My last donation was in June, so it's been awhile since I donated, but a few things have changed noticeably. :S

June: 176
December: 193 (Wtf??? This is close to the cutoff level for being too high)

June: 76
December: 66 (I'm not sure if this is good or bad?)

Blood pressure:
June: 118/70
December: 102/78 (The woman who measured this said it seemed really low?)

Granted, when I donated a few days ago I hadn't really eaten or drunk, nor slept very much, but would that have affected my numbers that much...? I don't know a lot about these things. :/

Besides that, I'm feeling kind of restless and... unhappy? Irritable? I'm not sure, but it's not good.


In other news, I hear the Iraq war is over. So... that's something. Are we out of Afghanistan as well? The article I read didn't specify. But anyway... um... yay? I'm not sure what this will mean for the U.S. Those veterans are going to have a hard time finding jobs...


I don't know why I'm feeling like this but I really want to punch someone in the face.

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More pictures already?! [2P]
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
Be it extremely emotional, controversial, messed up, or whatever, this entry has been password protected.

If you know it, enter it; or, ask me for it.

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I have been neglecting my camera [DP]
Tuesday, December 13, 2011
Be it extremely emotional, controversial, messed up, or whatever, this entry has been password protected.

If you know it, enter it; or, ask me for it.

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6:40 AM
Monday, December 12, 2011


I don't know what's going on with my moods. I've been feeling like complete crap the past few days and I don't so far today. It's not even seven yet. I guess my mood might drop by the end of the day, though. We'll see. For now... more of this.

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Sunday, December 11, 2011

Maybe if I drink enough happy tea I won't do something I regret.

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