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Sunday. 8.8.04 9:30 pm
as the colors whirl, the minds control, loses what it will and gains little as do. hrm, its a world that scorns with blood and a time instant with apathy, there never really existed empathy, a change can encompass a person while time beats them down with its slow torture, what a beauty. i love it. you can listen to it once, you can hear forever, in eternity, have it hold you and let it kill you, i love the kiss, its deadly isn't it. it marks what you only wish i couldn't its the last time, the only time. everytime, let this be your testament let this be your warning, time will come, and i will cease to be. it gives me desire, it gives me pain, passion, whAt ever it is you may be. laugh, and see, this is what i will be...

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Friday. 8.6.04 1:32 am
a head filled with conspiracies and lies. blood spilt in the dead of the night. workings of a secret agent, within the goverments own covent. its an interesting working how they die, its an interesting working how they lie. secret names beggining with x. secret names ending with x. an investigation scorned from the begining, a world of truth hid from all hold the highest being. this is our lives and where we live, this is our government and how they live. what a trapping.

hrm. that was cool. i just watched JFK so hence that. i want to write a JFK poem. i think i should. it's not going to be that rubish up there but names included, rhymes that work, and truths and lies embedded. it should be interesting. i think i'm up for a little research. I loved that movie. seriously did. learned so much.

politics are an interesting thing. i have an opinion here and there with a naive quality. i belive in things like principles, truths sometimes and what not and no good polititian should or ever could believe in such rubish. the government will always lie. and do what it chooses and people can comment, people can bicker, people can protest, but things won't nessaserilly change. there are issues to be heard and dicisions to be made and we can believe to choose them but they will make them. bush and kerry, a monkey and duchebag. hah. this country is not run by the people but by the government the people do not run the government for there are things we are dragged into unwillingly and sometimes unknowingly. i didnt ask for this war. my parents didnt ask for saddam to fall, america's people did not concieve the idea and yet, we follow through and send our men, and give our money, and support the flag on days of mourning but this is the government we live under. we can leave. we can stay. its all choice and not a choice. its apathy and never empathy. government will exist with or without you. i dont know... more later.

i want to learn. i want to see. i want to know. research. yes, yes, research....

on a different note though...
he's cute. and maybe just maybe, with a wiff of hope and a touch of the old game something might develop. something completly lovely. ^_^

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Monday. 8.2.04 11:06 pm
to the person who commented on my last entry, meaningful in a sense but comletely void inanother. written it has one feeling yet, inspired another. Don't let your innocence be a burden, let it be a beauty. not many of your kind exist. so many already scared, worry not time will pass.

on a different note but one close at heart, i called the kid today. cute. incredibly cute. bored as hell i must admit. don't know, going to have him tag along tommorow when i go to school. it's the only time i have right now to get away. he's cute though. really cute haha. but i don't want to play games. not in the mood for it. i hear though that i might. hopefully i won't.

it would have been nice if hot topic had good shirts. a bright eye's shirt would have made me happy. but what i got will suffice. lol, expensive though, annoyingly so, but, its what i wear and so be it. i give thanks to be able to have it. *shrug*

i'll write something worth reading later. not now. too busy.

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Monday. 8.2.04 12:20 am

these lips stand, awaiting their use.
you turn with your silent abuse

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Wake Me up ANd hear my Dreams
Wednesday. 7.28.04 12:36 pm
i stopped giving up on you.

hrm. i like splender. this is horrible. i really should kill my self for listening to them, but its good mellow shit to listen to. hrm. maybe i'll listen to left. lets see... whatever it is i'm thinking i just happen to throw out and type. hrm. interesting but very typical. we got a new armour thing. i don't know, the thing you put a tv in. it's really nice. i like it. so the family room is all set up so the three of us can play playstation or my friends can come over and chill. it's cool.

no, left, i'm not in the mood for that type of music. eh. maybe soul asyllum. (can you tell i'm running out of options? lol) nope, not in the mood to get up and go get it. so, splender it is. lol

this kid called me yesterday. he's cute. really cute. *sly smile* he'd be fun the way pierce was fun. lol, jess already knows this, but the kid's cute, and if i can just get him to be fucking comfortable and not so tense, it'll be good. i was going to chill with him before but he left, and oh well. now he's back and he's coming over this weekend. ^_^ goodtimes.

i was comment more on that but not now. i have thoughts that shouldnt be documented lol...

i had a dream. quite a number of them acutally. a harry potter one that i don't remember, one about school, and another one that i doont remember. the school one bothered me. ju keeps on popping up in my dreams. its horrible. but, there was this girl in my dream, scary man. black hair, really young, like a freshman, a hypocondriac, and obsessive. huge eyes, i still see them. it freaks me out. but then again i like being freaked out so, yeah yeah. the eyes though. like anime man. i don't know. and the shit that came out of her mouth. "i thought i was pregneant, i really did..." wtf, she was like half of my size and young as shit, oh yeah, she was a virgin and she thought she was pregnant. it was fucked up. i dont know. and the stairs. man, the stairs, weird. i was sliding up the stairs. up, and my shoes made the weirdest squeeking noise, and i don't know. it was weird.

i dont want to think about it. it was my minds half nightmare half i don't know...

ok, new subject. i went shopping last night w. the family. it was cool. haha, seriously it was. cause, basically it was my sister and me running around looking at clothes while laughing and joking like none other and my mum somewhere else with my brother. it was alot of fun. lol, i was black last night HAHAHAH it was awseome. and btw me and my sister, we were chill, which happens really rarely, so that's cool man. it was good. and i didnt have to buy anything. that's another reason as to why i liked it. lol. but we have to go back tonight. eh...

ok. more inane thoughts to be added later.

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Monday. 7.26.04 11:55 pm
I was listening to a song and falling in love would be an interesting thing wouldn't it? exciting, intense, crazy, hrm... i dont now. i suppose that's why it's such a popular subject when it comes to the arts. Love. the most beautifuly horrendous thing on earth. it comes when unanticipated and lingers back when needed. its an interesting thing, taking many forms, it induces hate and happiness all the same and brings crimson to the grays of the world. it allots one to feel hope, joy, and a deep sorrow all the same. it's revered and scorned all the same. it's one of the rare beauties of life. one of the rare true egnigmas. its awesome, its horrible, its love. i'm a romantic i must admit. i dream so don't have to live, and i sleep so i don't have to feel, and i write so i will feel. but love, thats something to fear and look forward to all the same. hrm, it brings an odd sort of smile to me, memories, of happiness and pain. love. hrm, how odd. a disease and a cure all the same. its a good thing, pain is good, happiness is good, and if both can be derived from one thing, then it might as well be a good thing....


just a thought...

i don't think i could fall in love again and then again, i am all too seceptable. Come to think about it, I'd love to do it all over again. Seriously, i would. i'd relive it. just for the hell of it. i'd go through all the pain and joy. i wouldn't change a thing. i'd do it again. hrm... i kind of wish i could actually, well otherwise i really would'nt be writing about it but, that would be fun, wouldn't it? to race along the intensity, to dance along the pitfalls, do live life like that. i've learned to cut my self off so well, that now, it seems an impossiblity. but, the whirlwind would be a welcome one if it were to ever come. maybe one day. just maybe...

i had a lovely day. and this a perfect cap... lets see if don't ruin it lol. oh well, tis all good.

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