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Memores acti prudentes futuri

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no surprise, no mystery
A few words
"When we describe the Moon as dead, we are describing the deadness in ourselves. When we find space so hideously void, we are describing our own unbearable emptiness."
~ D.H. Lawrence

"Is the meaning of life defined by its duration? Or does life have a purpose so large that it doesn't have to be prolonged at any cost to preserve its meaning?"

"Living is not good, but living well. The wise man, therefore, lives as well as he should, not as long as he can... He will always think of life in terms of quality not quantity... Dying early or late is of no relevance, dying well or ill is... even if it is true that while there is life there is hope, life is not to be bought at any cost."
~ Seneca

"People will tell you nothing matters, the whole world's about to end soon anyway. Those people are looking at life the wrong way. I mean, things don't need to last forever to be perfect."
~ Daydream Nation

"All Bette's stories have happy endings. That's because she knows where to stop. She's realized the real problem with stories-- if you keep them going long enough, they always end in death."
~ The Sandman: Preludes & Nocturnes

"The road now stretched across open country, and it occurred to me - not by way of protest, not as a symbol, or anything like that, but merely as a novel experience - that since I had disregarded all laws of humanity, I might as well disregard the rules of traffic. So I crossed to the left side of the highway and checked the feeling, and the feeling was good. It was a pleasant diaphragmal melting, with elements of diffused tactility, all this enhanced by the thought that nothing could be nearer to the elimination of basic physical laws than deliberately driving on the wrong site of the road."
~ Vladimir Nabokov, Lolita

"It is easier to forgive an enemy than to forgive a friend."
~ William Blake
Online Radio

More Fun Shtuff
Newgrounds Audio Portal
Kill that boredom!
Binder Paper Comics

Web Comics and Such
A Distant Soil (Some nudity)
The Adventures of Gyno-Star (Some explicit stuff)
Axe Cop
Basic Instructions
Bear Nuts

Blue Milk Special
Cigarro & Cerveja
Conspiracy Friends!
Crunchy Bunches

Curia Regis
Cyanide and Happiness
dead winter (has some explicit stuff)
Devilbear: The Grimoires of Bearalzebub (PG-13?)
Diesel Sweeties
Dumm Comics
Eat That Toast!
The End
Evil Diva
Evil Inc.
Existential Comics
The Fancy Adventures of Jack Cannon
For Lack of a Better Comic
Forming (Explicit)

Girls with Slingshots (some explicit stuff...?)
The Intrepid Girlbot
JBabb Comics
The Last Halloween
Last Train to Old Town
The League of Evil Genius

Legend of Bill
Living With Insanity (some nudity)
Love Me Nice
Married to the Sea
Meaty Yogurt
Medium Large
The Meek
The Moon Prince
Moth (Some nudity)
Mr. Lovenstein
Muddlers Beat

Natalie Dee
The Non-Adventures of Wonderella
Out There
Owen's Uncles
Phuzzy Comics
Political Cartoonists Index
Poorly Drawn Lines
The Property of Hate
Red Meat
Rice Boy
Robbie and Bobby
Rosscott, Inc.
Safely Endangered
Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Savage Chickens
Scary Go Round
Scenes from a Multiverse
The Secret Knots
Serenity Rose
Stand Still. Stay Silent
Stinking Hellebore
Strong Female Protagonist
Tales of Pylea
Three Word Phrase (some nudity)
Tiny Kitten Teeth
Toothpaste for Dinner
Trying Human (Some nudity)
Two Guys and Guy

Wilde Life
Yellow Peril (PG-13)

Infrequently/No Longer Updating Web Comics
The Abominable Charles Christopher
The Adventures of Dr. McNinja
The Adventures of Ellie Connelly
American Hell
Bag of Toast
Bear in Mind
The Book of Biff
Camp Weedonwantcha
Chain Bear (Some explicit stuff)
Daisy is Dead
Dream Life
Ectopiary (Some nudity)
Edmund Finney's Quest to Find the Meaning of Life
A Fine Example
Finn and Charlie are HITCHED

