Today has been quite lovely as I woke up and read Curtain by Agatha Christie and then I was walking around suspiciously and wondering about people's true thoughts and trying to remember things I happen to notice which may be of importance later. So then I read this Animorph's book, because the Animorphs are awesome, and then I started reading this metaphysical book about capturing the essence of Intention that is a part of the Source of All Power in the Universe and using it to get everything you want (while I was fixing myself a delicious crunchy peanut-butter and grape jelly sandwhich). In the summary on the jacket, it said, "You cannot even begin to comprehend the ways in which this book will impact you..." and I remembered Mr. Engel and how he cursed anyone who used "impact" in a way that did not mean "to physically collide with" because he insisted that the other usage was absolutely incorrect. So at that moment I tried to comprehend the myriad of different ways that the book could impact me... perhaps flying up into my chin with a resounding WHACK! or sneakily throwing itself in an arc to crack the back of my skull! or maybe coming at me with its pages still spread wide in an attempt to sandwich my startled face in its leafy jaws.... He was absolutely right. I couldn't even comprehend the ways in which this book could impact me. So I started cracking up in my empty kitchen in my empty house. I felt like I was laughing at some socially inappropriate time, like while reading an essay prompt or during sentence correction in the SATs, when you dorkily find something humorous about the sentences and laugh aloud and everyone else thinks you are crazy.
But how can I help it? Everything seems particularly funny today. I should just quit all this reading and go do something very unfunny, like packing my things for school. Haha. hahahahaha.

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I realized something extremely important. All these female action heroines are always running around trying to kick people's asses and what happens? They get their hair in their faces. I have a solution for them! It's called a rubber band. GET a rubber band, for crying out loud.

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IT's OVER!



And this is just an old picture of Ranor's I had to include:

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The fruit of my labor:


My parents always made me grow carrots and squash... if I had only known what else grew in gardens...


While wandering in the Garden of the Gods, my sister and I came across this elusive imp:

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Luckily I managed to escape injury, or death. But the tale of the burning tire will not be soon forgotten

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It's high time I added some more pictures. Here are some of the interesting warning signs I saw during my time on the Pigment Brigade:





We thought this one was hilarious until it actually happened to T. It is only because of her incredible skill and good looks that she is still alive today.

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So I watch Princess Diaries 2 the other day, )if you don't want me to ruin a mid-movie scene stop reading now)

So she is engaged to Andrew, Duke of Something, and even though she doesn't love him and it is a marriage of convenience, they are fond of each other and she loves "Genovia" so much, she is willing to do almost anything for it. HOWEVER... Prince Charming Nicholas of the Evil Throne-Stealing Uncle shows up at her window and asks if she would like to go for a bit of a walk. (This is after he kissed her earlier causing them both to fall into a fountain). So she GOES WITH HIM (mistake number 1) and then she dances with him (mistake number 2) and then she falls asleep in his arms AWWW SO ROMANTIC and wakes up to discover that the news people have her little rendezvous on tape and now everyone knows about it, including Andrew. (mistakes numbers 3 through infy) And SHE... SHE is mad at Nicholas because she thinks that he SET HER UP by romancing her so that Andrew would break off the wedding and he would get the throne. Of course, he didn't, but that isn't the point. The point IS, she was ENGAGED. And if you are engaged, I don't give a CRAP what your tender little heart is telling you on a moonlit evening, you do not go prancing and dancing with another man! If you don't want to marry the guy you are engaged to... break up with him. If you want to marry the guy you are engaged to... DON'T CHEAT ON HIM. IS THAT SO TERRIBLY HARD????
I couldn't believe this ridiculous "romantic scene". Yes it was romantic, objectively, but I couldn't enjoy a minute of it because it was dishonorable and wrong and CHEATING and CHEATING IS BAD! And to top it off, she's furious with Nicholas because the news gets a hold of the information... but let's think about this here for a minute... last I heard, Nicholas isn't the one who is engaged to someone... YOU ARE. And maybe if you didn't do things that were terrible and wrong, no one would have anything to feed the press about you, isn't that a novel idea?
Was I supposed to find that scene romantic? Because if I was, that's really very sad what that says about the state of American entertainment, where cheating on people is romanticized and seemingly encouraged if that is what your heart tells you to do. And her grandmother is sooo understanding. The grandmother gave up true love because of love of country- she didn't cheat on anyone, and even after her husband died she didn't dash off with her one true lover because she had morals and standards and she knew that somethings were more important than love. So what of Princess Mia? She spits on her engagement, embarrasses her groom on the wedding day, and then calls it all off, giving a heart rending speech about how much she loves her country and how she should therefore be able to rule without a husband at all. Wow, Mia, you sure proved to me that you loved your country when it wasn't even important enough to you that you would restrain yourself from jaunting off and disgracing it for one evening of lying around on the grass with a stuck-up jerk who will only last long enough to fill the time before Princess Diaries 3.

hiss!

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Then you can get off your board and take a phony walk.

I have two sides, one happy one anger. You can ask any stranger, my board is fast and danger. www.illmitch.com.


Quotes:

"If some guy tried to mess with any of y'all, he would have a better chance walking through Hell in a bra and panties made of gasoline and not getting burnt."

...?
-Marka

"A mop in a warehouse makes just about as much sense as boobs on a bull."

-Marka

I have to get into top form to start the school year. Let's see what is working for me and against me:

For: two more days of heavy lifting, two weeks of nothing to do but workout, not enough money to buy unhealthy food, and my iron will

Against: Only two more days of heavy lifting, two weeks of nothing to do but sit on my butt, nothing to eat but Swiss Miss Bars and almost-expired string cheese, 48 Nut Rolls given to me by the coolest trucker EVER, Gary Anderson, of Gary Anderson Trucking (high rates, free candy!), and my human weakness. (I know you're all thinking, 'what human weakness?', trust me, it's only a phase)

Looking at the size of the paragraphs alone, "against" is looking pretty unbeatable. But maybe my will, since it is iron, might weigh a little heavier.


Coming soon: The Perfect Husband List By Kristina and Z

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