A few words
"When we describe the Moon as dead, we are describing the deadness in ourselves. When we find space so hideously void, we are describing our own unbearable emptiness."
~ D.H. Lawrence
"Is the meaning of life defined by its duration? Or does life have a purpose so large that it doesn't have to be prolonged at any cost to preserve its meaning?"
"Living is not good, but living well. The wise man, therefore, lives as well as he should, not as long as he can... He will always think of life in terms of quality not quantity... Dying early or late is of no relevance, dying well or ill is... even if it is true that while there is life there is hope, life is not to be bought at any cost."
"People will tell you nothing matters, the whole world's about to end soon anyway. Those people are looking at life the wrong way. I mean, things don't need to last forever to be perfect."
~ Daydream Nation
"All Bette's stories have happy endings. That's because she knows where to stop. She's realized the real problem with stories-- if you keep them going long enough, they always end in death."
~ The Sandman: Preludes & Nocturnes
"The road now stretched across open country, and it occurred to me - not by way of protest, not as a symbol, or anything like that, but merely as a novel experience - that since I had disregarded all laws of humanity, I might as well disregard the rules of traffic. So I crossed to the left side of the highway and checked the feeling, and the feeling was good. It was a pleasant diaphragmal melting, with elements of diffused tactility, all this enhanced by the thought that nothing could be nearer to the elimination of basic physical laws than deliberately driving on the wrong site of the road."
~ Vladimir Nabokov, Lolita
"It is easier to forgive an enemy than to forgive a friend."
~ William Blake
Think about it
Kill that boredom!
Binder Paper Comics
Web Comics and Such
A Distant Soil (Some nudity)
The Adventures of Gyno-Star (Some explicit stuff)
Blue Milk Special
Cigarro & Cerveja
Cyanide and Happiness
dead winter (has some explicit stuff)
Devilbear: The Grimoires of Bearalzebub (PG-13?)
Eat That Toast!
The Fancy Adventures of Jack Cannon
For Lack of a Better Comic
Girls with Slingshots (some explicit stuff...?)
The Intrepid Girlbot
The Last Halloween
Last Train to Old Town
The League of Evil Genius
Legend of Bill
Living With Insanity (some nudity)
Love Me Nice
Married to the Sea
The Moon Prince
Moth (Some nudity)
The Non-Adventures of Wonderella
Political Cartoonists Index
Poorly Drawn Lines
The Property of Hate
Robbie and Bobby
Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Scenes from a Multiverse
The Secret Knots
Stand Still. Stay Silent
Strong Female Protagonist
The Super Fogeys
Tales of Pylea
Three Word Phrase (some nudity)
Tiny Kitten Teeth
Toothpaste for Dinner
Trying Human (Some nudity)
Two Guys and Guy
Yellow Peril (PG-13)
Infrequently/No Longer Updating Web Comics
The Abominable Charles Christopher
The Adventures of Dr. McNinja
The Adventures of Ellie Connelly
Bag of Toast
Bear in Mind
The Book of Biff
Chain Bear (Some explicit stuff)
Daisy is Dead
Ectopiary (Some nudity)
Edmund Finney's Quest to Find the Meaning of Life
A Fine Example
Finn and Charlie are HITCHED
Hark! A Vagrant
Head Doctor Productions
Hello with Cheese
Kyle & Atticus
Lesbian Pirates from Outer Space
Letters to a Wild Boar
Lovecraft is Missing
Meat and Plastic
The Nerds of Paradise
No Reason Comics
One Swoop Fell
Pictures for Sad Children
A Redtail's Dream
Roy's Boys (PG 13?)
Run Freak Run
The Super Gay Adventures of Ross Boston
YU + ME
Pure Flash Awesomeness
Die Anstalt : Toy Psychiatry
Clients from Hell
Creatures in My Head
Damn You Auto Correct!
Jhonen Vasquez's site
Overheard in New York
Passive Aggressive Notes
I forgot about this
Tuesday, January 10, 2012
I gave Christmas cards to my friends.
The Santas were saying different things on each card.
So the two people who commented on my last post were curious about the forum I was talking about. It's Personality Cafe, which I am currently too lazy to link, and the member was L-Lawliet. Like I said, not friends. I think I actually didn't like him, but honestly I don't remember at this point.
