the index card
Location lubbock, TX
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just a jumble
Thursday. 9.9.04 5:56 pm
Tennis. Do you have any idea how much it sucks to suck at tennis? When everyone in your tennis class is, like, awsome. Today, though, for the first time, I got it over the net, actually played out the point. Didn't swipe at it, but miss, for once. Stupid bad hand-eye-corridation.
It's really my parents' fault. They moved me to the middle of nowhere, where they don't have soccor fields, basketball goals, tennis courts, gyms, pools, anything! How was I supposed to do sports if I only knew them as something vague, something dream-like. So, what was I supposed to do?
Well, I had the 'Secret Game.' It was only secret cuz I didn't tell anyone about it. My only-childness led me to play on the farm, at church, at the jungle gym, in the bathtub, anywhere, my secret game. Kinda like a TV show, or a movie. I would start where I left off, pretty much. And, I guess, for a kindergardener, that was pretty good. Only thing was, this went on till fourth grade. That's how sad it was. I had pretty much no friends in my sad little town of 400.
But then I moved. Or, switched schools. Over to Preston Smith. Yup. The one in Lubbock. My parents tell everyone it's because they both worked in town. Not true. Cuz I was soooo unpopular. That's why I got moved over. And, for the first semester of 5th grade, I guess I was still unpopular. But I had friends at least. And now, in actual Jr. High, and not retarded little elem., I have the best friends I could hope for. I have more than I can count. At Irons and at OL, too. Not just my school, but alot of schools. Hutch, Mackenzie, all these places. And I love my buds. I couldn't live without them.
That's why it scared me. The rumor. The couple of rumors. That Evan was gonna kill himself. That Will cut himself. Just rumors. Nothing more. But I was still scared. I still cried at night.
And now there's another rumor. Started by Sarah. And the rumor is... Sarah hates her life. That she duzn't find it worth living. And Sarah's my best friend. Isn't it strange, that the three people the rumors were about were about my best friends? Three of the people I most couldn't live without. And last night, me and Will were so scared.
Sarah scared us. Said that this was it. That she was ending it that night. That nothing could stop her. I was so scared. More scared then the time she said she was gonna run away and not come back. She came back that time. And nothing happened this time. I called her, and she was like, 'Oh, I was just kidding.' But I don't believe her. And I'm scared. And I don't know what to do.
I think about quitting it all, sometimes. But then, I think about how me and Will felt last night. About how me and Ali felt when the rumor about Evan was going around.
And I forget it. There's no way I would do that to my friends. After all they put me threw like that, sure, I sometimes want them to know what it's like. But I couldn't do that. Not to them.
Becuz, in choir, me and Ali were crying so bad. We thought it was our fault. Everyone wanted to know why we were crying, but we wouldn't tell. Wendy got pissed off at us, cuz we wouldn't tell.
Choir's gotta be the best class, tying with Science. You should have been there today. But, it's kinda sad. Ali's mad at Wendy cuz Will likes Wendy, and everyone Ali likes, ends up liking Will. Think about it, same happens with me. The only time Ali wasn't grumpy, was cuz we were high. Yup. I mean, we didn't do it on purpuse. But, we were listining to a Soprano singer, and I was like, 'Oh, yea, I can go high like that,' and I started sniffing the high lighter. I mean, the cap was on and all, but there are wholes in the lid, letting the fumes through. We were laughing at the most retarded things, Wendy and Ali and Kate and me. It was so much fun.
That's the first time I've ever gotten high before. I can see why people like it so much, but I had a killer headache afterwards. I'll only do that when I'm really sad.
See, I was sad. Cuz, I don't know, Will's my best friend. Really. I couldn't live without him, Sarah, Evan, or Taylor B, the most, out of all my friends. And Wendy's not good enough for him. I know she's not. I don't think [I]anyone's[/I] quite good enough for him, except for Sarah. I can't get over that they broke up. I don't know why, except for different schools. I really don't want him to ask out Wendy. I couldn't stand it. I mean, I don't think Wendy would even let me be high five buds with him, me or Kendra.
And I mean, I don't think Wendy even knows Will. I don't think she knows him when she's hyper. When he's sad. She doesn't know how to comfort him like Sarah and me do. Nothing.
Maybe I'm just bitching cuz I want Will to stay single, open, my best friend. I don't want him to be taken by someone who said 'faggit' for the first time in her life today, who seems like she's changing for Will, when Will doesn't want anyone changing for him.
And I know that's an awful way of viewing it. I know I'm being a snob and a bitch like I was in the summer of '03, all sad cuz I was losing my best friend. All possesive and shit.
