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Memores acti prudentes futuri


She said it was all make believe
but I thought she said maple leaves
A few words
"When we describe the Moon as dead, we are describing the deadness in ourselves. When we find space so hideously void, we are describing our own unbearable emptiness."
―D.H. Lawrence

"Is the meaning of life defined by its duration? Or does life have a purpose so large that it doesn't have to be prolonged at any cost to preserve its meaning?"

"Living is not good, but living well. The wise man, therefore, lives as well as he should, not as long as he can... He will always think of life in terms of quality not quantity... Dying early or late is of no relevance, dying well or ill is... even if it is true that while there is life there is hope, life is not to be bought at any cost."
―Seneca

"People will tell you nothing matters, the whole world's about to end soon anyway. Those people are looking at life the wrong way. I mean, things don't need to last forever to be perfect."
―Daydream Nation

"All Bette's stories have happy endings. That's because she knows where to stop. She's realized the real problem with stories― if you keep them going long enough, they always end in death."
―The Sandman: Preludes & Nocturnes

"The road now stretched across open country, and it occurred to me - not by way of protest, not as a symbol, or anything like that, but merely as a novel experience - that since I had disregarded all laws of humanity, I might as well disregard the rules of traffic. So I crossed to the left side of the highway and checked the feeling, and the feeling was good. It was a pleasant diaphragmal melting, with elements of diffused tactility, all this enhanced by the thought that nothing could be nearer to the elimination of basic physical laws than deliberately driving on the wrong site of the road."
― Vladimir Nabokov, Lolita
TICoSME
Musicalities!
Online Radio
Soma.fm

More Fun Shtuff
Newgrounds Audio Portal
Pandora
SoundClick
Kill that boredom!
Binder Paper Comics

Web Comics and Such
A Distant Soil (Some nudity)
The Adventures of Gyno-Star (Some explicit stuff)
Aquapunk
Axe Cop
Basic Instructions
Bear Nuts
Beeserker

Blue Milk Special
Bobbins
Broodhollow
Bug
Buttersafe
Camp Weedonwantcha
Chainsawsuit
ChannelATE
Cigarro & Cerveja
Conspiracy Friends!
Crunchy Bunches

Curia Regis
Cyanide and Happiness
dead winter (has some explicit stuff)
Devilbear: The Grimoires of Bearalzebub (PG-13?)
Diesel Sweeties
Distillum
DUBBLEBABY
Dumm Comics
Eat That Toast!
Ectopiary (Some nudity)
E-merl.com
The End
Evil Diva
Evil Inc.
Existential Comics
The Fancy Adventures of Jack Cannon
For Lack of a Better Comic
Forming (Explicit)

Girls with Slingshots (some explicit stuff...?)
Mirror
Hark! A Vagrant
Head Doctor Productions
Hollow Mountain
IDK Comics
Inscribing Ardi
The Intrepid Girlbot
JBabb Comics
The Last Halloween
Last Train to Old Town
L.A.W.L.S.
The League of Evil Genius

Legend of Bill
Living With Insanity (some nudity)
Love Me Nice
Married to the Sea
Meaty Yogurt
Medium Large
The Meek
Metacarpolis
Monsterhood
Monsterkind
The Moon Prince
Moon Town
Moth (Some nudity)
Mr. Lovenstein
Muddlers Beat

Natalie Dee
Nedroid
The Non-Adventures of Wonderella
Optipess
Out There
Phuzzy Comics
P.I. Jane
Political Cartoonists Index
Poorly Drawn Lines
Powernap
The Property of Hate
Red Meat
Rice Boy
Robbie and Bobby
Rosscott, Inc.
Safely Endangered
Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Savage Chickens
Scenes from a Multiverse
The Secret Knots
Serenity Rose
Stand Still. Stay Silent
Stinking Hellebore
Strong Female Protagonist
Subnormality
The Super Fogeys
Tales of Pylea
Three Word Phrase (some nudity)
Tiny Kitten Teeth
Toothpaste for Dinner
Trying Human (Some nudity)
Two Guys and Guy
Mirror

Witchy
xkcd
Yellow Peril (PG-13)

Infrequently/No Longer Updating Web Comics
The Abominable Charles Christopher
The Adventures of Dr. McNinja
The Adventures of Ellie Connelly
American Hell
Bag of Toast
Bear in Mind
Bobwhite
The Book of Biff
Brat-halla
Brightest
Bullfinch
Chain Bear (Some explicit stuff)
Daisy is Dead
Dream Life
Edemia
Edmund Finney's Quest to Find the Meaning of Life
A Fine Example
Finn and Charlie are HITCHED
Floodmud
Freaks!