Anyway, you could try to stalk me if you wanted, but you wouldn't get anywhere because I don't use my Nutang username anywhere but here, and there are tons of forums there. XD Good luck though!
I really want to make a movie now, but I don't know how to go about doing that. Anybody know how those things are done?
A forum goer is me
Sunday, January 8, 2012
Haven't written a post in a few days, eep. Not that I haven't wanted to... I've definitely wanted to write an entry, but it's hard to find the words sometimes. Plus, I keep changing my mind, and I don't know how I feel half the time.
Anyway, since Nutang has been kind of slow and lonely as of late, (not counting the Shoutbox activity of course), I've been spending a lot of time in... forums!
I was never much of a forum person before. I couldn't shake the new kid/outsider/intruder feeling after joining and it was hard for me to feel like part of the community, so I wouldn't stick with it. I think I'm doing pretty well though.
Also, I think someone who used to be on Nutang is there... not that I was ever friends with that person. I just recognized the username and was like "oh! Oh wait, it's THAT guy."
But yeah, I'm having a bit of a nice time over there for now. Eventually I might lose interest and stop feeling excited every time I see someone has quoted one of my posts or otherwise acknowledged/appreciated my existence, but right now I'm enjoying being a forum goer.
Gettin' all dem INFP happies, yessir. Maybe I'm having more success this time because I'm on a forum with people who all have the same Meyers-Briggs type as me. XP In any case it feels nice!
Oh, it's 2012
Wednesday, January 4, 2012
And I'm four days late in pointing that out, I know.
I don't have much to talk about except dreams. This morning I told my mom about what I'd dreamt, and she was wondering if I was malnourished or something. I'm not sure why that would cause it.
I dreamt there was a blond boy with a backwards cap, and he followed me around everywhere, always trying to hurt me and ruin my life. I kept running away from him, but he always caught up.
We were in a hostel, and he was threatening me with various jackknives he had on his person. After making like he was going to cut/stab me or one of the friends I had with me a few times, he seemed to express regret, and handed me the three knives he had. When I looked at them in my hand, they were pumpkin carving knives.
Then we retired for the night... I was with two female friends in a tiny room with one bed. Our room had an open doorway that led to the men's bathroom... I had the bright idea to change rooms so that my stalker of sorts wouldn't know where we were, so we moved to a larger room with more privacy. It was dark outside when I looked out the window, and I thought it would be perfect if we could escape through the window. He wasn't omniscient or anything, so he wouldn't know I had gone.
I suggested the idea to my friends, and they agreed to the plan. We climbed out the window and into the dark side yard. For whatever reason, I was barefoot... I briefly had to hide, because someone shined a flashlight down the corridor, but after that we ran out and across the street, to a convenience store.
Inside, I asked the clerk when the bus came. He said it stopped on the other side of the street at 11. It was 11:04. We looked behind us and through the glass front of the store to see the bus leaving, and I ran after it, but it didn't stop.
I thought to myself that I could catch it at the next stop if I just ran fast enough, so I sprinted, barefoot, down the dark street.
I kept running, but the bus had disappeared. It had become daytime as well, and I was running on a dirt road that was muddy and half-flooded. I ran through the countryside, which was all sorts of runny brown colors, thinking that the bus stop would be just a little farther if I could keep going.
Well, I never caught the bus. I did wake up though, and in my half-awake state I thought to myself that the blond boy was what I was always running from in my dreams. It seemed to make a lot of sense at the time.
He wasn't trying to kill me, though. At least not yet. He just wanted to make my life as painful and unhappy as possible for as long as possible.
In... news based in reality, I got a skirt! With pockets! Oh my!
It has four pockets, though you can't see two of them.
I think this is the first skirt I've owned since I was able to pick my own clothing...
Saturday, December 31, 2011
Some of my dreams have similar enough central themes that I'm able to categorize them into groups such as "running/pursuit", "zombie/alien", and "seduction".
In the "running/pursuit" dreams, I am running from something or being chased.
In the "zombie/alien" dreams, I'm surrounded by zombies, aliens, mutants, whatever; some large group I'm not a part of, but which I need to escape or pretend to be part of in order to survive.
Then there's the "seduction" category. I don't have these a whole lot, but they usually involve me having to seduce someone. Not in an "oh, you're so attractive, I wanna do stuff with you -intense sexy stare/bedroom eyes-" kind of way, but in a life-or-death kind of way. As in "if I don't seduce this person, I will die, or someone else will."