Yea, I'm being like that agian. But, you know, there ain't nothing I couldn't stand worse than this. Ok, so maybe I like Will. But I love him, too. Like family.
And I'll sure miss him when he and Wendy start going out.
you'd best believe it, too!
Wednesday. 9.8.04 9:53 pm
GO OL! WE ROCK! YAY!!!!!!!! WE KICKED IRONS' BUTTSES SOOOOOO BAD!
Oh, it was great. 42-7. We rock!
And you'd best believe it, too!
Tuesday. 9.7.04 4:53 pm
Don't you hate it when people openly stare at you. People were staring at me today. Guys. I hope they were starring cuz they thought I was hott, not cuz I had something hanging off my nose.
Maybe it was my outfit. I thought it was really cute. A pink skirt over jeans. The belt was a maroon tie that I just tied in a knot. I wore a pink-over-white spaggeti straps shirt, and a button up white shirt over that, that was only buttoned on the very last button. And maroon flip flops. Tell me if that sounds bad. Actually, I'll post a pic later. But I don't think I looked wierd.
Well, anyways, Will's my high-five buddy now. =]] Everytime I see him I hold out my hand to give him a high-five, and he gives me a high-five. =] That's our high-five system. Only after that can we say anything but 'Hey, Will/Hannah!' lol.
I'm going to the game tomorow. Get to see my Irons buds! Woooo! Yes, I know, Irons will kick our buttses, but I will be there supporting Josh, Scott, Cody, Will, and Parker. No, I will not support Irons. Just talk to my Irons buds.=] And I'll get to see Blane! =* lol
Well, my head hurts now. Cuz Evan threw a plastic boat at it yesterday. lol
Saturday. 9.4.04 11:36 pm
My life is soooo confusing. Today was the family reunion. Things that happened:
1] A wreck
2] A fire
3] Me being called 'Loser-Head' by a five-year-old
Wasn't involved in the wreck, the oven caught on fire, and a stuck up brat called me "Loser-Head". lol. Aren't family reunions fun? haha
Well, Imma sick Blane on Alex if she calls me Loser-Head agian or if she tries to run over my toes w/her bike. lol.
i love football
Friday. 9.3.04 7:57 pm
Perfect. Completely perfect. Kinda. Well, I love football. I love OL football. Who cares if our team sucks? I don't. =]]
Oh, and we got the house in L****k!
Well, I went to the OL game agianst Hutch [yea we lost] and I took Ali and Wendy. We saw Will, who brought a friend, who's name was Blane, who goes to Mckenzie. Well, while everyone was mobbing Will [Ali, Kendra, Anna, some obsessed girls], me and Wendy were hanging out with Blane and I started liking him and well... I told him. After the game he gave me a hug. And then on aim Will said Blane liked me so all day today I was soooooo happy. And then he just asked me out and I was soooooooooo happy and all =]!!!!
And yesterday we were takin Ali and Wendy home and we detoured over to the house and I was like, 'You know, it would be funny if we Scott over here cuz he lives over here.' And then, guess who we saw? Yep, Scott! lol
Only problem of the last two days were:
Sarah thinks her life isn't worth living.
I hate tennis. >=l
Wednesday. 9.1.04 10:38 pm
Me and Ali have made an agreement. We
1) Won't get in a fight if Will ends up liking one of us
2) Will get mad if Wendy makes fun of us for liking someone one more time
3) Will give Will comments
What are comments, you ask?
It all started Sunday. Ali came to youth with me, and we went across to the Tech campus. So, I was like, 'We should walk up to Evan and you be like, 'Do you have a comment?' and we'll look at eachother and both be like, 'No comment.'.' And so we did. But, first, we saw some really really really really really really really really FINE collage guys. And so I was like, 'Ali, do you have a comment?' and we looked at eachother and were like, 'I have many comments!!!' lol. Well, tomorow we're gonna walk by Will and Ali's gonna be like, 'Hannah, do you have a comment?' and I'm gonna look at Will, then at her, and we're gonna say, 'Lots and lots of comments!' lol. Seriously. Will is sooooooooo hott! And I do like him. But also, I love him like family, too. I don't know what I would do without him. Life wouldn't be the same. And he's on Shade of Red show choir, which is really really hard for seventh graders to get into, so that means he's got an awsome voice! Who cares if it's kinda high?!?!
The song in the module on the side, although, yes, it is about someone wanting to commit suicide but won't because they love someone to much, I came up with the first line thinking about tennis. lol
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