Which of Henry VIII's wives are you? this quiz was made by Lori Fury Anna of Cleves got the royal shaft. She came all the way to England to become the fourth wife of Henry VIII. Once married to Anna, he refused to consummate the marriage, and called her the "Flanders Mare". Talk about a burn, considering that by this time, Henry was the fattest man in England and had a rotting syphilis sore on his leg. Anna was miffed, but she was too sensible to let it ruin her fun. She was given an annulment and a fat yearly allowance, and she threw extravagant parties and dined on delicacies for the rest of her life.

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fuck this shit, I'm learning to play the guitar for real this time, dammit!

Word to all those who cut themselves...

it also hurts a shitload to learn to play the guitar, so why not kill two birds with one stone by hurting yourself, and learning to play the guitar in order to write songs about your angst and sell them and make MILLIONS OF DOLLARS (after you sell out, of course) and all the other kids will hear your angsty songs and then maybe they won't feel like they have to cut themselves, you know?

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Once upon a time I had ticket to go to Robben Island on a trip organized by Semester at Sea while I was in South Africa. My friend Phillip and I had planned to make South Africa our special country for independent travel because it was the only country that neither of us had a lot of trips that we'd pre-registered for. We were making arrangements to go inland, but the arrangements we made were not very good because I was supposed to get back from Robben Island at 5:00ish and our bus was leaving at 5:30pm. Phillip wanted those reservations though, because that was the only time the bus went out that day and if we waited we'd have one less day inland. I understood these things, but it still made my mind spin with how I could still go to Robben Island and see the prison cell that Nelson Mandela made home for 30 years (as well as, more importantly, penguins!) and yet make the bus on time. I could abandon the tour and take a ferry back by myself, but would I be on the other side of the island when the ferry left? How would I find Phillip? Would I have to take all the things I needed for three days with me to the island?
I was a little mad because I didn't want to lose the $36 I had spent on this ticket. The night before we arrived in port, I signed the book saying that I wanted to sell my ticket. I didn't think there was a chance that anyone would buy it, seeing as you could go much more cheaply if you just bought it independently and it was the very night before the trip, but I figured I'd give it a try. Around 8 in the evening, some girls came by and bought my ticket- they were thrilled, I got $35. I felt happy because I wasn't going to inconvenience Phil and we could easily make our bus. I went to find Phillip to tell him what I had done and it took me a while to find him. When I finally did, I announced breathlessly what I had done and waited for him to be happy. He didn't look happy at all and didn't answer right away.

Probably right around the time that I was selling my ticket, he had bought one... he was looking for me to tell me. He'd done it so that I could still go and not waste my $36 and we could figure out a way to the ferry and off to the bus together.


I told him that I would try and buy another ticket, but he said that it was silly because it would make things so much harder and it was better that we not go. I tried to help him sell his ticket for the rest of the night, but I couldn't find anyone to buy it. I offered to pay half of the ticket he had bought, but he wouldn't let me.

As it turned out, the only bus to our town left the day after the Robben Island trip, we'd just booked the day and they'd automatically switched it to the next day without telling us. We didn't realize that, of course, until we arrived at the bus station at 5:30pm.

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My window is open and it does not close anymore. I think the rain may have warped the wooden frame. It is cold in my room now, I hope I manage to close it before I have to leave for school, because after that I won't be home until Thanksgiving and it might snow in my room. I leave the window open because it keeps the room cool. I can hear the dogs well so if they're barking I can run downstairs and bring them in so they don't annoy the neighbors. Sometimes when there is a breeze it sweeps over my body softly, bringing the sweet smells of summer and the sound of the wind sweeping in great waves through the trembling leaves of the dogwood trees. It is best when it rains. The rain invokes a peculiar kind of sleep, one that is calm, deep, and somehow connected on a fundamental level to the quiet breathing of the Earth.
I also leave the window open so my room will feel alive. I had my bird Emerald for 8 years, as long as I had this room. When he died, my room was filled with unnatural stillness. The ambient bird warbling that formerly filled this empty space was suddenly gone. At first I had trouble sleeping, feeling like it was too quiet and there was something missing. It’s been a little more than two and half years now, and it still gets me when I open the door, I get that feeling like, “where’s the bird, is he still ok?” whenever I come into the room. There is no bird. The cage is gone, his spirit is gone from this place.
So I open the window so there will be life in my room