Green Wake
Gun Show
Hello with Cheese
Helpful Figures
Intragalactic
Kyle & Atticus
Lesbian Pirates from Outer Space
Letters to a Wild Boar
Lovecraft is Missing

Manta-man
Meat and Plastic
Minimalism Sucks
Mis-
Moe
The Nerds of Paradise
Nimona
No Reason Comics
Odd-Fish
One Swoop Fell
Owen's Uncles
Patches
Pictures for Sad Children
Raymondo Person
A Redtail's Dream

Riotfish
Roy's Boys (PG 13?)
Run Freak Run
Saint's Way
Shortpacked!
Sin Titulo
Snowflakes
Split Lip
Spooky Doofus
SubCulture
Super Buzzkill
The Super Gay Adventures of Ross Boston
Thermohalia
Troubletown
Ugly Girl
YU + ME
2815 Monument

Pure Flash Awesomeness
Aardvardkbutter.com
Angry Alien
Die Anstalt : Toy Psychiatry
The Frown
Hoogerbrugge

Other
Bogleech
Clients from Hell
Brian Despain
Creatures in My Head
Damn You Auto Correct!
Jhonen Vasquez's site
Overheard in New York
Passive Aggressive Notes
Submarinechannel.com
Superdickery
UHpinions
Whirled
Looky here
free counters
More dreaming
Monday, November 8, 2010
I dreamt I was walking along a sunny sidewalk in a deserted suburban neighborhood.

I needed an umbrella.

There was a store at the end of a path bordered by gardens, so I went inside to look for umbrellas. I saw a lot of cheap ones so I tried to find one that would last longer. There was a sign with the brand name "Unbreakable" on it, with some umbrellas in a basket. I took one and paid for it.

The cashier gave me a five dollar bill as my change.

I glanced around at the rest of the store, whose stocks had become import materials while I was occupied with paying for my item. Nothing looked very interesting, so I walked through the next room and out onto a sunny patio.

There were a few people seated at the round metal tables outside. Suddenly I saw a dollar bill being blown around, and made to catch it. Over and over again it eluded my grasp as it flew from ground to rafter to tabletop to chair, swirling as it went. It changed from a single dollar to a five, then a hundred, then a hundred thousand dollar bill. The five had Billy Mays's face instead of Abraham Lincoln's.

Finally I caught the bill, which had gone through many changes but stuck to being worth five dollars when it touched my fingertips. It had a picture of a smug comic-esque cowboy holding a gun. I got the impression that it had purposely been toying with me.

I went back inside and the shop was in New York. The ceiling was very high, and seemed to be selling dried fruit. Casey came in and we exchanged words of our delight and surprise at seeing each other there. I asked how she was doing, and she gave me details about her life and cooking and apartments. I had nothing to respond with.

We were going to leave, I think, but I woke up.

---

I think my conscious thoughts have been bleeding into my dreams lately, in a more noticeable manner than usual.

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Thursday and Friday, in short
Saturday, November 6, 2010
Thursday:

I went to school an hour early to check out the club expo, which turned out to be... pretty small. There weren't any clubs I wanted to join so I signed up to be a marrow donor at the booth that was there instead...

I won't lie; I was somewhat inspired after reading Zanzibar's entry about the same thing. One of the guys at the booth gave me a little speech about saving children's lives, but it wasn't really necessary since I wanted to sign up anyway.

I also made a friend in class, I think/hope... And my friend with Crohn's Disease got out of the hospital/received the picture Alice and I drew for him.


Oh, lastly, the Mexican club or whatever had a bunch of people dancing around in feather headdresses and stuff and for some reason it made me super emotional. I'm gonna blame girl hormones for this one. Man, sometimes I really wish my ovaries had faces so I could punch them there.


Friday:

Worked with Alice more on our project... I had really envisioned it as a small little thing we would just do for fun, but it seems to be getting bigger and bigger. X| The collaboration is helping me learn how to explain things I've always known intuitively, so that's good. When we get some more done I might post a few pictures... we'll see.

---Edit---



Do you know how a lost heart fears
The thought of reminiscing
And how lips that taste of tears
Lose their taste for kissing?

You don't know how hearts burn
For love that cannot live yet never dies
Until you've faced each dawn with sleepless eyes
You don't know what love is

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Tiny glass knives
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
Did I just quote a flash cartoon in my title? Why yes, yes I did.

I rolled my bike out of the garage today and set up the kickstand on the sidewalk, then ran into the garage to hit the switch that closes the garage door. Ran out again to discover my bike on its side. I guess it was the angle it was at or something that made it fall over...

