I wander somewhere in or out of make believe
And dream about the world I'm leaving for you...

...Lady Aberlin's muumuu...

This is such a nice song. :P

ikima, I forgot to mention, Brick Oven is only on Kauai, and since I'm on Oahu, it's a bit far to revisit. X| Oh well. I have memories. They gave me and my brother balls of dough to play with while we waited for our food. It was much more fun than the typical crayons they usually hand out to kids at eating establishments, although I think they also gave us crayons... I can't have been older than seven or so at the time...

I have been starting to remember my dreams often again. There was a bit of one though which I'm having trouble figuring out in terms of whether it was a dream or reality. It wasn't anything significant, just confusing.

He hasn't said it in real life, I think, but he has certainly said things similar to it. Just that particular phrase, no. (I think)

It's a bit of a pain when it gets hard to tell dreams from reality. X|

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I guess Xanga has been having some technical issues, so I'm not sure if my pictures are showing up anywhere on my blog...

In addition to that, I was blocked from Xanga at home. Sent an email to them, they said they had some issues they were working through. -Shrug-

It might be time to find a different site to host my images...

Hawaii so far is... eh. Lots of hanging around my mom. :| I'm taking some pictures with a film camera, so I guess maybe I can scan some of them at some point in the future? Who knows.

I don't really have much else to say. Kind of bored and lonely. X|

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Be it extremely emotional, controversial, messed up, or whatever, this entry has been password protected.

If you know it, enter it; or, ask me for it.

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I am sentimental about my possessions, I suppose. My boyfriend could almost not be more opposite from me in that regard. He doesn't really like to keep anything.

Maybe we'll balance each other out? Both of our moms keep too much stuff, so hopefully we won't have to worry about loading up our living spaces with junk... Dunno. A lot of the time I just don't throw stuff out because I don't know how. Like, I don't want to just dump a brush I don't use into the trash. But do I give it away? Can you give brushes away? :S I guess it's more of an environmental concern than a sentimental one. I'm not particularly emotionally attached to old hairbrushes and stretched-out hairties.

I have some pictures here to show you.

My mom bought my dad a fruit tree that produces a bunch of different things... The peaches off it have been pretty good, but we ate all of them I think. Here's one.

(Apologies for the darkness...)

Here are some of the plums growing on the tree right now.


And some seeds for my budgies.


My mom has been babysitting these two boys for a few months. One of them is 3 and the other is 6. Usually just the 3 year old is at our house, since the 6 year old has soccer camp. I have some trouble entertaining him because he's pretty shy and quiet around me, but we did go outside to put peanuts out for the squirrels the other day.


They're both really into Angry Birds, so when I don't know what else to do I let them play it on my boyfriend's tablet...

(He basically calls it my tablet now, since he just left it at my house and hasn't taken it back, and apparently does not plan to take it back? X|)

My boyfriend and I are going on nine months now. :0 It's pretty crazy to think about. Things are really quite different when you're dating someone who lives close to you... I guess we're not tired of each other though, and actually I think he's amped up the affection a bit lately? Instead of just saying "I love you," now he says "I love you SO MUCH." He also sends texts like

"I think you're the most amazing thing on the planet and I love you."

Silly.

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I went down into the lab and saw long rows of tanks with a swampy green liquid inside. They were lit from behind with a dingy radioactive yellow light.

As I walked past them I realized that the clones I had seen earlier were not the real culprits, and they were actually the product of some terrible experiment by the scientists in the room. Each tank had a clone at a different stage of development, from the tiniest embryo to full grown adult.

I stepped closer to one of the tanks and was disturbed to see what appeared to be the original man the clones were made from, floating inside the liquid. He was old, very old, and seemed decayed around the edges from having been there so long. He looked a bit like a preserved animal in a jar, in fact.

In the brief moment I looked at him, he moved his hand toward me weakly and whimpered, "help me..." Horrified and taken aback, I walked away, trying to figure out how I would leave that terrible place. As I left the lab, I said loudly, "what a horrible thing! I would NEVER touch something like that!" to mislead the others there...

