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Wednesday. 5.4.11 9:08 pm
The background color is only temporary until I get around to finding a background that I want.

For whatever reason my stars background suddenly decided to stop working. And I was really sick of the white background.

I'll probably just keep the solid black for a while. My laziness overpowers the urge to look for something different.

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frying the brain: part 3
Saturday. 4.30.11 1:52 am
Jacob is finished with his Introductory Algebra for College Students and is on to his Pre-Calculus book. Which means that I'm using the Algebra book for practice now.

I'm doing really, really simple stuff right now, but my brain hurts since I haven't done anything like it in years and years. At least not this much of it all at the same time.

The laptop is a helper and a distraction. Helping because I can play music on it {when I did homework in school, I would turn the TV on, but I'd have a music channel playing} but at the same time distracting because it's really easy to open another tab and play around on the net. Right now I'm simply taking a break. I might or might not go back to it tonight. It all depends on how tired I am. Which as of right now, bed is winning the competition for when I'm done typing.

Perhaps I could just turn Jacob's computer on and listen to the music he has on there. I'm rarely tempted to play around on the net on his computer. I am tired, though.

Decisions, decisions.

Anywho, I watched the first 3 and half hours of the Royal Wedding last night. I watched people arrive, the ceremony itself {exchanging of the vows and such} and then all of them going back to Buckingham Palace. After that I turned it off and went to bed. By then, though, it was already past 4:30am so I was struggling to stay awake anyway.

I watched the kiss{es} this morning on a video clip taken from the live stream last night. It was sweet. The frowning girl was funny and the planes flying over reminded me of all the planes flying over Vegas from Nellis AFB. As annoying as they were, it was still cool to watch sometimes. Especially air shows.

Back to schoolwork. I'm trying to get myself used to the work load that I'll be receiving once I start going back to school. If I even take just two classes, I'll have a ton of extra work to do. So as of right now, I've got the note-taking and coloring of the Marine Biology book and have just added on the Algebra work. I need to work out a good pattern so that I don't give myself overkill, nor give myself too little at a time.

Jacob has it a little easier than I do when it comes to time. My swing shifts tend to be slightly busier than his grave shifts, although sometimes they can be just as dull and uneventful. Which means once I start going to school, I'll probably take advantage of the weekends when the hospital is closed and I won't need to patrol around as much, nor respond to calls since no one will be there to require our assistance.

Alrighty, I needed the break from killing my brain. Time to get back to it.

Until next time NuTang ...

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it's been decided, I suck at math
Tuesday. 4.26.11 10:26 pm
I took the test today and I just did horribly on the math section. Out of a possible 99, I scored a 26 on the algebra part and only a 73 on the pre-algebra. I didn't even get the choice to go in to college algebra; which is where I left off when I graduated in '04.

I'm a bit bummed, but I suppose after the way I acted last night and not having studied more than just last night, I wasn't expecting much better. I got placed in to Math 84. Which is better than Math 81, but only by a smidge.

The reading and writing part I nearly aced. Out of a possible 99, I got a 93 in writing and a 92 in reading. I was placed in English 101 without having to take a separate reading class.

I knew I would do well on that section. Too bad I absolutely suck in math.

Today was not the best of days. I don't feel like getting in to it right now. I need to go to bed anyway. I have work in the morning. Perhaps tomorrow I'll write more about how my day went today.

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frying my brain: part 2
Tuesday. 4.26.11 3:42 am
So I'm working on the practice questions for the placement test that I will be taking much later on today {the office closed earlier than anticipated yesterday} and I'm seriously a horrible student.

Jacob was just trying to help me out and I kept getting more and more upset when I couldn't remember or understand what he was trying to tell me.

I felt that I should just know this stuff because I was so good at it before. Not taking in to account that I graduated high school 7 years ago and some of this stuff I haven't studied since my freshman or sophomore year. So a good 7-10 years have passed since I've studied any of this math work. It makes sense that I don't remember.

However, being the perfectionist that I am, I just assume it's supposed to all just come rushing back at me.

I love Jacob. For the simple fact that he is who he is. He's so patient with me. I feel bad for snapping at him, but it's who I am. I get frustrated when I can figure something out. I know it's not his fault. He's just trying to explain it to me and I'm not giving my brain the chance to comprehend it. It's not a very good excuse, that this is just the way I am, but it's really all I have.