Green Wake
Gun Show
Hark! A Vagrant
Head Doctor Productions
Hello with Cheese
Helpful Figures
Hollow Mountain
IDK Comics
Inscribing Ardi
Kyle & Atticus
Lesbian Pirates from Outer Space
Letters to a Wild Boar
Lovecraft is Missing

Meat and Plastic
Minimalism Sucks
Moon Town
The Nerds of Paradise
No Reason Comics
One Swoop Fell
Pictures for Sad Children
Raymondo Person
A Redtail's Dream
Roy's Boys (PG 13?)
Run Freak Run
Saint's Way
Sin Titulo
Split Lip
Spooky Doofus
Super Buzzkill
The Super Fogeys
The Super Gay Adventures of Ross Boston
Ugly Girl
2815 Monument

Pure Flash Awesomeness
Angry Alien
Die Anstalt : Toy Psychiatry
The Frown

Clients from Hell
Brian Despain
Creatures in My Head
Damn You Auto Correct!
Jhonen Vasquez's site
Overheard in New York
Passive Aggressive Notes
Nightmares or just unsettling?
Saturday, June 16, 2012
I've been having some kind of creepy dreams lately, when I remember them.

Last night I dreamt I was sitting in this auditorium like structure, next to this group of girls. One of the girls was about to give birth.

I was trying to tell her to sit in a certain position so the baby would come out easier, but she wasn't paying attention, and was just huffing heavily. Then this... slit in her side opened and one of her friends pulled out this... thing.

It wasn't a baby. For some reason I had expected it to look at least like a newborn puppy, though. It looked like... a flesh colored... I don't know... flat slab leech sea cucumber thing? It was really gross. They all looked at it in adoration though, while I was busy being shocked and horrified. It was at least a foot long, and six inches wide, slimy and moving slightly.

The friend holding it put it into a bucket, where it seemed to turn into a more fish-like creature. Still flesh colored and horrible, but less horrible.

...Then they all pressured me to give my blood up for extra credit in the class. There were flyers being handed out that said we could just get the blood by donating some to a blood drive and then asking them to bag up an extra liter for us. I didn't really want to at first, but the girls kept pressuring me to, so I gave in.

Well, when I said I would, and I took the flyer, they started laughing at me and making fun of me for volunteering to give my blood up for the class. I suddenly felt ashamed and embarrassed and left to wait for my mom to pick me up.

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Hypotheticals, directions, futures, pain
Friday, June 8, 2012
I asked my boyfriend what we would do if I went back to New York.

He essentially broke down at the thought of me leaving. It would be immensely painful for him, he said, but if I decide it's worth it, he won't stop me.

We'll have been dating for eight months on the 17th. It seems so crazy. I mean, I feel like it's hardly been eight months at all. We're quite serious, though. It's kind of funny the way we discuss marriage and children and such. We've never actually agreed that we're going to go that far, but we talk as if it's going to happen. I guess I talk about it more in terms of "if" most of the time, but he talks about it with more... certainty?

Like the other night, he was telling me that we could have kids in a couple of years, but I would need to have some sort of income first. I was like, "what. I don't want to have kids in a couple years." I guess he thought I did, so he was quite relieved when I said that.

I dunno. Weird situation is weird.

He's worried that I'll go to New York and like it more than I like him, and not come back, or I'll have so much fun there that I'll decide he's boring and drop him. I guess it's partially him reliving the trauma of his first relationship... He dated her for three years in high school, then moved to L.A. to continue dating her when she was accepted to UCLA. He wasn't accepted into UCLA, so he moved there earlier than she did to go to a community college on a different term schedule... And as soon as she got there, she dumped him.

Every time I think about that I just want to kick her down a flight of stairs. It's not the breakup itself that bothers me, but the way she did it. If she didn't want to be with him forever, and she didn't want the relationship to be that serious, why couldn't she tell him BEFORE he moved down there? Ugh. In any case, I would never do something that awful.

