Maybe if I drink enough happy tea I won't do something I regret.

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Be it extremely emotional, controversial, messed up, or whatever, this entry has been password protected.

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Here's a link to one of the pieces I wrote:

The Ocean

I really hate Mondays.

But I'm very grateful for the thoughtful comments you guys have been leaving me. Thank you.

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It's surprisingly distressing to date someone who jumps to conclusions.

My phone has been having a lot of issues getting/sending texts lately, which is annoying, but it wasn't really STRESSFUL until now.

I was texting my boyfriend while shopping with my mom earlier, and we were discussing hanging out/something involving his car. He said he was feeling sad, but didn't elaborate as to why. Could just be depression... He's got a prescription for meds, but I don't think he's been taking them since we started dating.

Anyway, my phone wasn't receiving some of his texts, so after a twelve minute break between texts, he sent me one that basically said "I guess you don't want to see me. Tomorrow maybe."

I was holding my phone, rereading it, thinking "what???" Guessing he sent me something asking if I wanted to get together, what time, etc. and I never got it, so he assumed my silence was another way of saying "I HATE YOUR FACE, LEAVE ME ALONE!"

I'm not even sure. We have some problems, but nothing I thought had the potential to become really serious. I'm hoping this doesn't turn out to be a significant issue in the future...

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I don't think I should talk about things I think I want to do anymore.

Someone or something always comes along and tells me it's not a good idea. And usually I have so little enthusiasm in the first place that that small bit of discouragement completely kills my desire. (I don't even know if "desire" is the right term. "Hope" might be more accurate. As in I hope I can sustain the want...)

...Back to square one... maybe... I don't know.

I don't want to do anything for the rest of my life. I don't even want to live for the rest of my life. How can I want anything more when I don't even want the most basic thing in existence?

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Be it extremely emotional, controversial, messed up, or whatever, this entry has been password protected.

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Anyway.

Those of you who have Google+: If a chicken adds you, do not be alarmed! I just thought to myself that I should add some more people on there and since I have practically no local friends that are on it, I figured, hey, Nutangers are the next best thing. (I'm not interested in following random strangers...)

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Fiction class has got me writing various little stories and things, so I thought I'd offer them up to the good people of Nutang in case anybody feels bored enough to read them. I'll list the titles and a brief overview of the assignment, and if anything looks interesting to you, I'll put it up in Google Docs and link it here.

Living in an Oubliette is Awesome! And Great!
--A ripoff of a short story we read where we're supposed to end the majority of the sentences with an exclamation mark.

7 or 8 Things I Know About Her
--Another ripoff, this time of Michael Ondaatje.

Darkness
--Sort of a ripoff; we were supposed to have a character converse with an inanimate object or animal that represents the character's conscience/inner thoughts.

Science
--An attempt to lay out a scene in great detail, then hone in on a particular character; the second part was to be mostly dialogue.

The Ocean
--Basic structure exercise with rising action, climax, fall, etc. We were supposed to name our characters using names the teacher took from her spam folder. (That was helpful for me, since if I'm left to my own devices, I feel like naming characters becomes too personal and would rather leave them nameless)

The quarter ends in a few weeks, so I might have another couple pieces by then, but I thought I'd offer up what I have now just in case anybody is interested. I promise nothing in the way of quality, of course, but I assume that by now you're all familiar with my writing style, so you can judge for yourself if you'd like to see any of it.

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They tore down the playground I went to most as a child. The play structures, the swing set...

I doubt they'll build a new swing set the same height, if they include one at all. Probably too "dangerous" for these modern times.

Just remembering swinging there, going higher and higher, the rush of going back and forth. Finally reaching the point where I was level with the top bar, feeling the chains I was holding onto go slack.

When you hit that top point, you're not moving up or down, and you just sort of sit in the air for a second. It's not like the rest of the experience, where you're pressed against the seat of the swing, and the chains are pulled tight.

There's just something about the in-between that I always liked, what I always reached for when I was on the swings. But it's not the same on the short little swings they have at most parks now. You don't get high up enough, you're too close to the ground and the people.

Growing up is absolutely terrible so far.

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