Sunday. 6.17.12 6:48 am
Let me tell you that day that I bumped into someone I know from college and my brain decided to totally shut down.
So, about a couple months ago, I was outside this restaurant where my uni friends are having dinner and I bumped into a friend from college. She was waiting for her table and was all "hey, how are you? what are you doing now?" (totally friendly, like we are still enrolled in the same course but are not having the same classes) and I totally made it all awkward between the both of us. Oh and I got a hug from her too! Anyway, I wasn't being nice. My brain just froze and I totally didn't know what to do or what to say. So yea.. anyway.. I didn't really apologise to her and I didn't actually say goodbye to her before I left. I think spending most of my time with the social awkward people and a lot more time in front of the computer, not talking to people, people. I feel quite bad.. I kind of want to send her a facebook message and apologise but... I think I need to do something so that this whole thing doesn't repeat itself.
I need to get out more. Meet more people and not stay at home all the time.
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Tuesday. 6.12.12 5:56 am
I need to make some changes around here. First of all is that I will start to remove a big chuck of my past posts because of this law that came into effect 1st June 2012 which greatly limits one's freedom of speech on the internet. And because of the state of affairs on this country, I will be taking down a lot of the posts that are personal (I guess we can catagorise it that way).
That is one and the other is that... Ultimately, I am sick and tired of some people in my life and I am looking forward to the week of solitude that I will be having; I don't know how some people can be so irksome in so many ways. Honestly, if you don't listen when people talk and you don't realise how the behaviour of someone you know very well affects others then I guess there is nothing left to say. Maybe I will also drink myself to oblivion. It sounds good given I've always wanted to try teleporting and remembering less things.
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Saturday. 6.2.12 10:35 am
The title says it all. Until you're me then you probably won't get why no matter how many time I explain it to you because YOU refuse to consider other people's feelings/welfare/whatever. Some may say it as being a selfish person but I think you're not selfish. You're just someone who loves to be able to be in a position to walk over everyone and yet be worshiped. Like at your workplace, you scold them yet they love you to bits. Doesn't work that way here and "let it go" doesn't help either because I don't think you will let it go if you're in my position. Oh and one more thing.. if inside my head is too complicated for you then stay out and shut up. No one's asking you to be in my head nor asking for your opinions.
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Saturday. 5.19.12 1:34 am
I mean the series about the rude, jerkazoid doctor that is ending next week.. Contain spoilers so don't continue reading if you don't want any spoilers.
I'm serious, contains spoilers. Both directly and indirectly. Reading this may lead you to a conclusion on what is going on without having you to actually watch it
So to those of you who watched the latest episode would know that Wilson is dying and House is being sent back to jail for his prank. He is going back longer than Wilson has to live if he doesn't do chemo. The next episode is going to be Amber all over again....
I've from time to time entertained the thought of a life without my best friend and despite the fact that we actually don't talk as often as most best friends do, she is very important in my life and there are things that she and no one else knows happened. From time to time, I miss her presence and her ability to handle me despite my petty dramas and yet not wanting to strangle me. If I have to say.. this relationship, I'm House and she is Wilson.. And now Wilson is dying and House has to face the rest of his life without the one person who is able to accept him for who he is and stuck with him for a long time. It just made me realise that my best friend has a job that puts her at risk every working day. What if there was an undetected mechanical error? There are so many what ifs in play that made me not want to ever have that thought in my head again. And if it does happen, who else am I going to turn to cause I'm sure as hell don't have a replacement for her.
I don't really want to watch the next House episode but I need to because it is the series finale and I already know that it is going to be sad because the David Shore said so. It's so going to make me evaluate a lot about everything. There are very little things here in my room that tells anyone that she exists. There are no pictures, no notes, nothing. All I have of her here are the souvenirs that she got me while working. Actually our latest picture was taken like 4 years ago? Funny huh? I don't do well with grief. I actually don't really know how to deal with it.
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Friday. 5.4.12 10:45 pm
Curiousity is a form of interest but it is not exactly the interest in "are you interested?"
Somebody may have piqued my curiousty and now I feel quite playful but it doesn't mean I'm interested... Intrigued, yes.. After all, random weird things happened and it is only fit that I am curious and would like to see what happens if I do things out of the norm, eh?
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Saturday. 4.7.12 11:06 am
This week is like a week of revelations and turmoil. I don't think any that I contact on a daily basis realise it and I'm not exactly good at showing how I really feel when half of me doesn't think that it's such a big deal while the other half is angry and wants to pick a fight.
The week started off with me vs best friend. Why? Because of how I reacted to something she said and I find that she is more similar to the self-righteous bastard that is the root cause to me vs best friend. As if it is not enough, I kind of have an ongoing me vs me.
I don't know if I am subconsciously blocking whatever emotions that I'm supposed to feel because I wasn't surprised at whatever that was happening and yet I am angry and feeling a little betrayed. I suddenly have that feeling of dropping of the grid and disappear for a while.
Ever had that feeling like you're once again stuck in some repetitive shitty situation that no matter how hard you try you seem to not be able to stop it from starting all over again? I'm feeling exactly that too.
Too many feelings that I have no idea how to deal with and I don't know who exactly to tell because I don't want to risk another me vs best friend with someone else I'm close with and simply because nothing can be done to change this.
I've been told many times that I'm wise beyond my age but what does that mean when the one thing I want is the one thing I don't get?
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