I've been this way since I was real young. Getting flustered because my letters weren't perfect. Even when I broke my right arm {I was 5} and taught myself how to write with my left hand, I would get angry at myself when it wasn't perfect. Hell, this shit goes back as far as age 2, from stories that my mom has told me. Remember the ball with the difference shapes cut out and you had to put the right shaped block in to the matching hole? Apparently I got so frustrated when one of the shapes wasn't fitting that I threw it down on the ground and exclaimed my first curse word: dammit.

I am a perfectionist. I get really down on myself when I do something wrong or can't figure something out. It eventually works itself out, but not before I get upset or angry.

I don't like the way that I react and I try to work on not reacting that way, but it's hard. It's hard to change the way you've been since before the memories even kicked in.

Anywho, I know I'll do good on the English part of the exam. I focus on that aspect of the work load on a more daily basis than the Algebraic, Geometric and Trigonometric functions. It'll just take a bit of refreshing, but not without frustration. I'll probably write tomorrow to update on how I think I did on the test.

Until next time NuTang ...

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frying the brain
Sunday. 4.24.11 1:27 am
I started to write a blog about an hour ago, but got sidetracked and completely spaced about what I was originally going to write.

I do remember starting to write about how blah I feel right now. Mother Nature is never a fun thing to deal with. And knowing that I've still got 30+ years to go isn't comforting.

Even though I only just started taking notes and working on my Marine Biology book, I'm going to take a break tonight. My brain just isn't in it. That and I'm trying to figure out some of Jacob's math problems from his homework. I need to re-hone my math skills too, but tonight is probably not the best night to do it. If I'm not even in the mood to color code stuff, doing long division with variables probably isn't the best alternative.

Jacob won't be home tomorrow after work. He's going to his Aunt's for some Easter thing. Except that it's not going to be at her house. If it was, I'd be going too. Driving to Capitol Hill from Kirkland doesn't suck as much as driving to Capitol Hill from Monroe. The drive from Monroe to Capitol Hill on Christmas was shit and that was when the roadways were completely devoid of traffic. Easter isn't as widely celebrated as Christmas. Empty highways aren't guaranteed this time. Oh well. As long as he brings me left overs.

Anywho, my hair is almost dry enough for me to lay down comfortably. I'm glad tomorrow is Sunday {my Friday.} I'm looking forward to Monday. I've got testing to do and we'll be seeing African Cats while we're downtown. I'll probably be taking the bus down there by myself and Jacob will catch up with me later on to see the movie. I'm not exactly sure yet, though. I'll have to see what happens.

Until next time NuTang ...

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one small step at a time
Friday. 4.22.11 12:52 am
As some of you have already seen, my status on Facebook right now says, "If you take one small step at a time, eventually you will realize you've covered quite a bit of ground."

I came up with it on my own after thinking about how much I've accomplished so far simply by taking small steps. I've applied for community college; I've scheduled doctor's appointments with both my gyno and a therapist. I've also got the plan set to take my class placement test for college on this coming Monday. I'm finally working on taking notes to refresh my memory for Marine Biology classes, though I should probably be studying up on my mathematics so I can score well on the placement test. English I'm not too concerned about.

Today alone, I feel accomplished because of the good job I did with the code call and reports that I had to deal with at work. I also cleaned up most of the kitchen; I say most because there are still a few pots I haven't gotten around to washing quite yet.

I just feel good today. I feel good with where I'm at. There's also this:

Every once in a while Jacob will say or do something that will just make me smile and instantly improve my mood especially if I wasn't in the greatest mood beforehand. Most of the time it'll be a sweet and simple text saying something like, "have a good day at work beautiful," or he'll compliment on how sexy I am. But then there's that rare occasion that he says "I love you" first and it just gets me every time. Today it was at the end of a phone call. He said it in such a way that it just belonged. I could feel the meaning behind it. It made me smile for a good few minutes. Even just thinking about it is making me smile now.

I read somewhere that women say I love you much more often than men, but men show their love by actions rather than words. A few of my guy friends agreed with that too. Jacob is definitely one of those guys. He'll buy me a book or some chocolates or something that he knows I'll like. Often it's just simply random. No holidays or birthdays. He'll see it in the store, think of me and get it to give to me. It's the things like that that make me know that we'll get through the tough times. It's not fun arguing and having our disagreements, but we've managed so far.

My therapist appointment is on May 10th and depending on how that goes, I might ask about a couple's counselor. We'll see.

Anywho, I just wanted to update. I'm feeling good today. Perhaps that'll carry over in to tomorrow.

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