Anyway, my glass water bottle, which was on the side of my messenger bag (which was in the basket on the side the bike fell on), shattered. Really, really shattered. It got cold water all over the sidewalk, as well as fun little shards of glass in my water bottle pocket. :/

I didn't want to go to school with a pretty badly smashed water bottle (which could double as a weapon...) so I tried to empty the pieces into the trash bin. Since the top of the pocket has elastic on it, that didn't work. I then tried to pick up the big pieces and throw them out, in the hopes that the small ones were just being blocked by their larger counterparts. This I did with my bare hands.

Lemme tell ya folks, your parents were right when they told you not to handle broken glass with your bare hands. I didn't get majorly slashed open or anything, but some of the little tiny bits stuck in my left hand and I had to pick them out. (When I say tiny I mean like, "pencil lead" tiny. Not "sunflower seed" tiny.)

I was in a bit of a hurry to get to class, so this whole episode lasted about... oh... five minutes? I was a little bummed about it because it meant I had no cold water to drink when I got to class, and now I need to get a new water bottle in general.

Otherwise though, my day has been fairly okay I guess. Class was uneventful unless you count being mildly frightened by a cockroach when we were doing a group discussion. I went to the counseling center to talk about transferring, and after talking a bit my counselor told me to go see what English classes I was eligible for over at Testing. Well, I went there and the woman told me that if I didn't know what English classes I wanted to take they couldn't help me, and she didn't know why the counselors kept sending students over with that problem. X|

It's all fine though. This will get worked out.

And now... I have to read for Children's Lit. Yayyyyyy...

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Halloweenings I guess [2P]
Monday, November 1, 2010
Be it extremely emotional, controversial, messed up, or whatever, this entry has been password protected.

If you know it, enter it; or, ask me for it.

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Pear bread
Friday, October 29, 2010
I made pear bread today from THIS RECIPE.

Since I diced my pears instead of slicing them thinly, there are soft chunks spread throughout the loaves.


I also made a mini loaf, which unfortunately didn't hold together because I tried to get it out of the baking dish too early. :P

Didn't matter though, because it still tasted awesome. This is what's left:

(Enlarged to show detail, of course)

I really like the way this came out. I only had to use one bowl and one spoon to mix it all in, so the cleanup was pretty straightforward. (I don't count the knife I used to cut the pears or the measuring cups/spoons because those are negligible)

I've been meaning to write a story for old times' sake and do a few other things, but I haven't really started anything yet. One of these days, I guess. X|

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Destinations and ideas
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
So I'm in one of those moods where I've got an idea and it seems completely awesome, so I end up dedicating myself to it completely (and feverishly) for awhile.

I don't like it here, as I may have mentioned before.

I miss New York. Actually, mostly I just miss having stuff to do and places to go. I can't do anything here so most of the time I just hang around at home. By myself. In a fat metaphorical puddle of sadness.

ANYWAY, I'm thinking about going back to New York for school. Strangely enough I miss the college environment. (Actually I miss having friends; that might be it)

I'm looking into The New School. I don't remember what didn't appeal to me about it the last time I considered it, but right now it looks good. I figure I could probably major in Creative Writing and perhaps become a children's author?

If I can remain committed to this idea then I might actually be motivated to not become a hobo and die in a gutter somewhere!

It's strange, comparing how excited I feel right now to what I view as my "normal" disposition... which is to say rather depressed and resigned.

BUT HEY MAYBE I HAVE A FUTURE AFTER ALL!? Crazy stuff. We shall see. I'm hoping this doesn't fizzle out like it did when I thought being a kindergarten teacher would be absolutely freaking amazing.

---Edit---

I'm wondering if this ridiculously excited state has anything to do with exhaustion? I feel like running around and laughing and generally doing things.

When she was good, she was very very good,
But when she was bad, she was horrid.

That'll be me in a nutshell.

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Dropped into the midst
Sunday, October 24, 2010
"What do you think?" she asks me. She's wearing a satiny purple nightie with lace on the edges. I tell her I think it looks good. She's a little anxious about it but I give her an encouraging smile and tell her to go.

"I like it," she says. "I think it looks really mech."

Intuitively I know she means it's reminiscent of combat machines, the kind that only exist in movies and fiction. But she's right, of course. It is very mech.

She exits the room, closing the door, and walks to where he's sitting on the sofa pull-out bed. I think to myself that of course it must only be natural that he'd move onto her once he broke up with her daughter. They're all around the same age anyway. Still, I feel a little off inside, knowing what once was. Thinking about looks and smiles that aren't mine anymore.

I don't know who this woman is, or her daughter. They just exist, and they have existed. I am only visiting their home.

"Mech?" he texts me.

"Just tell her she's sexy" I reply. I think about the words coming out of his mouth and the off feeling turns to sickness. What's done is done though, and it's over for me.


---

I don't know what to make of these dreams.

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The wrong kind of thinking that still feels right
Saturday, October 23, 2010


Do I need that kind of survival on my record to be taken seriously?

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