Spring Semester 2010:
* Teaching: Fundamentals of Microbiology - MW 12:00-2:40p
Medical Microbiology - TR 2:00-3:15p
Colloquium in Cell and Molecular Biology - R 3:30-4:30p
Thesis Research - Identification of T Cell Subsets and Immune Response in Colon Cancer Using Immunofluorescence - FOREVER AND EVER
Old Journal Entries
Or rather, entries from the old journal, as it were...
- An open letter to the College. (August 27, 2006)
- Untitled. (July 16, 2006)
- Haunted (Part One) (May 29, 2006)
- Are we growing up, or just going down? (May 3, 2006)
- I had a dream... (March 19, 2006)
- ... (March 14, 2006)
- Enjoy it while it lasts. (September 12, 2005)
- Scene: 3:27 AM. (September 3, 2005)
- Untitled. (July 26, 2005)
Psst... if you're looking for the academic writings I used to have here, head to my Reading Room.
- The Rage in Placid Lake (2003)
- Son of Rambow (2007)
- 大紅燈籠高高掛 / Dà Hóng Dēnglóng Gāogāo Guà [Raise the Red Lantern] (1991)
- Au revoir, les enfants (1987)
- Chalk (2006)
- Le Samouraï (1967)
- Empire Records (1995)
- The Bank Job (2008)
- Le Quatre cents coups [The 400 Blows] (1959)
- Love and Other Disasters (2006)
- Friends and Family (2001)
- Sugar [unrated] (2004)
- The Curiosity of Chance (2006)
- Blade Runner: The Final Cut (1982)
- Wristcutters: A Love Story (2006)
- Death Note [anime] (2006)
- Battle Royale (2000)
- Le scaphandre et le papillon [The Diving Bell and the Butterfly] (2007)
- Extras, Series 2 (2005)
- Extras, Series 1 (2005)
- Shelter (2007)
- Metropolis (1927)
- Cashback (2006)
- Harold and Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay [Unrated] (2008)
- The Catherine Tate Show, Series 2 (2005)
- The Catherine Tate Show, Series 1 (2004)
- Tokyo monogatari [Tokyo Story] (1953)
- Akira (1988)
- Habuah [The Bubble] (2006)
- Prime Suspect 4, including:
- The Lost Child (1995)
- Inner Circles (1995)
- Scent of Darkness (1995)
- Like Minds [USA: Murderous Intent] (2006)
- La Strada (1954)
- Black Orpheus (1959)
- Le Notti di Cabiria [Nights of Cabiria] (1957)
- Cleo de cinq a sept [Cleo from 5 to 7] (1962)
- Det Sjunde Inseglet [The Seventh Seal] (1957)
- Prime Suspect 3 (1994)
- Funny Face (1957)
- Lalechet Al Ha'mayim [Walk on Water] (2004)
- Charade (1963)
- Yossi & Jagger (2002)
- Mists of Avalon (2001)
- Blow Up (1966)
The *New* Reading List
Since June 2006...
- The Dead Emcee Scrolls by Saul Williams [61.3%]
- Junk Science: An Overdue Indictment of Government, Industry, and Faith Groups that Twist Science for Their Own Gain by Dan Agin, Ph.D. [64.4%]
- 1984 by George Orwell [18.8%]
Another long talk.
Wednesday, June 3, 2009 @ 9:26 am
This time with Jenny. She basically tore me a new one for being mopey and devoting 100% of my time to Nicholas. I got her point but it still felt like shit to hear it come from her mouth over a period of 1.5 hours. So I decided to make it a Ranor and Jenny night last night and things are so much better.
She told me about her outing on Sunday with the twin. Apparently, Alex is totally whipped, and she wants to make it clear she isn't interested. To that end, I might end up playing chaperone/moral support/cock block tonight... at Nicholas' parents' place. Alex told her to come over to blaze tonight; she doesn't want to go alone. Time for me to put on the Super Best Friend cape and tights and help to defuse the situation before it turns into something that blows up in everyone's face.
We're unclear as to how to exactly proceed. Jenny needs to tell Alex with complete certainty that she does NOT want to go out with him, but that she wants to be friends. Nicholas complicates the situation; he told me that if he comes back from his trip and Alex is completely whipped (too late, Nick), he will "bring down the hammer" on him. On the other hand, if Jenny ends up breaking the poor kid's heart, Jenny is worried the hammer will be directed somewhere else. I assured her that it wouldn't happen that way, but in the event that it does, guess who will play damage control?
Nicholas was right. We need a camera crew to follow us and put this shit on TV.
Oh, another revelation from yesterday: Apparently, Nicholas has this bad habit of making people think he's gay. According to Alex (via Jenny), Nick's Facebook profile was edited to look like he was coming out... and apparently no one--not even his brother--was all that surprised. Sore spot for him? I think so...