It's kind of terrible... I've been listening to this song a lot the past couple days:

I mean, I listened to it before I mentioned the possibility of moving to him, but still.

(For the record, I did NOT just spring this on him with no prior warning. I told him before we started dating that I did not want to enter a relationship because of this specific problem. Once we were together, I also repeatedly mentioned my desire to go back to New York. I was a bit quiet about it for a few months, but I've never given any indication that I changed my mind and want to stay in California, as far as I know.)

This is complicated. I love him so much, and I hate the thought of hurting him, but I've also been dreaming of going back to New York for something like two years now. It wouldn't mean the end of our relationship necessarily, but... well... long distance. :/ And here I was thinking I'd never go long distance again. -Sigh-

Nothing is set, though. I need to figure these things out.

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Friday, June 1, 2012
I wrote a short piece for my writing group meeting. I think I associate the ocean with depression for some reason.

The idea was to write a piece with the theme "Wonders of the Invisible World"-- we decided to write based on one of the titles of the book recommendations in the back of a book a group member brought.

I threw around a lot of ideas before I managed to get this out. I am not sure if it is entirely clear or not. You can read it if you want. It is not that great.

This Is Not Reality

Also I keep thinking about THIS COMIC...

Because of reasons. I've been thinking about that and about Sweeney Todd saying "I have no time" in the Broadway musical version and Judas singing "damned for all time" in Jesus Christ Super Star. None of these things are particularly important.

In some ways I feel like I am using all my energy just to sustain an image of solidness and stability. Things are not that good right now.

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Oh, it's been a week already
Tuesday, May 29, 2012
Be it extremely emotional, controversial, messed up, or whatever, this entry has been password protected.

If you know it, enter it; or, ask me for it.

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A thing, among other things
Tuesday, May 22, 2012
Be it extremely emotional, controversial, messed up, or whatever, this entry has been password protected.

If you know it, enter it; or, ask me for it.

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Well, no petit fours...
Sunday, May 13, 2012
Be it extremely emotional, controversial, messed up, or whatever, this entry has been password protected.

If you know it, enter it; or, ask me for it.

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Sunday, May 6, 2012
I had a writing group meeting on Friday... There were only three of us this time, unfortunately. I guess people were busy.

The group is struggling a bit because we don't have enough people, and those of us who are in it don't write enough. I'm thinking of extending an invitation to people I know online who write, so they can take part if they want.

With our group, we meet once a month in person, but we critique each other's work online and have a Goodreads group for the book club-ish component of the group. Because of that, it wouldn't be too hard to join and be strictly online. I guess there's the problem that the people in the group right now were all in a fiction writing class together, but hopefully we're not too clique-y or anything.

I really really want the writing group to survive. :( Going to the meetings makes me really happy, and I do like reading their work, even if I don't necessarily have anything of my own most of the time... I'm going to try to work more on some pieces, though, so I have something to share next month.

If any of you guys are interested in the group, please tell me. I discussed inviting online people with the "leader" of the writing group already and she thought it wasn't a bad idea. We mainly use Google Docs, so as long as you don't mind that and you like to write, I highly encourage you to think about it.

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Something I'm considering for Mother's Day
Thursday, May 3, 2012
I was thinking of making petit fours for Mother's Day, but I've never done it before. It seems like it wouldn't be THAT difficult... just have to make a dense-ish cake, layer it with filling, and dip it in chocolate, right? I feel like it would be more fun with a friend or two, though. Maybe I can get some of my friends together to make them for all our mothers?

Prior to this idea I was considering buying some chocolate for my mom, but I was looking at a $32 box of truffles online, with $16 shipping... and I realized, man, it's just not worth it for me. Besides, the gift is much more personal if I make it myself, right? My boyfriend doesn't really have baking experience, but he does "cook"*, so perhaps he can help...

Anyway, what do you guys think? And if I make them, should I document the process? (I'm guessing you'll say yes to that but I figured I'd ask anyway. XD)

*I'm sure he can actually cook, but all I've actually seen him do is throw a bunch of random stuff together, hence the quotation marks.

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