For instance, in one dream, there was a curly-haired serial killer with a chainsaw in my house, and I had to try to seduce him so he wouldn't kill my whole family. It didn't work, and he ended up scalping my grandma while she slept.
In another case, a combination of the "zombie/alien" and "seduction" categories, I was in a large greenhouse which was surrounded by zombies, and I had to try to seduce this guy so that he would throw a grappling hook through a window onto the roof so we could climb up and escape......... It didn't work.
Last night, I dreamt that I and this man who was my father were assassins. Our advantage lay in the fact that we were publicly considered dead, so we typically had the element of surprise. I came into my bedroom to find that my father was dead, and there was a dog lying next to him on my bed. I walked dazedly over to it, and the dog sat up and turned into a man. He had killed my father (he was a rival assassin) and could change into animal shapes.
Well, he was a huge jerk, and despite the fact that he had just killed my father and fellow assassin, he decided to hit on me (before killing me as well?). I went along with it, despite my shock, and pretended I wasn't completely affronted; I even acted like I was legitimately interested. He tried to show off for me, and I asked if he could turn into a pigeon. Smiling cockily, he obliged, his head becoming pigeon-like first, then his body following.
I grabbed hold of him and twisted his neck, meaning to kill him. It didn't work the first time, though, but since I was holding him tight, he couldn't turn back into a human. I held his pigeon-neck between my index finger and thumb, and (this is not realistic at all, but come on, it's a dream) I could feel two veins throbbing beneath my fingertips. I squeezed until I felt them burst, and his head fell to one side and he went limp.
That was the first time I ever had a "seduction" type dream where I didn't fail... I guess the circumstances were a little different than usual, but still, I thought it was interesting.
Hahahahahahaha, oh man.
Shopping (and therefore...) [2P]
Wednesday, December 28, 2011
Saturday, December 24, 2011
Everyone gives him their name, except for me. I'm shy, I don't feel comfortable letting him know what my real name is.
It turns out that my shyness is my savior, because once he has their names, he has complete power over them. He has us come over one by one, to make sure he has control. I play along, so he won't suspect anything. I have to move like them, I have to have the same blank stare as them as he instructs us.
I can't tell if we're in a normal classroom or Hell. Everything looks warm, but it doesn't feel like it.
He takes out a small stapler and begins pushing the staples into a girl's face. Her skin stretches and sags, and it swells and almost looks like it's melting. The staples he's putting in her are destroying the nerves under her skin or something like that. She's standing perfectly still, and it's horrifying to watch, but I don't know what to do.
The teacher tells us she's just going to give out the answers to the test and then come back later. The test won't be graded, she says. I don't feel right about looking at the answers, but everyone else copies them eagerly.
The first answer is "ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ"... I write it down in the blank space below the question before my unease prevents me from writing the others.
When she comes back, it turns out she tricked us. She grades all the tests, and many people get negative scores... I get a 6 out of 25, which is sadly one of the higher scores. The first question, when I look at it, says:
"What letter comes next? A B C D _"
I realize the idiocy of my mistake and smack myself for not reading the questions more closely.
Thursday, December 22, 2011
Mom: Oh, uh, PAMF called to make sure you were doing okay.
Dad: Were you talking to me?
Mom: Yeah, PAMF called to check up on you.
Dad: Oh, the medical center?
Dad: "I'm sorry, he died."
Tuesday, December 20, 2011
Feeling conflicted. Again. Surprise surprise.
I'm not... doing things right. But I can't want to do them right. I've hit almost total apathy and I just don't care, although I'm near certain I will regret these things later on.
Besides that, I think I will be participating in a study soon. They tell me they don't see any reason I shouldn't be eligible for it, based on a few psychiatric interviews. The only problem is that I don't have a formal diagnosis/medical record of depression. I haven't really ever seen a psychiatrist except for that one time at St. John's, and that dude just ran through a checklist real fast and told me I should consider medication. Whatevs, man.
I never used to have any issues with taking meds. But then, y'know, I heard so much about how they can change you, make you a different person... Take away your feeling, sometimes. If I don't have any feeling right now anyway, I don't know if it'd matter.
(Side note: I'm usually an INFP, but I test as an INTJ when I'm this apathetic. Very weird.)
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