When I got back to my room I thought about what I wanted to take with me when I left, and decided I didn't need much. My digital possessions seemed important for some reason though, so I was trying to decide if I had time to transfer all my saved gifs and jpgs and text files.

---

I was at the top of a manmade cliff, a straight angled concrete structure overlooking a pool with reefs in it in my backyard. There was a Hispanic man paddling around the pool on a raft, and though it seemed I was hundreds of feet above him, when he stood at the base of the cliff on his raft, he could nearly reach the spot I was standing with his hand. The water couldn't have been more than four feet deep, but he called to his friends next to me, and one of them cannonballed down.

I was shocked, and thought he would surely hurt himself, but he swam away just fine.

---

He was touched by what had just happened, clearly.

"I want to make you part of my family," he told me-- or the girl who was me, perhaps, since I wasn't really part of the story as myself, but rather a consciousness attached to her.

It was much too serious, and I/she/we didn't feel that way. She/we backed away, uncomfortable, kind of worried. He repeated himself. "I've realized now, I want to make you a part of my family."

She/we tried to assure him that he was mistaken, that he didn't mean it like that, but he was dead set on it.

She was walking away from him when I woke up.

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My mood is not great. Mood swings, I guess, but it feels more like "mood running around haphazardly and banging into walls."

Here is a picture of some food I made awhile ago but neglected to post a picture of until now.

It is quinoa + kidney beans + feta cheese + tapenade + cucumbers.

I didn't really have an appetite today, but I ate anyway because I was starting to get dizzy and physically I was hungry. The thought of food was making me feel tired, though.

Lately my mind's felt empty, tired, repetitive. I wish I could do another one of these, but I just don't have the overflow of thoughts anymore.


But maybe that means all that purging worked, I don't know.

I think about a lot of things in terms of having limited quantities.

It's not really rational in any way.

But I just think, "maybe I have a limited supply of thoughts, and I'm running out now," things like that.

It is probably just depression. That's usually what it is.

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Wow, I thought people were just ignoring my entries, but it turns out that only one person has even been on my blog in the past four days. :S

We gotta get some new people here, dudes.

Also, yesterday I had a dream that I accidentally killed my boyfriend with a pickax and I was very upset. It wouldn't stop bothering me all day...

I'm so close to being done with school, gah. Just finals and then I'm out... I definitely fear for my grades this quarter, though. I think I've got a pretty solid chance of an A in four out of my five classes, but Sociology has got me worried.

I just stubbed my toe and I've been biting my lip and going "FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF" for a few seconds.

Where is everybody these days on Nutang? D:

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I've been having some kind of creepy dreams lately, when I remember them.

Last night I dreamt I was sitting in this auditorium like structure, next to this group of girls. One of the girls was about to give birth.

I was trying to tell her to sit in a certain position so the baby would come out easier, but she wasn't paying attention, and was just huffing heavily. Then this... slit in her side opened and one of her friends pulled out this... thing.

It wasn't a baby. For some reason I had expected it to look at least like a newborn puppy, though. It looked like... a flesh colored... I don't know... flat slab leech sea cucumber thing? It was really gross. They all looked at it in adoration though, while I was busy being shocked and horrified. It was at least a foot long, and six inches wide, slimy and moving slightly.

The friend holding it put it into a bucket, where it seemed to turn into a more fish-like creature. Still flesh colored and horrible, but less horrible.

...Then they all pressured me to give my blood up for extra credit in the class. There were flyers being handed out that said we could just get the blood by donating some to a blood drive and then asking them to bag up an extra liter for us. I didn't really want to at first, but the girls kept pressuring me to, so I gave in.

Well, when I said I would, and I took the flyer, they started laughing at me and making fun of me for volunteering to give my blood up for the class. I suddenly felt ashamed and embarrassed and left to wait for my mom to pick me up.

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