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I think at the top of the perfect husband list, even above straight and virile and all that should be "nice".
I recently met this guy named Ryan, and he is so very nice. If anyone was ever trying to pressure you to do anything (even in fun: ex. come and jump in the lake! come drink large quantities of alcohol!) and you showed hesitance, he would immediately break down and say something like, "You don't have to if you don't want to." (even if he was totally plastered, and he'd really mean it). He'd even defend you against the others if they were still pressuring you.
I get the impression that doing bad things wouldn't even occur to him, much less would he ever decide to do them. Once we were walking home and my friend called ahead only to hear the others complain that we were taking a long time. He explained to them that we were taking such a long time because Ryan hurt his ankle or something and we had to help him limp back home. They were very sorry that they were angry with us and we got underneath Ryan's arms to help him "limp" into view. He was so overcome with guilt at having part in this charade that he almost wouldn't do it, and he broke the act barely after we came into view. I was always of the mind that it would be way more funny if he played along- I do that kind of stuff all the time- and I didn't think the friend who made it up was in any way evil, but it was just interesting to meet somebody so opposed to deceiving others that it was hard for him to commit even this seemingly harmless sin.
I have sort of eclectic music tastes, but he doesn't call me a loser for liking nsync or enrique iglesias. I had been so used to a combination of laughing at myself awkwardly and/or defending "uncool" groups I love that it was a weird but relieving feeling to find somebody who didn't make fun of me.
I'm not saying I'm going to go and marry him, but somebody will, and what a blessing he will be to her life.
Most people don't mean to be mean when they make fun of their friends, and some people really like the back-and-forth. But I don't like it when somebody I'm friends with or especially dating makes fun of me all the time. I don't like it when somebody my friend is dating makes fun of them. From the outside I can see how that sort of thing deflates the weird person they have inside of them until they are nothing more than "cool". One of my friend's boyfriend's likes to make fun of my friend for what a nerd she is and how dumb all of her hobbies are... I think he just doesn't have any hobbies of his own and if he didn't criticize what she does, he wouldn't have anything to talk about at all.
Anyway, little things like that are what is really important to me. I was struck by the way my friend Phil would always get two place settings when we sat down to eat when we were sailing on the ship. I thought about how thoughtful that was, and after a while I tried to be more like that and if he was getting two place settings, I would bring two glasses of water or fruit punch. I wish I were more thoughtful, I just sometimes need some really thoughtful person around me to remind me by example that there are things I could be doing to be nice that I'm forgetting about.
I would trade a lot of good husbandly traits like, "totally hot" or "hilariously funny" or whatever for "nice".

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"There are those who do not believe that a single soul born in heaven can split into twin spirits and shoot like falling stars to earth where over oceans and continents their magnetic forces will finally unite them back into one. But how else to explain love at first sight?" - Don Juan DeMarco

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soon we should be getting in some gym equipment. I mean balance beams, pommel horses, uneven bars... I wish we could set up one of each in the corner of the warehouse. If they had that in the corner I think I could be persuaded to actually take breaks. Right now I can't be persuaded because I don't smoke so if I take a break I just sit around doing nothing and start thinking about how nice it would be to go home and how much my legs hurt and how dirty I am. Best to just keep going like a wild person until the end of the day comes. In warehouse 2 we have schmirnoff's and some other equally fruity drinks. Since I've last worked we also got dozens and dozens of kegs of Guinness. Right now I'm trying to make a little space amid the boxes of fleece for all the Corona that is going to be coming in at the end of the month. I get to have a free fleece picnic blanket and some free fleece scarves and crap because "New York" (who we take our fleece orders from) can't be bothered to sort through it all and try and make full cases out of the leftover pieces. That's one thing I really like about warehouse work... you never know what the day will bring... last time I was there we spent the whole week drinking fine Italian spring water because some batch came in slightly under the standards of the company. Then there were the 48 fresh nutrolls I got last summer, the Nu-go bars we didn't know we weren't supposed to eat, trying to kill weeds and drown ant colonies in driveway salt, and that one day that the Bill Clark guy brought me a whole container of brownies with frosting he'd bought because I was leaving for school. Somehow the guinness kegs have never had a problem requiring me to take some of them off of the company's hands....

Today I used this forklift that has a safety feature that puts the machine into neutral if no one is sitting on the seat. That is very nice and all, except for the fact that when I drive it, all I have to do is lean to one side or look askance at the thing and it goes into neutral. Now I can't even lean over to see whether or not the edge of my pallet is going to hit something. Way to take a "safety feature" and use it to make everything I do way more unsafe.... My dad said I just "need a larger butt...weight". Speaking of my dad, I think he should give my aching back a massage.

coming up next: updated thoughts on the perfect husband...

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I want to take the way you make me feel and turn it into rainbow-colored chalk
I'll get a plastic bucket and store up quite a stock
I'll go outside and drag it all around the block
and write "I love you!" on every single sidewalk

I want to take that feeling and fold it into snowflakes
The kind you say you still like even though I make so many mistakes
I'll convince the Lord to snow them everywhere, it couldn't be that hard
And everyone will wake up to piles of happiness two feet deep in their front yard

I want to take that feeling I get whenever we talk
And add it as the newest feature to my bedside clock
It will be the greatest thing of all, a fantastic new creation
And I'll wake up hours early to watch it with anticipation

ooh the waaay you make me feeeel


yeah, for the most part it was a really boring day at the warehouse. Maybe by the end of the week I'll have a whole cd's worth. ;)

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