My sleep is fucked.
Tuesday, June 2, 2009 @ 9:08 pm
I've had a messed up sleep schedule for the last few days. (Wonder why.) If I'm not sleeping, it feels like I'm sleepwalking, going through the motions of getting ready for the day and doing my lab work and eating and going home.
I can't stop myself from engaging him in conversation when he starts it. I should just walk away (or ignore it if it's online), but in the interest of not letting him know something is bothering me, I talk to him like nothing's wrong. It's a sickness. I should distance myself right now, give it a little time and space maybe, but I feel compelled to not let him know that anything's wrong even though I want to tell him so. Fucking. Badly. That everything's wrong right now.
Jenny's distanced herself. She usually tells me everything that's happening in her life because she's my best friend in the program... but she neglected to tell me that last night she went out with Alex (Nicholas' twin). I had to hear about that from him. I don't know if she feels guilty for reassuring me that Nicholas was gay and that he liked me even when I doubted it (and quite rightly so it seems) or what, and if maybe somehow her spending time with the twin this soon after my own hopes had been dashed would make me feel worse about my own situation. Well, truth be told, I'm a little conflicted about the entire thing. If this is something she wants, I should be happy for her, but it's hard to be happy for anyone when I feel like shit. That having been said, I feel worse that she feels the need to hide this fact from me.
Can it be Friday yet? I'll leave all this shit behind for about 10 days while I visit home and hopefully over that time I can unload some of my emotional baggage...
Sunday, May 31, 2009 @ 11:20 am
So I texted him to apologize for my kinda dickish and antisocial behavior towards him at the party on Friday. I just couldn't look him in the eye and talk to him or even be around him most of the time on Friday because the emotions were too raw. And when I did talk to him, it was more like talking at him, and I kept making comments that were kinda harsh. To be fair, he didn't look like he was too pleased with me either, because he could have come up to me more and see what was up, but he had his own drama brewing that night, so I guess it was just bad for the both of us.
He called me up yesterday to assure me that he wasn't mad or anything and that he was sorry for acting a little bit strangely as well. We had a little talk to clear the air and he reassured me that our friendship was still very much intact. He's kinda pissed at Jenny, though, which is sort of unfair because she wasn't the only one who thought he was gay... though she did keep bringing it up during the party, which is why he was a little mad. Hence his own drama: his sexuality was the hot topic, and that would pretty much piss me off too if it happened to me, especially in front of my twin brother, and especially in front of people who didn't really know me.
Long story short, he's still my closest guy friend here. He obviously values our relationship, as do I, and I want to do my best to keep everything good between us. We've grown pretty close over the last few months and opened up to each other, possibly because we instinctively know we can totally trust each other. He's a sweet kid and while I'm clearly crushed that I was wrong about him, I know that in some alternate universe where his brain developed slightly differently in utero, we're together. Sucks that that universe isn't this one, and I don't want to say I'm "settling" for friendship, but I think the relationship is worth it.
This isn't to say I'm "over him"--those feelings don't disappear overnight--but I really don't want to lose this. Especially not after the Matt situation at the end of high school, which pretty much scarred me for life. I'm glad to know he's not going to run away, and more importantly, to hear he's not going to from him directly. He's such an amazing guy and an amazing friend and this whole situation just underscores that fact. I can't lose that. Not ever.
EDIT: A garage rockin' cover by the Detroit Cobras of the Flirtations' classic soul song "Nothing but a Heartache." (I find it to be particularly fitting... in that sad way.)
Who rises in my place?
Saturday, May 30, 2009 @ 3:51 am
He loves me dearly and is glad that he met me and my "great heart". And if it weren't for a biological fluke, we'd probably be together right now, a perfect match. But the harsh reality of biology sometimes is that things that should be, aren't.
So where it goes from here is up to me. Which me will be the one that takes my place? One that purges all feelings of romantic inclinations while keeping all of the true love for Nicholas as a friend intact? Or one whose heart shrivels up and can no longer feel this way for fear of feeling hurt again?
If my lifeless corpse could feel hope, I'd hope--with all of my great yet still-aching heart--for the first.
Bleed me out.
Friday, May 29, 2009 @ 6:53 pm
And when all the blood is drained from my veins, say a prayer for me and incinerate my lifeless corpse.
I am a fucking fool. And that's all there is to it.
R.I.P. All Hope.
Because this is the final nail in the coffin.
Tuesday, May 26, 2009 @ 7:40 pm
Him: shit dude, I would have dreams about tumors allnight
Me: Who's to say I already don't?
Him: well one day you can describe them to me...
Any day. Name it.
I just want back in your head!
Sunday, May 24, 2009 @ 8:05 pm
I hate myself for loving you.
Saturday, May 23, 2009 @ 7:24 pm